Overwhelmed

I'm learning that loving a once-orphan from a foreign land 

brings with it a heaviness that I don't know how to manage.

-Tara at "Following Our Leader"

So, I've been overwhelmed lately. I haven't been able to figure out why. 


I mean, sure- I have three kids, one who is less than 3 months home. I have only recently gone back to work in what seems to be the busiest ministry season ever. I also happen to be a full-time mom. 


Two full time jobs I do part time. This is not always ideal.


But, none of that is it. I am managing to keep my head above water. I mean, I'm not doing laps around the pool or anything, but I'm being graceful with myself and thankful to everyone else who is being grace-filled with me. Those who are not being grace-filled, well....right now, they are having to deal. 


And, I'm ok with that.


What I'm realizing is that day-to-day life is just harder when you are processing through big emotions. 


And, that my friends, is the problem.


If you think you are going to adopt a child, bring them home, and life will go on it's merry little way........you're wrong. 


I didn't think that exactly. Not at all. 


However, it's the depth of the emotions, the scope of the emotions, the intensity of the emotions, the swing of the emotions, the uniquness of the emotions (or combination thereof), the relentlessness of the emotions....that I was completely unprepared for. 


So, tonight when I found myself with time to write, but completely unable to articulate my thoughts, I decided to read blogs instead (something I have been missing, but just have had so little time for these days). Anyway, I ended up over at Tara's blog where she so eloquently said in this post so many of the things I just have not been able to get out. 


Her one quote that I started this post with really summed it up for me. It explains for me why everything has seemed so much harder lately- tasks that before were so easy are now so much more draining.


I knew that adoption would change me. I just wasn't prepared for the fact that it would be a long, hard, wonderful, emotional, soul-altering  process. I didn't understand before that the emotions- both the wonderful emotions and the challenging ones- all would be very overwhelming at times.


It is like Tara said: a heaviness that I don't know how to manage. 


At least not yet.

Conversations with Chloe

Tonight, while watching a certain movie about a certain prize-winning horse that certainly had nothing to do with marriage or weddings, Chloe looked up at me and said, "Mommy, there is no one left for me to marry. Who I am going to marry?"

Me: *Huh? What did I miss?* "What do you mean?"

Chloe: "I mean who am I going to marry? Everyone is already all married."

Me: *What the heck are you talking about?* "Chloe, you don't need to worry about that for a long, long time."

Chloe: "But, when I grow up I want to get married so I have to worry about it."

Me: *You're kidding me, right?* "Trust me, Chloe. You will have plenty of options for someone to marry, but you do NOT need to worry about that for a long, long, L.O.N.G. time."

Chloe: "Mom, you know what you always say, 'You just worry about you'."

Me: *speechless*

February's Winner

Oh....I know it's not Valentines Day like I had promised.

I was too busy last night lighting candles (because the lights went out).

I was also too busy sharing moments with Scot that we won't likely forget soon (because I was puking while we was trying to get three kids back into bed while also checking to make sure I wasn't going to die- he has memories of this happening not too long ago and the aftermath wasn't pretty).

So, Kelly, please forgive me for not telling you yesterday that you're the big winner! :)

The Raudenbush Family said...

Too fun. Count me in!

February 10, 2011 12:47 PM

And, also forgive me for not providing video proof for the rest of you. I promise, I didn't pick Kelly because I like her so much. I legitimately pulled her name out of a bucket while sitting here sipping ginger ale, eating plain Goldfish crackers, folding laundry, and watching a webinar.

Turns out I am SuperWoman the day after I get violently ill.

So, Kelly, I'll get your CD out to you ASAP. And, for the rest of you.....there are still 10 months left in the year! :)

Extending the Fun!

I really loved my simple little giveaway last month. LOVED it. I just made me happy to give something that we have so enjoyed to someone else- however simple it was.

So, I'm extending the fun. Making it last a little longer. Like ALL YEAR longer.

I'm giddy with excitement.

Every month during 2011 I will host a giveaway. A simple, but fun little giveaway. Nothin' fancy, just one of our favorite things for that month that we'd like to share with you.

The best part? I't's already February, so it's time for another giveaway.

Many months I make a playlist of songs specific to something special that happens during that month. I like themes, plus I get sick of the same old music all the time. So, breaking out CDs only once a year for special occasions works well for me.

In October, I have a Halloween mix (hands-down the favorite of my kids). July, I break out the patriotic music. November is a playlist full of songs about thankfulness. You get the idea.

February though has TWO playlists. I'm sure you can guess one: love.  A whole playlist about love. It's a fun one!

But, my absolute favorite playlist of all 12 months happens to be the other February playlist: African-American History. Hopefully you know that February is African-American History month, and years ago when I was teaching, my teaching partner and I created a whole unit around that- books, math, writing, language arts, art projects....and best of all music. Music is such a part of the African-American culture and story, so this was of the utmost importance.

 We didn't just play music, we sang together with our kids- 4th and 5th graders. Every day. Boys and girls. And they LOVED it. We taught the kids songs to represent all different phases of African-American History in America...actually starting back in Africa. African songs, slave songs, songs from the civil war, freedom songs, jazz....you name it, we taught our kids to sing them. And we rolled it all together into a program where our kids sang and shared what they had learned. I daresay they remember it as one of the best experiences of their education (I know, they are friends with me on Facebook and will pop in now and then to remind me!).

Anyway.....when February rolls around, I pull out that playlist, and we sing like crazy in the car. The music is so powerful, but it's also so rich in history and story. It's also incredibly fun to sing. For me, it's very nostalgic too....reminds me of the good old days teaching with Kim and singing with "my" kids.

Now I share it with my own kids- and they love it.

I'd love to share this playlist with one of you....this month's winner! I hope you will love it as much as we do! Even more than that, I hope it starts amazing conversations in your home like it has in ours.

How to enter? 

1. Leave a comment here on this post letting me know you're joining in the fun. You'll automatically be entered to win.
2. For another entry, if you have a blog, grab the button below (or from my sidebar) and post it in your sidebar to share the fun with your blog readers. In your comment to this post, let me know you did that to get your entry!
3. For yet another entry, write a simple blog post about my simple giveaway and include the blog button. Again, let me know in your comment that you did. 

<center><a href="http://www.manycoloreddays.com/"><img src="http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/mm4/theartoflivingdesigns/OurManyColoredDays/button.png"/></a></center>






I will pick a winner on Valentine's Day, of course! :) So, be sure to leave a comment by midnight on Sunday, February 13th letting me know how many entires you have!

I'm SO excited....and already have half the year planned out! I can't wait to share some of our favorite things with you!

Chinese New Year

I have learned to cut myself some slack. I actually have.

Normally, I would have put all sorts of pressure on myself to go all out for Chinese New Year since this was Cooper's first one here with us. However, it's been a busy three months, and well......I'm just now maybe sorta feeling like I might be coming up for air at some point. Between China, the holidays, my sickness, Chloe's birthday, Cooper's birthday, and going back to work.....I'm thinking the fact that my kids get out the door in the morning with their hair brushed and (on a good day) matching clothes is an accomplishment.

(Those of you that know me in "real life" and know that Scot takes the morning shift getting the kids dressed, fed, and ready for the day can just keep that to yourselves. The fact that MY clothes match in the morning is an accomplishment, ok?)

SOOOOO......I cut myself a generous amount of slack, reminded myself that Cooper doesn't want any "Chinese" food anyway, and basically let the official Chinese New Year go by with little (ok, zero) fanfare.

However, I feel I made up for it in some small way today by going in with Cooper and Chloe to teach Sawyer's class about CNY. They have been learning about the phases of the moon, so talking about Lunar New Year (celebrated on the day of the first new moon in the new year) and the Lantern Festival (celebrated on the 15th day after that when the moon is full) fit perfectly.

I think I outdid myself. And, considering I threw it all together last night, I also think I put myself right back into the running for Mother of the Year.

I went to a local Asian market (which smelled very authentically of China) and picked up some red envelopes and Sweetend Lotus Seeds that were specially packaged as New Year treats. I brought chopsticks to give the kids for the fun of it, raisins as a "dried fruit" to give them to symbolize my wishes for a "sweet future" for them, and chocolate gold coins for the red envelopes.  I planned a lantern-making craft so that they would have Lanterns with which to celebrate the full moon in two days, and I brought a great book:

It was fun. I shared with the kids some of the traditional ways of celebrating the New Year in China, read the book, and we did the craft (which was crazy-insane, but the lanterns came out cute). My kids all wore their silks for the occasion. 

Before I left, we opened the Lotus Seed candies to give the kids, and literally I was gagging almost instantly upon smelling them. The smell was dangerously similar to a bathroom full of squatty potties at the Great Wall. I am not even kidding.  But, I happily passed them out to the unsuspecting second graders anyway (I'm mean like that). 50 % of the kids actually LIKED them (including Sawyer). 

At any rate, Cooper kept saying, "I love you Chinese" while beaming from ear to ear. I actually think he had an idea of what we were celebrating (albeit the pathetic ultra-Americanized version that it was). Sawyer tried his best not to walk beaming into the room with his brother (it was seriously adorable to see how proud he was). Chloe just enjoyed being a second grader for an afternoon- and she too wanted to hold Sawyer's hand and sit right next to him the whole time. 

As for me, I enjoyed being back in the classroom for a short spell- and leaving it all behind when I went home. 

But, for some reason, it felt very festive, oddly fun, and I left with my heart feeling super happy (in the words of Kai-lan).

So, I did what I could do this year. I didn't get our Chinese New Year tree up (don't ask....it's just easier with a tree to decorate, ok?), but I did do this. And we did read lots of books about Chinese New Year. 

And, well......there's always next year!

Wordless {Brothers}

A Very Special Birthday

Today was Cooper's first birthday home.

We celebrated with a big Mick*ey Mouse party on Saturday where our whole family and our closest friends came out to celebrate Cooper's life and his arrival home. My family has a knack for singing a beautiful and boisterous rendition of "Happy Birthday" in perfect (three or four part harmony.....I'm not even kidding.....I'm always impressed). I took the picture above while we were singing to Cooper- as you can see, he was absolutely BEAMING. We could all see form a mile away how special he felt in that moment.

So, I started to cry.

I looked up and Scot was crying.

And then I looked around and I'm pretty sure everyone was crying.

What did we do to deserve such an amazing blessing? What a GIFT Cooper is.

Speaking of gifts, Cooper got a few he just loved. There was "Buzza Lie-Year" (Buzz Light Year), "Lie-Nin Car" (Lightning McQueen), and, of course, some Mick*ey Mouse.

So, then, I played Cooper's birthday video. Every year on my kids' birthdays I take the best pictures from the entire year, set them to music, and burn them on a DVD to show at their birthday party (family only....I don't subject their friends to these videos).

Cooper's first birthday video for his fourth birthday was particularly challenging though. So, I decided to make it exclusively for Cooper- to tell him his story up to this point and to help him begin to understand that he was no accident. He was absolutely meant to be- and his life has touched so many even in just 4 short years. Even with all the brokenness he has experienced by no fault of his own, God has a plan for His life- a plan to give him hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

We thank God every day for allowing us to be part of those plans.

People say to us all the time, "WOW.....what an amazing thing your family did. He's a very lucky boy."

Let me make something very clear:  This was a very amazing thing that GOD did. We have been along for the ride, and I assure you, we are the ones who have been blessed.

Anyway.....Cooper's video had no sooner started then I had to run to get tissue boxes. Even me, who had seen it 1000 times already, lost it again.

It's really quite humbling to be part of a work God is doing....and to put it into words is hard. To make it into a video is even harder, but I tried. Fair warning, it's long. (13 minutes to be exact.) But, again, I made it for Cooper, so length was no object.

So, if you'd like to see Cooper's video, you can view it here.

BYO warm beverage of choice and tissues.

-----------------------------------------

Cooper,

The journey to find you and bring you home changed us all and touched so many lives in the process. We will never be the same. Only God can do something like that, and we will praise Him forever for His goodness to us.

You are a beautiful, resilient, brave, sweet, strong boy. We are blessed beyond measure to be able to love you and be your family. Our prayer for you is that you will continue to let Him write your story and get all the glory for the great things He has done and will do.

Happy, happy birthday, Cooper! We are so thankful to be celebrating with you this year- and we look forward to all the years to come.

Love,

Mom and Dad