Adoption Update

I suppose it's time for a "Where Are We Now?" update on our adoption process. Not that there is all that much to say, but there is enough that merits some mention.

Last you all heard, the waiting child list at our agency was "closed" (not taking new families) until they cleared out some of the 44ish families that were on there already. During that time, I took the opportunity to call our social worker there and have a get-it-all-out-on-the-table talk with her. In her defense, my really bad interactions with the agency had been with the head of the China program, and not with her. I wanted her to understand where our anger and frustration had come from, and she listened well. It didn't really change anything, but I said everything I felt I needed to say to her, and she and I cleared the air. I felt much better after that conversation.

Well, in February, the list opened back up again. Of course, the e-mail announcing this didn't get sent to us, so I didn't find out till about a week later when I just happened to call to ask about the status. I didn't say my conversation with our social worker actually changed much!

I had expected it to take longer, so I didn't have our paperwork all ready at that time. But, in the course of my conversation with my social worker she asked us for some general parameters of what we would be willing to consider. I told her what I knew we could handle, and she said she'd keep an eye out for us informally. I thought that was really kind of her (baby steps....baby steps). 

Also, during that conversation, she asked us if we were open to a boy. I told her, "Absolutely." She said that would make things faster. I was actually surprised by that, so I asked her how many of the now 35 families were open to a boy. She told me THREE. Only three (count them: one, two, three) families were willing to adopt a boy. I was shocked. We started in the China program thinking, picturing, and naming a girl, because at the time, we didn't realize there was a possibility of adopting a boy. We have a child of each gender already, so we really have no preference. I couldn't believe so many people only wanted a girl.

After getting over my shock, I got scared. For the first time in a long time in this process, I was fearful. Actually, what I thought in exact terms was, "No, it's too soon." At first, I thought this was related to my feeling of being overwhelmed at the time. Feeling like you are going to sink from everything you have going on and hearing that you could easily have a referral in a few months panicked me. 

And then I got scared that I was scared and I wondered what that meant. And I started to really make myself a little crazy over that. But, once I sat and thought about it a bit, I realized that I just knew in my gut we shouldn't put our names on that list yet- for whatever reason. It felt like fear, but when I had some time to think about it, I just more had an overwhelming sense that we needed to hold onto our paperwork for a bit longer. I know it makes no sense, and even as I type it it seems so silly, but I still feel that way. 

And when I talked to Scot about it, he had the same feeling. So, we have our paperwork nearly done, but we're holding it and praying that God will make it abundantly clear when is the right time to turn it in. 

In my moments of fear, I went over and over our story again and again in my head. I've never written the story of how Scot and I decided to adopt, but it has, more than almost anything else, changed my walk with Christ, how I view my mission in the world, and I can say it has truly changed me and the course of my life. It's an ordinary, amazing story that is really, not about us at all.

So, I'm going to tell you the story. Actually, I'm going to write it out so that I can remember, so that others can be encouraged, and so that our son (or daughter, I guess) will know how God chose us to be his (or her) family. 

Me being me, you are going to get the long version of the story with all the details. Sorry, I want to remember every little, important detail. Maybe you'll be encouraged. Maybe you'll identify. Maybe you'll think I'm crazy. Maybe you'll be bored to tears. 

 Mercifully, I will tell it in several installments.

Starting......soon.

Interesting

I found this article about the Brown University student who transferred to Liberty University and then wrote a book to tell about his experiences pretty interesting. 

 I think this is a book I'd be interested in reading. I'm not sure why. Maybe it is because he actually approached the project with the mindset of seeking to understand, and even if I would ultimately disagree with his evaluations, I can respect his wanting to understand and his being respectful in the process. 

Anyone else find this interesting? Have thoughts?

Soles United

Have I ever mentioned we're a Cr0cs family? I mean, I know kids everywhere are wearing them, but how many adults do you know that wear them? How about women?

I was never going to set foot in the Cr0cs that both Scot and my mother-in-law wore and raved about. They were just too.....well.....ugly. Then I saw some cute, feminine Crocs at the store one day, and I tried them on. And I was hooked. Totally hooked. I even ended up buying a lined "ugly pair" to wear as slippers through the winter (I just never wore them OUT of the house, so it was ok if they were ugly since my feet were warm). Then I bought everyone I knew Cr0cs for Christmas. I introduced quite a few adults to Cr0cs this year, and they're sold.

Let me tell you, once you put Cr0cs on your feet, you'll never wear regular sandal or flip-flops again! If you go online, they have a zillion cute styles for women. I just picked myself up a pair of these for summer:

Sawyer is getting the pair pictured up top, because with the purchase of a pair of the s0lesUnited Cr0cs, the company will donate a pair of shoes to a person in need of shoes. It's a small thing, but every little bit counts, right? Plus, the shoes are made of 20% recycled material, so they are eco-friendly as well. Not to mention that as a mom, being able to spray off my kids feet and their shoes just before they walk in the door is quite a benefit! :)

Anyway, just my plug for buying some s0lesUnited Cr0cs for your kids for the summer......and helping others who really need a pair of shoes. 

Easter

Here are some Easter pics for you......

We attempted a family picture- even after being VERY windblown (and very freezing) during the Easter egg hunt. This was the best we could do after several tries.

 

Egg hunting......

Egg painting.....

More egg hunting at the Vet's Home with Grandpa Duke........

It was fun because the kids "got it" this year: not just the Easter traditions, but also why we celebrate Easter- to celebrate and remember the resurrection of Christ (even if Chloe was really preoccupied with "the killing part".......should that worry me??) . 

got tea?

Happy Tax Day!

If you missed the original angry taxpayer's tea party and you are looking for a way to celebrate tax day, how about a "Tax Day Tea Party"?

I'd LOVE to go throw a little proverbial tea in the water to show how less-than-pleased I am about the ridiculous fiscal decisions our government is making at all levels these days. How about you?

Christmas Revisited

I have been meaning to post this for a LONG time. Back at Christmas, many of us were talking about doing whatever we could to reduce the focus of materialism at Christmas maybe making gifts, or spending TIME instead of money. Well, my sister is very good at this. It helps that she's also a very talented artist. With her permission, I wanted to share her gift to me this Christmas- clearly my favorite! It is a book that she illustrated and bound for me, so I can read it to my kids. Wish I knew how to make the pictures bigger, but hopefully you get the idea.












PS- Yes, I'm trying to convince her that she needs to be using this talent professionally. I'll have to share more of her work in the future....maybe you all can help me convince her to get to work! :)

Because I keep getting e-mails asking if I'm ok

So.....am I ok? Yes. Strictly speaking. I am. And no. Not so much. A string of kind of pithy, nonsense blog posts generally means only one thing: I'm sinking. And fast.

I keep waiting for life to slow down a bit, but it doesn't. Apparently, I just need to buy some running shoes and start trying to keep up.

Awhile back there was lots of talk and blog posts I read about "simplifying life" and getting rid of stuff that crowds out time for just being. I thought A LOT about that (hence the fact that those posts were probably 9 months ago now and I'm JUST saying my thoughts on them now- welcome to who I am), and I've come to the conclusion that for the moment, I'm not being called to "simplify my life". In fact, I think what really happened was my life was TOO simple. I was very good at simplifying. TOO good. I would say "NO" to a lot of opportunities to "do", because I thought "being" was preferable to "doing". And, to me, it IS preferable.

However, I have come to the conclusion that I am called at the moment to "complicate" my life for the sake of some things that are bigger than me.

And that's wonderful. I feel honored beyond words. But, it's hard. For me.

I'm good at "being". I like "being. This thing that I hear everyone saying all the time about needing to "do" stuff to feel needed or valued or like a person or whatever......um........I don't have that. I can't relate. And that's not me trying to be funny....I really can't relate.

So, this season of life is HARD for me. Really hard. For most other people, it would probably feel like a breeze. Let's face it, I work two days a week. Two. I have kids that are known by most people to be good kids who are easy to care for (except when they aren't). I have a helpful husband (except when he rips the pinkie toe bone off his foot bone and need surgery, which is another story). And, other than being a wife, a mom and a children's pastor....I do nothing else. But, those things alone are draining me right now. OK, I have a few other things going on- like needing to complete 75 hours of professional development before June 30th to keep my teaching certificate because I thought I had till NEXT June. Then, there's Scot's whole pinkie toe incident which has (no joke) rendered him incapable of doing quite a few things to help out (although he IS getting better). Oh, and there is that little fact that being a wife, mom, and children's pastor are gross over-simplifications. Come on....you know what I mean, right? Each of those is a full-time job.

So, allow me to put this little plug in here. Your children's pastor/director/minister needs help. I don't care who they are or how big your church is or how wonderful it all goes each Sunday therefore convincing you he/she needs no help. He/she DOES need your help. If you aren't currently serving anywhere in the church you call home, pick up the phone and call your children's pastor/director/minister......he/she needs help because he/she is trying to reach kids for Christ but can't possibly multiply his/herself 10 different ways to accomplish that goal.

*stepping off my soap box*

Anyway....all that to say, I'm trying to find ways for life to stop feeling so harried, so overwhelming, so stressful, and start enjoying these things I have been called to do. I'm not managing it all very well at all, and I've realized that if I don't start doing that, I won't be able to keep up much longer. I'm like a rather out-of-shape person who is realizing now that the treadmill is at 5 speed that it's going to get to 10 really quickly, and I'm going to go flying off if something doesn't change about the way I'm doing it all.

And I realize that the problem is me. Life is managing me instead of me managing life.

I want to be a better, more intentional wife. I want to be a better, more intentional mom. I want to be better and more intentional in ministry. However, I'm neglecting me. I thought that was a good thing for awhile. Now I'm realizing I'm not doing the very thing that allows me to have anything to give anyone. I need to be more intentional about the things that refuel me. Those things, I've realized, are the first things to go.

I know I've been called to do the things I'm doing, but in order to do them and do them well, and do them long-term, I've got to make some changes. So, I've been soul-searching a bit. Trying to figure out what to do and how to do it. And trying to keep up in the meanwhile. That leaves little time for the computer. I've been reading, but not posting. But, I'm here. And I'm (mostly) ok. Thanks for asking. :)

So there it is. 1:39 AM and I'm finishing a post it took me a week to write.

Next post: My to do list from now to July (alternately titled "Why I feel like I'm suffocating")
Post after that: Adoption update (because I have one) (that no one should get excited about)

PS- I need a vacation! :)