Cooper

Ah, the update you have all been waiting for........

How is Cooper doing?

Well, he's doing really, really well. Considering the rough transition home between all the holidays and my being sick, he has done remarkably well. He fits so perfectly in our family in so many ways. He loves music, will hum while he plays (exactly like Sawyer does), and he can carry a tune well. He's very easy-going and laid-back. He's a snuggler. It is clear to us all that God truly did hand-pick him for our family. The way he fits the character of our family perfectly is no accident for sure.

Some things about Cooper:

• He loves, I mean LOVES, taking a tubby. He lives for it! 
• He also LOVES the snow. Thankfully, we had on hand a snowsuit that fit him so that when we got this snowstorm, he was all set to go out and play! 
• He loves anything with buttons- especially i*Pods and Leap*sters.
• I love the way he sucks his thumb one one hand, while covering it up with the other. It's adorable to me. (Probably it won't be very soon.)
• He's developed an obsession with Mic*key Mouse. It's hysterical. When the theme song from Mick*ey Mouse Clubhouse comes one, he goes bananas! Again, adorable. (And, little does he know, but his Aunt Jess works for the Mouse....a perk he is sure to enjoy!)
• Scot is convinced he has a photographic memory. I don't know about photographic, but I'll admit, his visual memory in particular is insane! He'd seen my dad's car, a Subaru Outback, maybe twice briefly. Then, when we were out on the road or in a parking lot, every time he would see an Outback he'd say, " YeYe's car"- and he was never wrong even if it was another color. Same thing with Scot's car or mine- never does he mistake it for another model. But, the kicker came yesterday when Scot took Cooper and Sawyer to buy sneakers. They got to the sneaker wall in the store, and Cooper began looking intently at the wall. Within one minute, he said, "Baba shoes". Sure enough, he had picked out the EXACT sneakers Scot was wearing albeit in another color. Now, these are not sneakers Scot wears a often at all. I probably couldn't have picked them out without looking back at Scot's shoes ten times! His memory truly is incredible. And, somehow, we feel freer to brag about it since it wasn't our DNA that contributed to that! :) It's a beautiful gift from his birth parents. 
• He can nearly spell his name ("C-o-p-e-r, COOPER!") and he already recognizes it when he sees it. (Considering my last point, this is not surprising.) 
• When I read a book, he points out every recognizable thing on the pages so that I will tell him what it is. He is laser focus on learning this language, and he is very intentional about it. This drives us all crazy though when we are reading together and actually trying to get through a story! :)

People always ask about how the communication is going, and my answer will be exactly what everyone told me that I wouldn't believe: communication is not an issue at. all. I'm trying to remember if it was in China- but I don't think it was there either. There were times (more so earlier than now) where he would talk a lot, and we were not able to understand what he was saying (which was hard). Sadly, I think now he realizes that we don't understand all that, so he really does speak less in Mandarin to us. So, in that way, it's been difficult- he really can't tell us how he's feeling about all this. But, as far as everyday communication and getting what he wants and needs, there is no issue. He understands 99.9% of anything we say to him. His understanding is a complete NON-issue. When he talks, mostly, it's one word or two word phrases, but still, his vocabulary grows by several words daily it seems. The other day, Scot yelled, "Cooper?" from the top of the stairs, and a second later, there came a yell back: "What?". Scot started talking, then I looked around the corner at him and said, "Did he just say 'What?'" It took us a second to realize that he responded just like our other two kids!

We have even received a precious few spontaneous "I love you's".

I thought I would keep a list here of everything he can say (you know, for posterity's sake), but already the list would be too long. However, the cutest thing he says is, "I love you this"- meaning "I love (or like) this!" which was said a few times over Christmas when he got something particularly exciting. Although, he has said it at the dinner table and about his jacket we bought him as well.

He rarely uses a complete sentence like that, in fact, really he's only used a complete sentence one other time. In the mornings, I drop off Chloe and Sawyer at school and inevitably, when I leave Chloe, and it's just Cooper and I, he starts crying. But, a couple of weeks ago, I looked at him and said, "What's the matter?", and he said to me clear as a bell: "I want to go." I almost started crying right there. Of course, there is no way to explain to him that that's just not the right choice for him right now (for attachment reasons). But, we did sign up for "Mommy and Me" at Chloe's school, which he loved and seemed to be some consolation to him.

One thing the communication barrier does not prevent even a little: tattling. Oh, he loves to come and tell us what happens to him that he doesn't like. And, he can work up the drama with a big pout and a big whine like nobody's business.  Particularly if it involves Chloe....but more on that later.

I hear things about people coming home with their kids who don't sleep well, cry hysterically for hours on end, have temper tantrums, or reject their efforts to comfort them. We have not experienced any of that, and while I certainly am thankful that we didn't have to deal with all that on top of me getting sick, I am still in a period of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm also concerned to some degree that he has not broken down at all in any of those ways. I mean, he must be experiencing those big emotions to some degree. He just doesn't seem to be expressing it......yet.

I continue to remind myself that we're still honeymooning right now. The wheels may come off here in a bit....possibly when I go back to work next week. (Thankfully only two days a week, and thankfully he'll be with my parents who he already adores, and thankfully I have the most flexible job in the world with a team of very understanding people who support us 150%....but still, I'm going back to work which will be hard for him I think.)

We do see him becoming more comfortable expressing his emotions with us. In China, if he didn't like us telling him "No" or whatever, he would just roll with it. Now, he'll fall onto the floor face down with his face on his arms and just lay there. It's sort of a Cooper-tantrum- not yelling or flailing (sometimes crying), just his expression of displeasure at the situation. I see this as improvement honestly. And, we're noticing that he will act as though everything hurts him (boo-boos 24/7), and I just happened to read that this is often an indicator of grief in newly adopted preschoolers. So....I guess he's just more of a reserved kid which presents it's own problems in helping him to work through his grief. But, our radar is up, and we're doing our best while on our knees praying daily for wisdom.

Cooper enjoying his first New England Snowfall

But, so far. So good. We're thankful that God was kind to us in this transition, and that Cooper has been patient with us as we figure him out! One thing is for sure- we are truly and tremendously blessed.

Update #1 from Here

I know, I know. I'm WAY late on an update.

Sorry. I had every intention of being a good post-adoption blogger, and making sure that the stereotype of the blog dying once home would not happen to me. I'm pretty sure that I would have been good about it had I not been so sick. At any rate, that will be my excuse! :)

I actually CAN use it as an excuse, because as for me, my eyes are what still is giving me a good deal of trouble- reading, computer time, and watching TV are the hardest things for me to do still. I just can't spend any amount of time in those activities without getting a headache behind my eyes- sometimes a pretty sharp headache. Noise really bothers me too, and the doctors said that tolerance for visual and auditory stimulation and the exhaustion would be the last things to go. So, basically, I have had to learn to do something very hard for me: pacing myself. Thankfully, I am having more good days now- meaning headache-free or nearly so, and good energy levels. But, I'll have two or three good days, and then some bad days. But, the good days are increasing, and the bad days are less "bad", so seeing improvement is encouraging. They said it would be awhile before I would feel normal, and I thought they meant a week. Um.....no....they meant an easy month or more! I'm trying to be a good patient and roll with it.

Honestly, the emotional stuff following all of this is what I was not prepared for. Once I was home, people felt free to tell me how scared they were that I was going to die. Well, I had been in too much pain to be scared, really, about that in the hospital. And, then once I was out of pain, I was too relieved and felt to good to even consider the thought that I might have died. But, somehow, when I got home, it all hit me, and THEN I started feeling scared about what might have happened. I started remembering how scary it had been to say goodbye to Scot in the hospital or hearing HIM say good-bye to ME. I mean- "GOOD-BYE and here are a few things I have to say to you before you leave this room." At the time, I was crying, but in too much pain to actually be scared- I know it sounds weird, but I don't remember being as scared as everyone else seems to have been.

Then, this week, an 18 year old girl here in NH died of meningitis, and her situation mirrored mine so closely, I had a REALLY hard time. She was being treated with an antibiotic for what they thought was a UTI. Her symptoms got worse over the course of a week or so, but by the time she was admitted to the hospital, she was in multi-system failure, and they couldn't save her. I broke down when I read the story.

Who knew? I, of course, did not know her, but to think that if a few small things about MY story had been different, the result may have been different too. If I had not been on that antibiotic for my Bronchitis that was partially treating the meningitis for a week previous to that Monday. If my headache had started during office hours and not in the middle on the night. If Scot had not insisted that I go the the ER that Monday morning with my mom at 6AM and I instead had waited to see my doctor that day. If I hadn't just returned from China and everyone at the ER wasn't alarmed that I had caught something awful there. If. If. If.

It's humbling to sit in the middle of the night and wonder why you were spared and why she was not.

Obviously, I am profoundly thankful.  I also believe that my days were numbered long ago, and apparently, I have a few left. But, to realize how clearly God's hand was, once again, in my life and in our situation, is humbling.

And, after listening to Chloe sob in the hallway of the hospital because they wouldn't let her come in to see me and she was scared, I am thankful in a way I never have been before that God allowed me to survive. Not for me as much as for my kids, for Scot, for our family. I am glad that those moments for her in the hospital were her toughest moments instead of being a pre-cursor to many, many tough moments.

So....this is what I have been doing. Resting, healing, and processing.

And, then there is China. Have I processed that yet? No....not at all. I just have not had the chance, because this whole being really sick thing threw me more than I would have expected. My emotions have required me to work through this before getting to China. So, that's what I'm doing.

On a funny note.....I have realized that all of this has caused a new variety of creative play in our house. Recently, there was a morning full of playing I-am-putting-in-your picc-line-and-giving-you IV-therapy which was fun for all involved. Then, there is the classic game of you-are-in-the-hospital-with-meningitis-and-no-one-can-see-you game complete with face masks left over from the real-life experience. (Nothing like realistic props to make the game more fun.) Not related to the hospital, but equally hysterical, if the game of I-am-giving-you-a-security-search-before-you-get-on-the-airplane game.

Yes, the kids are processing through this all at their own pace too, and I have noticed that they also have had to process through the sickness stuff first. Sawyer just said to me a couple days ago, "Mom, I don't ever want us to go back to China."

"Why?" I asked him.

"Because I don't want you to get meningitis again."

OR

Chloe: "Mom, is that coughing your bad cold or are you getting meningitis again?"

OR

Cooper: "Mama sick." (First English sentence.)

Watching and helping them work through it has been as hard as working through it myself- or harder. And, then there is the overwhelming gratefulness that it was JUST meningitis- not cancer or something that would have been a far, far longer, tougher, harder journey for everyone.  I am just so, so thankful.

I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, but thankfulness seems to be defining this season of my life like none other.

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So, that update ended up being really long. I'll post tomorrow about what you all REALLY want to hear about: Cooper! :) I will NOT, however, be posting many pictures because I have taken exactly 10 since we've been home. I know, it's crazy, but it's been a little nuts here! :)

One word: WOW.

Binoculars

The warden (Scot) wouldn't let me go to church today! :) I suppose that's the right thing, but I hate missing church. HATE it.

So, I'll share one thing I meant to share the day I ended up in the hospital.

Before we left New Day, I had several chances to sit and talk with Cooper's foster mom. We talked a bout a lot, and I'm glad I have one of those conversations on video tape so I can look back at it. But.....in one of those conversations, she told me how Cooper said one day, "Mama (that's her, not me), when I go to America, I will need binoculars so that I can see you when I'm there."

I was so touched by this boy being so brave, yet clearly afraid to miss his mama. The only mama he's known.

But, my heart positively broke when we went to their house, and she gave me two gifts for Cooper: a spinning Xi Yang Yang toy.......and binoculars.

It just reminded me of how hard adoption is.....wonderful, but hard. It reminded me of the loss that is inevitably part of it. Loss of so, so much.....loss that I couldn't possibly understand.

But, I'm thankful for the binoculars that maybe make it just a little easier.

I'm HOME (Again)!

Once again, there is no place like home.

How do I feel?

I feel thankful to be alive.

More practically, I have a very bad headache (not as bad as the one that brought me to the ER however), I'm exhausted in a way I never have been before, but I am home, the prognosis is good, and I'm sure someday soon I will be headache free. I have an IV and will get IV antibiotics at home (from Dr. Scot :) ) for the next 10 days. They say I may be headache free by January- sooner if I'm "lucky".

I have a lot more to say about the last few days, but honestly, I haven't really begun to feel well enough yet to fully process it all.

A few things I will say...my husband deserves an award. He's been amazing, just so, so amazing. Sawyer and Chloe are so much better now that I am home, but again, Scot did so well with them while I was gone. It could have been so much worse.

Cooper? He is the most resilient boy, and I'm amazed more by him every day. It was a rough week, and he really, really pulled back from me. He and Scot are full-fledged father and son now though. I'm telling you- bonding by fire! He wanted no part of me for days though. He also bonded really well with my parents who helped so much all week.  (Which is good because they will watch him two days a week when I go back to work in January.) In fact, last night Scot came to the hospital with dinner and we had a "date night" watching Survivor there together. He had put the boys to bed previously, but after he left, they got up. My mom let them watch a TV show (ever the Grandma who can't say "no" :) ), and then she put them both back to bed, and Cooper didn't bat an eye. He sung our songs for her and everything.

Anyway, since I got home today, Cooper seems to have already made back up some of the lost ground, not all of it, but enough that I was really encouraged. Poor kid. HE'S been through a lot himself over the last 30 days.

I can't thank you all enough for your prayers and for asking others to pray. All I can say is that I quite literally feel like I owe you my life. God is so good, and I knew He was with me in those darkest hours. I could feel His presence like air- truly I could.

Like I said, I have more to say, and will do so soon, but for now, I'm off to sit on the couch with my husband, and pretend we didn't have the scare of our lives just 4 short days ago.

Another Jenna Update

Hi folks. I know people are anxious to hear how Jenna is doing, so I'm posting another update for her.

She is not feeling as good as she was hoping she would today. Her headache is still pretty intense. In fact, she says she felt better yesterday than today. But, she was able to get up and shower and is still planning on going home tomorrow. The seriousness of the illness is sorta hitting her today.

She promises she will post tomorrow when she gets home. And, she is so appreciative for the network of people praying for her and her family!