In case you haven't read the first two parts, here they are:
Part 3:
I'm a thinker. An OVER-thinker. And so, in the days that followed my hearing James 1:27 for the first time, I thought, and thought, and THOUGHT about those words. I turned them over in every way I could, and I tried desperately to make them say something else to me than what they were saying.
The part for me that was inescapable, was that this verse immediately follows James talking about not being merely hearers of the Word, but DOERS. Otherwise, we deceive ourselves. then, he gives us an idea of what true religion looks like and we all don't DO it? We tame our tongues, and that is right there in the previous verse. We make a REALLY BIG deal of taming our tongues, but adoption. Well, that's too radical. That's not meant for us ALL- just a select few. Right?
That logic didn't work for me. I couldn't tame my tongue, but look the other way and pretend I didn't hear about the "looking after orphans" part. I couldn't deceive myself.
When Scot got home, I read him James 1:27. I'm pretty sure he was taken by complete surprise. i remember reading him the verse, and I recall being in the kitchen with him. I read the verse then pointed out that it came right after the "Do not be hearers, be doers" part. I followed him around the kitchen with an open Bible reading the whole first chapter of James to him. I think I was hoping he'd come up with some other interpretation. I can't remember what he said, which probably means he said very little.
Over the course of the next few weeks leading into Christmas, our pastor (we were now at a new church to us), was preaching on each of the major "characters" of the Christmas story. On Sunday, December 3rd, he preached about Mary. (That's the link to the actual sermon audio, by the way.) He said that basically, the angel's question to Mary was, "Are you available?" God has a plan and He wants you to be part of it- Are you available?
The question hit me square between the eyes. I was facing EXACTLY the same question. Would I make myself available for God's plan or was I too busy with my own? And, the parallels with Mary were everywhere: Mary was asked to be a parent to a child who was not part of her plan, who was not going to be of the same DNA as the other children she would have, but who was clearly meant by God to be part of her family- for reasons only God could know. She was asked to take a BIG risk (what would everyone THINK? What would JOSEPH think?) to glorify God with her life- and her family. Mary had other plans, I'm SURE. I'm not saying she didn't willingly cooperate with God's plan, but I'm pretty sure she wasn't PLANNING to be the mother of God's child born to be the Savior of the world. She just wanted to get married and live a happy life I bet.
Me too. I just wanted to live the American dream- great marriage, well-adjusted kids, nice house, quiet, drama-free life. (My, how I've changed in just a couple short years. I'm actually quite embarrassed to say that's what I wanted from life then.)
But, this sermon changed it all for me, I heard God speak to my heart again through this sermon: "ARE YOU AVAILABLE?" and any doubt I had about whether I had heard Him correctly when I heard James 1:27 was gone. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I had to be available. I KNEW God was calling me to this, so now I had to figure out what that meant.
And I was SCARED. Terrified.
I realize now, it was a complete lack of information and familiarity with adoption. I knew NOTHING (and that's hard to believe now too). To battle my fear, I did the only thing I knew to do: I started reading (shocking to those of you that know me, I know). I'm embarrassed to say it wasn't the Bible I turned to nor did I devote myself to prayer. Nope, I went to B@rnes and N0ble and started researching books about adoption. And I devoured them. A LOT of them- the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As it turned out the first book I picked up was The Lost Daughters of China: Adopted Girls, Their Journey to America, and the Search for a Missing Past. I'm not sure why this was the first book I read, but I absolutely hung on every word of this book, and I was changed. To hear of what the state of affairs was in China, to hear of how many girls needed families, how many mothers just wanted to keep their babies but couldn't because of the government. My eyes were opened, and my heart was broken.
It was during this time- during the late part of 2006 and the early part of 2007 that I started praying. I didn't pray for our child, because I knew somehow that our child wasn't born yet (how I knew that, I don't know, since I still knew NOTHING of the actual adoption process- of agencies, of waiting, of dossiers, of costs). I prayed for a nameless, faceless woman in China. I prayed for her health, her safety and protection, for the child she would be carrying, for her strength and courage through the events that were to come, for her heart to hold up, for her to know God's love somehow through it all. For her to feel my prayers for her. And, I often was kept up in the middle of the night overwhelmed with the need to pray for her. Often, I prayed through lots of tears- for a woman I never knew and never will know, but I know I was praying for my child's mother. And, I believe God put her on my heart because she needed those prayers at that time. I prayed for her night after night for a long, long time. And I felt a connection to her that I can't explain.
I also kept reading. And, soon, there wasn't a book on adoption I had not read. Meanwhile, I was ever-so-gingerly bringing up this topic with Scot. I would read him book excerpts, talk about what I was thinking and feeling, and I remember often walking on the treadmill in the living room while our kids watched Curious George and he sat on the couch with his coffee, and I would cry about what I was learning.
I don't remember any big sit down conversations or plans or any arguments. I just remember one day we were giving our kids a bath while it was still light out (maybe it was summer, maybe we were off our routine, I'm not sure), and I just remember him looking at me at the end of what I think was a pretty light conversation about adoption or orphans, and he said, "We're really going to do this, aren't we?"
"I think so," I replied.
The part for me that was inescapable, was that this verse immediately follows James talking about not being merely hearers of the Word, but DOERS. Otherwise, we deceive ourselves. then, he gives us an idea of what true religion looks like and we all don't DO it? We tame our tongues, and that is right there in the previous verse. We make a REALLY BIG deal of taming our tongues, but adoption. Well, that's too radical. That's not meant for us ALL- just a select few. Right?
That logic didn't work for me. I couldn't tame my tongue, but look the other way and pretend I didn't hear about the "looking after orphans" part. I couldn't deceive myself.
When Scot got home, I read him James 1:27. I'm pretty sure he was taken by complete surprise. i remember reading him the verse, and I recall being in the kitchen with him. I read the verse then pointed out that it came right after the "Do not be hearers, be doers" part. I followed him around the kitchen with an open Bible reading the whole first chapter of James to him. I think I was hoping he'd come up with some other interpretation. I can't remember what he said, which probably means he said very little.
Over the course of the next few weeks leading into Christmas, our pastor (we were now at a new church to us), was preaching on each of the major "characters" of the Christmas story. On Sunday, December 3rd, he preached about Mary. (That's the link to the actual sermon audio, by the way.) He said that basically, the angel's question to Mary was, "Are you available?" God has a plan and He wants you to be part of it- Are you available?
The question hit me square between the eyes. I was facing EXACTLY the same question. Would I make myself available for God's plan or was I too busy with my own? And, the parallels with Mary were everywhere: Mary was asked to be a parent to a child who was not part of her plan, who was not going to be of the same DNA as the other children she would have, but who was clearly meant by God to be part of her family- for reasons only God could know. She was asked to take a BIG risk (what would everyone THINK? What would JOSEPH think?) to glorify God with her life- and her family. Mary had other plans, I'm SURE. I'm not saying she didn't willingly cooperate with God's plan, but I'm pretty sure she wasn't PLANNING to be the mother of God's child born to be the Savior of the world. She just wanted to get married and live a happy life I bet.
Me too. I just wanted to live the American dream- great marriage, well-adjusted kids, nice house, quiet, drama-free life. (My, how I've changed in just a couple short years. I'm actually quite embarrassed to say that's what I wanted from life then.)
But, this sermon changed it all for me, I heard God speak to my heart again through this sermon: "ARE YOU AVAILABLE?" and any doubt I had about whether I had heard Him correctly when I heard James 1:27 was gone. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I had to be available. I KNEW God was calling me to this, so now I had to figure out what that meant.
And I was SCARED. Terrified.
I realize now, it was a complete lack of information and familiarity with adoption. I knew NOTHING (and that's hard to believe now too). To battle my fear, I did the only thing I knew to do: I started reading (shocking to those of you that know me, I know). I'm embarrassed to say it wasn't the Bible I turned to nor did I devote myself to prayer. Nope, I went to B@rnes and N0ble and started researching books about adoption. And I devoured them. A LOT of them- the good, the bad, and the ugly.
As it turned out the first book I picked up was The Lost Daughters of China: Adopted Girls, Their Journey to America, and the Search for a Missing Past. I'm not sure why this was the first book I read, but I absolutely hung on every word of this book, and I was changed. To hear of what the state of affairs was in China, to hear of how many girls needed families, how many mothers just wanted to keep their babies but couldn't because of the government. My eyes were opened, and my heart was broken.
It was during this time- during the late part of 2006 and the early part of 2007 that I started praying. I didn't pray for our child, because I knew somehow that our child wasn't born yet (how I knew that, I don't know, since I still knew NOTHING of the actual adoption process- of agencies, of waiting, of dossiers, of costs). I prayed for a nameless, faceless woman in China. I prayed for her health, her safety and protection, for the child she would be carrying, for her strength and courage through the events that were to come, for her heart to hold up, for her to know God's love somehow through it all. For her to feel my prayers for her. And, I often was kept up in the middle of the night overwhelmed with the need to pray for her. Often, I prayed through lots of tears- for a woman I never knew and never will know, but I know I was praying for my child's mother. And, I believe God put her on my heart because she needed those prayers at that time. I prayed for her night after night for a long, long time. And I felt a connection to her that I can't explain.
I also kept reading. And, soon, there wasn't a book on adoption I had not read. Meanwhile, I was ever-so-gingerly bringing up this topic with Scot. I would read him book excerpts, talk about what I was thinking and feeling, and I remember often walking on the treadmill in the living room while our kids watched Curious George and he sat on the couch with his coffee, and I would cry about what I was learning.
I don't remember any big sit down conversations or plans or any arguments. I just remember one day we were giving our kids a bath while it was still light out (maybe it was summer, maybe we were off our routine, I'm not sure), and I just remember him looking at me at the end of what I think was a pretty light conversation about adoption or orphans, and he said, "We're really going to do this, aren't we?"
"I think so," I replied.
8 comments:
Yeah for you, yeah for your family, yeah for your faith-filled hearts. Yeah adoption!
Oh Jenna~ As I read your continued story, I am constantly struck by the similarities in our journies. Not across the board, but definitely a LOT in common!
God bless you as you continue to travel down this road to your beautiful child! We are praying with you and for you!! <><
Have a blessed weekend,
~Tanya
Found your blog via the New Day blog. Neat post to read--great story of your family and your faith.
Kelly
jenna -- AWESOME story! you are a fabulous writer. thank you for sharing your story with us here! it was such a joy to read and i can relate to so much of what you are saying!
HUGS!
rachel
Love hearing this story Jenna and SEEING it written down:-). Sharing this 'calling' is all part of the bigger picture in the end. It will always be an important part of your little ones story...But you're also touching people through Him....reaching people to get them to think...and hopefully act if that's what God is calling them to do. You're providing hope and testifying to how He is working in your life. You really do have a gift when it comes to writting...looking forward to hearing more...and I KNOW God has big things planned for your family....I can't wait to see things unfold for His glory:-).
Love you!
Tam
Jenna, that was a beautiful description of what took place in your lives as God led you to the journey of adoption. Thank you for sharing the beginning and I can't wait to see God reveal his plans for your family! We've been praying through some things related to adoption and while we aren't about to give up, I do sometimes feel lost in a sea of people and stories. Your story reminded me that our lives and our individual story of adoption is still important to God and his plan hasn't changed, I just sometimes loose sight! I'm sure Mary didn't lose sight of God's plan for her life! :-)
Thanks for sharing your heart! It certainly touched mine!
Love,
Robyn
PS - I never got to make the trip to Boston. We missed the really cheap ticket prices when I was being indecisive about leaving the kids and the prices quickly got out of reach. So Jeremiah went without me and enjoyed some Legals Clam Chowder but he did bring home some cannoli's from Mike's Pastry! Such a good man!
When I was in college I read an article about the baby girl orphans in China. I was moved. I remember thinking, if I can ever afford to adopt ~ I will.
Fast forward. I now have three children of my own. We are a happy settled family, or so I thought. However, recently, everywhere I go/read I am seeing things about adoption. I have also "met" several people on-line who are all adopting or have adopted. I know it is God speaking to me. I am not seeking these people and blogs. They are seeking me.
Although I thought our family was complete, I am not so sure anymore.
Thank you for your blog. I will be reading.
By the way ~ I used to be a teacher, too.
Hello. I followed you over here from Ni Hao Y'all!
I had to read your start to adoption. Hearing the background to your adoption story is wonderful. You will cherish this so much.
We have two beautiful girls from China and two biological children (boy,girl) as well. I can relate with how you felt in the beginning.
I think it is awesome that the Lord trusted us with two (so far) children that we had no idea would be joining us. I can tell you this, they are two of the biggest blessings in our lives. When people tell you...oh your daughters are so blessed to have you - they have no idea. It is a indescribable blessing to us. In fact, I cry just thinking about how the Lord opened our hearts to adoption. How we could have missed out on the two girls that complete (for now) our family.
You may want to start a journal and write down things when you get a nudge from Him. I found many dates I was particularly weary or in deep prayer for extended times were important dates in my daughter's history. I loved adding these things as my God stops on her adoption time line :)
Anyway, Congratulations!! Thank you for sharing your story :)
I am off to check in on your every day story now :)
Oh, and one more thing...adoption can be sort of an addiction, in a good way, if that makes sense. You realize that you can do this, that you love to doing this, that you were called to live to do just this...and then this verse becomes more real:
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much...Luke 16:10
Because in my experience and watching the hearts of other adopting families (Ni Hao Y'all is a great example). Once you are trusted with one of those precious little ones...you just may be trusted with another precious one again. And again. And perhaps again. :0)
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