I mean, sure- I have three kids, one who is less than 3 months home. I have only recently gone back to work in what seems to be the busiest ministry season ever. I also happen to be a full-time mom.
Two full time jobs I do part time. This is not always ideal.
But, none of that is it. I am managing to keep my head above water. I mean, I'm not doing laps around the pool or anything, but I'm being graceful with myself and thankful to everyone else who is being grace-filled with me. Those who are not being grace-filled, well....right now, they are having to deal.
And, I'm ok with that.
What I'm realizing is that day-to-day life is just harder when you are processing through big emotions.
And, that my friends, is the problem.
If you think you are going to adopt a child, bring them home, and life will go on it's merry little way........you're wrong.
I didn't think that exactly. Not at all.
However, it's the depth of the emotions, the scope of the emotions, the intensity of the emotions, the swing of the emotions, the uniquness of the emotions (or combination thereof), the relentlessness of the emotions....that I was completely unprepared for.
So, tonight when I found myself with time to write, but completely unable to articulate my thoughts, I decided to read blogs instead (something I have been missing, but just have had so little time for these days). Anyway, I ended up over at Tara's blog where she so eloquently said in this post so many of the things I just have not been able to get out.
Her one quote that I started this post with really summed it up for me. It explains for me why everything has seemed so much harder lately- tasks that before were so easy are now so much more draining.
I knew that adoption would change me. I just wasn't prepared for the fact that it would be a long, hard, wonderful, emotional, soul-altering process. I didn't understand before that the emotions- both the wonderful emotions and the challenging ones- all would be very overwhelming at times.
It is like Tara said: a heaviness that I don't know how to manage.
At least not yet.