5.26.2016

....But God

It's the phrase I've been saying throughout this adoption.

....but God.

Well, this and this was supposed to happen, but God.....

It's been more than once that God showed up in big ways and in small ones.

Yesterday, I got word that our very last document was on it's way from the courier to our adoption agency. Our agency has the rest of our documents, so when this last document arrives our dossier will be complete and it will be immediately sent to China.

I was so excited yesterday when I heard it was on it's way because I had not expected that (even thought I kept saying that I wanted to be DTC- dossier to China- by Sawyer's birthday I realistically did not think that was possible.) So I was thrilled to hear the courier put it in the mail yesterday. In adoption world, everything gets overnighted. I asked him specifically to overnight it. However, yesterday when I got the tracking number I realized he had sent it two day mail. Meaning, it would arrive at 4:30pm tomorrow (Friday), and my agency is closed on Friday. I was bummed we were going to "lose a day", but then figured, ok....it will just go to China on Monday. Until I realized that Monday is a holiday (Memorial Day), so it would not go out till Tuesday.

Listen...I know that it's just a matter of 5 days, but to this mama, every. day. counts. Every day we move ahead means the possibility of Piper being united with her family one day sooner. You guys.....that's EVERYTHING. For her....and for us.

So, I had a small anxiety attack yesterday along with a little pity party, then I just came to terms with it. Tuesday it is.

Later yesterday I got the small, but encouraging news that we can put together another care package to send her in June. Which means I might have more pictures by the end of July. It was a little something to look forward to. Some good news on a disappointing day.

Today, I had a little party at my house (oh my WORD, Norwex.....why do I love you?!?!?) with just a few friends. It was so just what I needed today. However, my adoption agency called right in the middle of the party, and the agency emails. They don't call. We literally just swapped emails last night. I couldn't imagine what the bad news could be, but I called back ASAP trying not to let the anxiety creep in.

My social worker called to say that she literally had no idea why, and that it did not make one bit of sense but........our I-800A (our last document) had arrived in their 10:30am FedEx drop off.

One day EARLY.

It was due to arrive at 4:30 pm on Friday, but it came at 10:30am on Thursday. Less than 24 hours since it had been sent. AND...my social worker said the package said right on it "Two Day Express" and that it was due to arrive Friday at 4:30.......

....but God.

I sent a message to a friend yesterday saying that thought I was tremendously disappointed, I was trusting completely in God's timing. I knew that He would not be early or late, but right on time.

Today, it felt like God gave us a small, but HUGE gift. The gift of 5 days. We are profoundly thankful.

So, ladies and gentlemen, we are officially, DOSSIER TO CHINA!




I was thankful my social worker says it was incredibly impressive that it only took me (there is not "us" on this one, it was all me) only 3.5 months to do what is supposed to take 6 months, because it certainly felt like 6 months crammed into 3.5 months.

But now, we can sit back and wait for the next thing. And to see what God will do next.

Meanwhile, we celebrate. Who wants Chinese?




5.01.2016

Hello, May!

Hello, May. I’ve got big expectations. Don't disappoint me. 

This month is all about three little letters: DTC.


Otherwise known as Dossier to China.  If we can be DTC this month it greatly increases the likelihood we can travel in October. It will still be highly unlikely for us to be with Piper on her birthday, but we could be there shortly thereafter. Tomorrow marks 6 weeks (42 days) of waiting for our I-800a (immigration) approval. And, basically, this is all we are waiting for. People are waiting between 44 and 58 days right now. Once we get our approval, we will rush it to the Secretary of State for authentication and immediately overnight it to the Chinese Consulate. Once there we will wait a very long week for it to be approved. Then, it will be overnighted- along with the rest of our dossier- to our agency. Once they have it they will check our entire dossier for any issues, and if there aren’t any, it will go to China (electronically, thankfully) that same day. 

And I so, so want this to be in May. At this point, every day matters to help us to get to Piper sooner than later. 

At that point, the bulk of our work ends, but the long, hard, completely-out-of-our-control wait begins. 

I’m just reminding myself daily that God is completely in control. While I want so desperately to be with her right. now. God knows the timing, and He will not be late by a single day. I’m trying to embrace the waiting, enjoy my kids as much as possible while I can completely focus just on them, and just prepare our house and our hearts for this great gift coming our way.

Please pray with us that our immigration approval comes very, very soon.
 
And this month, let’s hope to celebrate those three all important letters: DTC!!!! 


4.16.2016

Adoption Update: Where are we at?

I guess it is about time for a detailed update regarding where we are at in the adoption process.

Good news: we are close to the end of dossier prep.

All of the actual paperwork is done, and has been to the Secretary of State for authentication already. And it is currently on it's way to the Chinese Consulate in New York for their (very expensive) authentication of the authentication. At this point, each document we have is worth $50 or more. We are on week 4 of waiting for our I-800A approval (immigration approval). The average time frame for approval is 4-6 weeks with it tending more towards the 6 week mark than the 4 week mark. So, hopefully in two more weeks we will have that in hand. Then, that will have to be brought to the Secretary of State and go to the Chinese Consulate as well.

Once that is done, our dossier gets sent to China!

And, that is the date we all hand our hats on. Because the timeframe from DTC (Dossier to China) to travel is 5 months (give or take).

Our goal is to be DTC by the first of June which puts us on track to travel by November 1st. Later than we wanted, but it's ok. Every day we can move that date up, is a day we will get to her sooner though! So, we do our best on our end.

Bad news: our agency gave us bad courier advice (a courier takes all your documents to the Chinese Consulate for you....unless you live by the Consulate, which we do not), so our dossier (minus our I-800A) is sitting in the office of a courier who is terrible at answering the phone, replying to an email, and updating his website with current information. As a result, it cannot be brought to the consulate on Monday as planned. And we now have to figure out how to fix this mess, get him what he needs (including new checks and money orders), and get the ball rolling again.

Good news: I sent the dossier now as opposed to waiting for our I-800A so that if we hit any snags we would not lose time. So, I'm stressed, but not overly so.

So, if you would like to pray with us that our I-800A arrives sooner than later, that we get this courier issue cleared up, and we can have our dossier to China before June 1st, we would really appreciate it! We're ready for Phase 2 of this process, which is a lot more waiting, but a lot less work and stress.


4.12.2016

Fear Less, Love More

There is a tradition in the northern part of China to make a Bai Jia Bai or 100 Good Wishes quilt to welcome a new baby to a family. The expectant family invites family and friends to contribute a patch of cloth along with a "wish" for the baby. The cloth is sewn together to make a quilt for the new child. Tradition says that the quilt holds all of the love and good wishes of the child's community that the child can be literally wrapped in.

It is such beautiful imagery. For like a nano second I thought, "I'm making a 100 Good Wishes quilt for our daughter!"

I quickly came to my senses.

I love the sentiment, but I can barely sew a button let alone make a quilt.

However, ever since letting people know we were adopting again, we have been blown away by the love and support for our family. In a thousand different ways the people around us have shared our excitement and joy, prayed for us, listened to us, encouraged us, and helped us in very real ways (writing letters of recommendation, notarizing stuff, watching our kids, even cleaning our toilets).


I often wonder if kids who were adopted realize just how loved and anticipated they are before they even join their family. Scot and I talked about how we wished there was a way for our daughter to truly see and understand how many people were eagerly anticipating her arrival (and that did not involve sewing a quilt). We also wanted our huge community of friends and family to be a very real part of this process with us- because to us they are a very real part. 

That's how the idea for a t-shirt was born. 



But, it's more than just a t-shirt! 

We would love for those of you who want to be a part of Piper's story to order a shirt- for you, for you and your spouse, or for your whole family. Once your shirt arrives, we hope you will do two things:

  1. Take a picture of yourself (and/or your spouse/family) in your t-shirt(s) and email it to us (scjchardy@yahoo.com) along with a personal message to Piper. This can be a wish, a personal note, a prayer,  a quote, a verse, anything that you would like. 
  2. Share your picture (if you are willing) on social media using the hashtag #BringPiperHome (if you want to point people to where they can get their own shirt as well, then please do!) This way we will all be able to see how many people are eagerly anticipating Piper's arrival in our family!
We will take each picture and it's "wish" and put it in a book made just for Piper. This will become her "100 Good Wishes" book. (I love books more than quilts anyway!) She will have this book forever so that she can see the faces of this huge community of people who loved her (and us) and anxiously awaited her arrival with us. Eventually, she will be able to read your messages to her as well. This will become a treasured keepsake that she will be able to wrap around her heart (if not her body) for years to come.




100% of the proceeds for this shirt will go towards our adoption costs with the goal of at least raising enough money to pay for Piper's plane ticket home. That way, each of you who buys a shirt will literally be helping to bring Piper home!!




As for the t-shirt design? Well, there is a story there too. If you have read our adoption story at all (see sidebar) you will see that fear is a theme that runs through it. In both of our adoptions, we were afraid before we were anything else, but what Cooper taught us was this: Fear Less, Love More! Any fear we has paled in comparison to the overwhelming love that entered our life once Cooper became part of our family. We expect that same thing to happen again this time. 

If we have learned anything from the adoption process it is that often the most wonderful things in life are scary before they are wonderful. We hope our journey(s) will inspire you to fear less and love more in every area of your life- because it is SO worth it. We cannot even imagine how much love and general wonderfulness would be missing from our lives if we had let fear hold us back from adopting Cooper.  If you know us at all you know that we're not brave. We're remarkably ordinary. We've simply decided to fear less and love more. 

We hope wearing this t-shirt reminds you not just of Piper (and/or Cooper), but also to live your life fearing less and loving more as you go through life. If each one of us who buys a t-shirt really, truly does that, imagine the impact it could have on the world! 

And we'll be able to say it all started with this little girl on the other side of the world who was SO loved even before we met her! 

So, do you want a t-shirt? 

 To get a shirt go to our website! You will see all of the style and size options there. Ordering is as easy as shopping online.  It does require a PayPal account though. (If that's a problem for you, contact us. We're happy to help!) If you want more info or details, you can check out the "Details" tab at the top of the page on the website. (You'll particularly want to do that if you live local to us....there is a discount code for you to use to avoid the shipping fee.)

If you have any questions, let us know (our real life friends can contact us via phone or Facebook, everyone else can email: scjchardy@yahoo.com).

Please know that we understand that not everyone can buy a shirt. That's ok. If you'd like to send Piper a wish anyway, please do! Also, please pray for Piper as she likely has no idea her world will be turned upside down in just a matter of months! And pray for us, and we navigate through the red tape to get to her as quickly as possible! 

We are so, SO excited for so many of you to be a very real part of helping us bring Piper home! We cannot say enough how much each question you ask, each prayer you offer, each kindness you show means to us in this agonizing wait!!! You- OUR PEOPLE- have been an incredible blessing to us as we wait for our daughter to come home! 

Can't wait to see you all in your t-shirts!


4.07.2016

Saying YES!

My last post left off on a Tuesday when I told Scot I thought that maybe, just maybe this was our daughter.

By this point, our kids knew what was going on. They had seen her pictures and her videos, and they were anxiously awaiting our decision. Our oldest two were desperate for us to say "YES!" Both had made no secret of the fact that they wanted us to adopt again.

Cooper is just more cautious, and when it comes to all things China there is a lot of emotion involved. So, I'm not sure he was too excited about it. He was however very interested in the process: "Did you look at pictures of me like this too? Did you see video?" He was very interested in the process.

By Wednesday, Sawyer would came home from school asking, "Have you made a decision about that little girl yet?" His faith truly helped mine.

I guess Scot and I continued to discuss it, lol. I don't even remember.

In the end it came to a few facts we were sure of:

  • God had called us to adopt. That was a one-time thing. We were not going to be "called" again.
  • In China we both sensed pretty strongly that we would be back.
  • We both had an ongoing sense that someone was missing from our family. We had said it many times especially over the last there years. (I just realized this week that we've basically been saying that now and then every since she was born.)
  • God was doing something right. now. in us. Something that was not allowing us to let go of her little face.
I told the adoption lady that we would call her on Friday. On Thursday, we decided. I know it was a really manful, (happy) tearful conversation. But I cannot remember one single thing we said. Other than the fact that I was doubtful and Scot said, "She's ours. Call the lady."

I said, "You know, there's no rush. I'll just call her tomorrow. I want to sleep on it again."

And Scot said, "Call the lady today."

So, one week after seeing her face for the first time, I called the woman at the adoption agency and said, "She's ours! We want her."

With Cooper, I remember being so fearful I could not say those words. Instead I said, "We want to move forward." It was all I could say with the fear choking me. 

This time, I was fearful, but I was more confident. And I knew what Ann Voskamp put into words later in her blog post that "a step of faith often feels like a step through fear."

100 times yes on that. 

By God's grace, this time I stepped a little more boldly.

However, within 24 hours I was doubting again. I wrote about my post-referral panic with Cooper. It lasted an entire week (more maybe?) and it literally felt like suffocating. 

This time, it was just fear-tinged doubt. And, I really, truly felt like it would pass. But in my head I knew nothing "official" had happened yet, so we probably had till Monday to back out if we wanted to. (Listen......I'm risk-averse, remember? A lifetime of over-cautiousness is not easily solved.)

I arrived home from the gym Friday morning exhausted. So, I splayed myself out on the floor to read the next day in my Bible reading plan. Having strayed from the plan earlier in the week, I decided to pick back up where I had left off in my Sermon on the Mount reading plan.

The title of that day's reading? "Let Your Yes Be Yes" 




Obviously, the devotional itself didn't have any direct application, but the title made me laugh out loud.

God gets me. Honestly, he does. He knew I needed just one more little assurance, and He was so gracious to give it.

Some would claim coincidence. I don't believe that for a second.

I never looked back.

And, just a few short days later, that link I originally clicked on? It was updated.



A family that is ridiculously excited to meet her. A brother who asked daily when he could bring a picture to school to show his friends. A sister who cried tears of joy when we told her we said yes. And grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends-who-are-like-family who were over-joyed at the news.

That feeling that someone was missing from our family? The daily sense we had that our family was not complete? GONE. We have not felt it even once since we said yes. It's like the last piece of the puzzle snapped into place.



We are so thankful to be part of the story God is writing with her life. 




4.06.2016

How it happens?

After we announced we had a daughter in China, the biggest question that we were asked was "How did that happen?" Scot and I (mostly me) were not shy about saying we would like to adopt again, but no one really thought we were planning to- and certainly not now. And they would have been right. We were not. We had responded to things put directly in front of us, but we had not pursued anything.

Until I clicked on that link.

I don't want to say something magical happened. Or that I recognized her. Or that I knew right away. I didn't.

I liked on the link, saw her face, thought she was adorable, and kept on reading. She was little, and she had the same (corrected) heart condition as our son. That is what ultimately caught my attention.

I can't actually remember what I did next other than say, "Yes, we want to review her file" and we had it in our hands by that evening (a Thursday). I probably mentioned it to Scot, but I don't remember that either. I sent the file off to the cardiologist and waited. I asked about where she was (the orphanage) and began researching and reaching out to anyone I could find who knew anything about that place.

Cardiologist said she looked good as far as he was concerned with the little info he had. He suggested I send the file to our pediatrician who might have insight into her development. So, I did that.

Within 24 hours of having seen her face for the first time, we had all the info we would have about her. We knew there was one other family actively reviewing her file, and we were told there were 10-12 families who wanted to but they were holding off for now.

We knew she could be ours. We had no medical reason to say no as far as we could see. So, here we were, and there she was.

We turned to God. We knew that He knew both her and us completely. Our situations, our limitations, everything. So, we asked God to give us complete peace and to put us both 100% on the same page. We wanted to know with her, just as with Cooper, that this was the child God had chosen for our family. We simply could not move forward without that assurance. But, we knew that hearing from God required time, and that felt like the one thing we did not have.

And, of course, there was the fear of the unknown. Scot and I tend to be "risk-averse" as my sister so aptly put it one time. And not knowing the full truth of her medical needs, the kind of care she was receiving, etc, etc.......it all produces a healthy does of fear.

God has always spoken to me at church- especially when I ask and I enter worship expectantly. He does not speak audibly, obviously, but He has shown up in ways that I don't know how to explain when I needed to hear from Him most. On Sunday, remembering how God sake so clearly when I needed to hear from Him with Cooper, I prayed on the way into church something along the lines of, "God, I need to hear from you desperately this morning. If she is not our daughter, help me to know. But, if she IS our daughter, please show me this morning to keep moving forward."

The morning was pretty typical, and we went into church. Nothing during the service stood out to me at all or particularly spoke to me. When the service ended, I saw our pastor move to go up onto the stage, but Lauren, our worship leader went "off script". She was not supposed to say anything, but clearly she felt moved to say something so she started prayed. She prayed (and I wish I could remember it exactly, but I don't anymore) and in the prayer said something along the lines of "God, don't let us allow fear to make our decisions for us. Help us to set fear aside and do what it is we know we should do." After church I asked Lauren why she said that. She said she just really felt it's what God was prompting her to say. I knew that to be 100% true.

Recently Ann Voskamp wrote a beautiful (MUCH more beautiful than this) account of how God led their family to adoption. I felt as if our story (with Cooper and with this adoption) was so similar in so many ways. Every word she wrote is so true and echoes absolutely how I was feeling in these days. Sometimes we do look for "fireballs" from heaven. This was not a fireball. This was more like a street sign pointing the way, saying "Keep going!" However, I trusted that God would show up and make it perfectly clear if this was the daughter He has chosen for us one way or another.

On Monday, the agency informed me (in an email at 8:59am) that the other family reviewing her file was "very interested as well" and that if both families ultimately wanted to move forward they would "have a very difficult decision to make". I immediately felt panicked. I did not want to lose her (this should have been my first sign- the only other time I felt that way about a file is with Cooper). However, I stopped and prayed and I specifically said, "God, you know if she is our daughter or if she is not. And if she is, I have no reason to worry. If she is not, I don't either. Please just make it crystal clear." I did not respond to the agency's email.

At 9:38am, I got another email from the agency stating that they had let the other family know that we had experience with this heart condition and that we had already contacted a cardiologist, and that family had decided to take a step back and wait to see what we decided before moving forward. The email ended with her saying, "So, 'Ginny' is yours if you want her. Take all the time you need."

Ours if we wanted her. 

There it was. I knew it before it was put in black and white, but there it was. Did we want to bring her home as our daughter was the only question left to answer.

I forwarded the email to Scot and said,  "Its the only question left to answer: do we want her?"

Until you are in this situation, it is hard to fully understand the weight of it. And the responsibility. And the FEAR. But also the pull.

However, this too was not a fireball for me. But, I did know it was an open door and we were supposed to keep moving ahead.

I talked to several families who had adopted from her orphanage trying to get an idea of how well the kids are cared for and how they adjust once they are home. No red flags. I sent the short videos we had of her to Scot and asked him to take a look and really pray about this. I was not moving forward without him being 100% sure.

Tuesday morning I arrived early to an appointment. I had been in the middle of a specific reading plan in my "She Reads Truth" app, but had also downloaded their newest study on Genesis. This particular morning, I just wanted a change of pace. So, when I went in I clicked on the daily reading in the "Genesis" plan instead of my plan.

It was on Abraham and Sarah.

This was my fireball. 

The way the writer broke down the verse and basically, thereby, spoke to every. single. concern I had.

I knew the sound of the one calling. I had no doubt.

I was terrified of leaving the comfortable. But also terrified of the fact that I had recently been describing the current state of our lives as "comfortable".

We were thinking of stepping out too......"without the surety of anything that God would go with [us]".

And then this:

This is the faith we ask for: to be so blinded by the light of our Father that we trust His voice, His call, His Word, and His plan more than we could ever trust our own.

It's absolutely the faith I had been asking for. And what hit me as I read this along with the story of Abraham was that I wasn't wondering IF this was God's voice or not. I knew it was. I recognized what was happening. The question was would I trust His plan more than my own?

Honestly, my question then was EXACTLY the same as Ann Voskamp's (of course, she saved her beautiful post for much later, so it was no use to me then) : "Am I enough?"

Or, more specifically: "Can we really handle this?"

I think the Abraham and Sarah devotional stripped away that question for me and replaced it with another question: "Do you trust Me?"

I sent the link to the devotional to Scot. I admitted I was scared. I thought he needed to know.

But I also wrote this:

I think she might be our daughter.

2.21.2016

The Story :: Part 1 :: Prelude

This story really starts in China in 2010.

We were there to pick up Cooper, but we spent three days at New Day Foster Home hanging out with the kids there playing with them and getting to know them a little. Once you stand in a room surrounded by orphans something inside you cracks.....and you are wrecked for life. I think we both knew when we left New Day that we would adopt again if we could.

Since then, there have been several times that we have nearly jumped back in again. One that I will say might be my only (big) regret in life. More than once we have reviewed files. More than once I had looked at Scot and asked, "Is this the one?" At least twice he said to me, "Should we adopt him/her?" But, every time something told us "no". At least once it was my overwhelming fear.....and that, I regret.

I have made no secret about the fact that I wanted to adopt one more child. A girl. I have saved every stitch of Chloe's clothes. When my mom bought me new Christmas stockings for the whole family a couple/three years ago, I asked her to buy one extra "just in case".

Scot's heart has always been there. Adopting again was a frequent, if casual, conversation in our house. But, we never really were seriously looking. I knew this time, Scot would need to see a face. We were not going to do the paperwork first, then be matched. We were going to see a face first then begin paperwork.

There came a time though, when Scot very specifically asked me to stop talking about it. He told me in no uncertain terms that we were NOT adding to our family. This was it, and I needed to come to terms with that. I knew he was right.....at least about the coming to terms about it part.

I felt overwhelmingly like our family simply was not complete. In the same way I felt that after having Chloe. I knew I would absolutely never be pregnant again, but I also knew our family did not feel complete. Adoption was ZERO part of my life at that point and completely NOT on my radar screen at all. But I did not spend any time contemplating how bizarre those two feelings were if taken together. I just simply went on with life.

So, I asked God to help me shut up about adoption. I made a pact that I would absolutely stop texting Scot pictures of random children (guilty as charged), mentioning anything about adoption ever, or really, talking about adding to our family. I would simply learn to be completely content with the family God has already blessed me with. Honestly, it was not that hard.

But, within six months Scot started talking about it. He'd sit down at the dinner table and say, "Guys, doesn't it feel like someone's missing?" (We'd all agree: YES!) Or he'd just randomly mention that it was time to star paperwork and move towards adopting again. When he got a new job he excitedly told me they had adoption benefits. More than once we discussed it in real terms with the kids, and they were all for it! As far as they were concerned, this had turned out amazing for them once, it was a no-brainer for them. I knew then it was just a matter of time.

In December of 2014, we saw little face that moved us enough to put our names on a medical conditions checklist with an agency. They told us it would be 12-18 months easily before they would like call us with a possible match. We did the paperwork, and basically completely forgot about it.

In fall of 2015, the little girl we have sponsored at New Day for a long time became available for adoption. Actually, I saw her being advocated for on Facebook when a friend made a comment on a post of a woman I did not know. I messaged the woman who was advocating for her- a complete stranger. As a result, we are able to review her file, and we were serious enough to send it off to the cardiologist who came back with very difficult news. We knew that we could not provide for her needs the way she deserves, so we had to say no. It was hard, but we knew we were doing the best thing for her. However, I shared the info we received from the cardiologist with the woman who was advocating for her so that anyone who might be considering adopting her would have our cardiologists opinion in addition to whoever they sought out. Through this, this woman and I became Facebook friends (which, by the way, I NEVER do if I have not met someone in person).

Then, the week before Christmas we got a call from the agency where were were on the list. They had a referral for us. I know enough now about heart stuff that I knew just from reading her file that her condition was similar to the little girl we sponsor at New Day. Once again, we had to say no.

It was all coming fast and furious, but we figured one day, we'd get a call and it would be the one! We didn't overthink it, or start searching. We just went on with the holidays, family visits, and planning an over-the-top Harry Potter party to celebrate Chloe's 10th birthday!

Then, on Thursday, January 7th, I got a Facebook message that would change my life. It contained a single link.