Waiting for Baby Panda Bear

Birthday #1

2012-02-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

Now that I got that off my chest, time to talk about the FUN stuff!

I don't love having two kids with birthdays closely following Christmas (and closely following each other). There is no post-holiday lull around here. When Christmas is over, we rip down the decorations to create the illusion that there is some time between it and Chloe's birthday. When Chloe's birthday is over, we move right into Chinese New Year, and usually DURING the CNY celebration week, Cooper's birthday arrives.

Last year, we were newly home from China, and I was still having day-long headaches. We kept everything to a bare minimum. This year, however, I really wanted to give the parties some attention and make them special in small ways.

When Chloe said she wanted a "Tangled" party, I knew EXACTLY where to turn for inspiration: Rebecca. I've read her blog for a LONG time. Long before either of us brought our children home from China, but recently, I have LOVED her blog for a whole new reason- she provides me with ENDLESS inspiration. These days, I am inspired by her fun, intentional, easy, creative kid-friendly ideas on almost every topic on a near daily basis. Seriously, you should bookmark her blog- you'll be glad you did!

Anyway, when Chloe said she wanted a Tangled party, I remembered Rebecca's post about the Tangled party she threw for her daughter. SO.....I clicked over and had enough ideas to make an AWESOME Tangled party for Chloe. (I'm not going to re-link all her links. If you want to know where I got all my ideas....just head over to Rebecca's post! :) )

First, we made some super-cute party favors. (We spent a couple "Friday Mornings with Chloe" doing these together.)

On the day of the party, we set up a few different stations where kids could have fun. They could be an artist like Rapunzel:

Or they could read a book (or maybe two or three) in the reading area. Scot thought this would go largely unused by party guests. I'm happy to report, it was more popular than coloring! :)

All books chosen by my kids.

We also played "Pin the Nose on Flynn Ryder"- that was the biggest hit of the party!

Of course, the menu also reflected the movie: guests got their drinks, (root) beer of course, at the "Snuggly Duckling" pub,

we "repurposed" Maximus' favorite treat, apples, by slicing them and offering chocolate and caramel dipping sauces (notice we served them in a frying pan....also Rebecca's idea....genius, I tell you!),

But the biggest hit of the party treat-wise, were the "Boats on the Lake". All the adults loved how they looked, all the kids LOVED how they tasted! :) Score!

My creativity stopped at building a cake tower, but when the woman at the local grocery store said they did not have a "Tangled" themed cake, I wasn't sure what to do. She said, however, that she thought she could make us something we'd really love. She'd seen the movie and was willing to create a design entirely her own if we'd trust her. "Sure thing", we said! She did not disappoint!

All in all, it was a really great day. I enjoyed putting together some creative touches with Chloe to make her party special, and Chloe had a GREAT day!

After this party, I had just enough time to rest up and plan for Party #2. Details coming soon!

Lucky Boy

2012-02-09T20:13:00.000-08:00

Oh, I have so much to catch you all up on....birthday parties, and other fun things.

However, tonight, I feel like writing about this.

If you are an adoptive parent, you get some version of the "lucky boy (girl)" comment all the time I imagine.

If you are not an adoptive parent, the comment is something like this, "OH, he's such a lucky boy!" Sometimes they'll add that he's lucky to be part of our family or to have been adopted or whatever.

Now, we (adoptive parents) know what people mean when they say that. However, we just don't see it that way, so it's one of the comments that makes us most uncomfortable (and some adoptive parents downright irritated). I can explain why another time, but check out this small insight from a great post over at We Are Grafted In:

Please don’t make saints of the adoptive family – There are many more families now making the choice to adopt to grow their families for reasons other than infertility. Amen! But, don’t praise the family by telling them how lucky the child is to have them or how wonderful they are to rescue this child. It can be pretty uncomfortable. And, that type of praise actually can be harmful if said in the presence of their children—biological and/or adopted children.

Generally, I am able to understand why people say this, and formulate some kind of response that is tactful and something that hopefully educates them. Recently though, I had a "lucky" comment that downright floored me, left me speechless, and really, really mad.

I was having a simple conversation with a woman who interacts regularly with Cooper. She was asking about his health, and I was saying how excited we were that he "graduated" from twice yearly cardiology visits to just annual visits.

She responded by telling me what a lucky boy he is.

I started to respond by saying, that no, WE are the ones who are blessed.

But, then she interrupted me and said, "No, I mean he's just SO lucky that he was born with that heart condition, because it allowed him to get out of that awful country."

For. Real.

I paused because a) I was literally stunned speechless and b) to give her a second to rephrase that in a way that didn't make me want to scream at her.

She didn't rephrase. In fact, she went on to say, "You know what I mean? Think of the life he would have had compared to the life he has now."

In one fell swoop she managed to say how awesome it is that Cooper has a heart condition, insult his birth country (which we love), and completely minimize the loss and hurt Cooper has experienced in his life suggesting that living in America outweighs all that.

I have no idea how I responded to her. All I know is that I willed myself to be courteous (because I suppose it was the right thing to do AND there were several other women in the room), and I ended the conversation.

Here is how I would have liked to respond:

"Really? Lucky to have been born with a serious, life-threatening heart condition? Lucky that that heart condition is likely the reason his birth parents felt they had no option but to abandon him? Lucky that he lived in an orphanage for 13 months before undergoing open-heart surgery without a mom or a dad to stand vigil, hold his hand, and care for him as he recuperated? Lucky he has lost his birth parents, his beloved foster family, all his friends, his culture, his language, and everything that has ever been comfortable and familiar to him and had to adapt to a whole new life that is completely foreign to him? Lucky that he grieves those losses daily in various ways? Lucky that he sometimes sobs because he misses China so much?

Really?

If that were you child or grandchild, just how lucky would that seem to you, I wonder? In what universe would a child who has gone through that be considered lucky?"

Or maybe:

"Yeah, seriously. Being born with a life-threatening heart-condition is such a blessing sometimes, huh? Especially when it results in you losing absolutely everything important and familiar in your life and having to start over completely when you are just about to turn 4. Yeah. He's livin' the dream alright."

You might be wanting to say, "But, Jenna, you know what she means."

You know, maybe I used to. But, what I'm saying is that once you adopt a child, you are acutely aware of the loss that child has experienced and the deep, deep hurt that causes them. In no way does any of that seem "lucky", and someone saying he is lucky because of it seems ignorant, thoughtless, and insensitive.

Am I thankful that he now has a family forever who will love him and walk with him through every bit of that hurt?

Yes, I am.

Should the fact that he is in America and in our family negate all that loss and hurt and grief and make him feel "lucky"? No.

If my parents died in a car crash shortly after I was born, I was discovered to have a major illness requiring major medical intervention to survive, I lived for a couple of years in foster care and then I was adopted to a (loving) family in Singapore because there was no family for me here in the US, would you say, "OH, what a lucky girl"?

No, you simply would not.

I'm not saying you should say, "Oh, that poor boy (girl)" either. We don't want our kids to act like, be treated like, or be seen as victims. I'm just pointing out how ludicrous it sounds to say a child is lucky simply because in the end they ended up in America.

And saying a child is lucky to have been born with a life-threatening condition? It doesn't matter "where you are going" with that comment. Shut up.

As for insulting my child's country of birth? Please just don't. We happen to love China, and while it has it's issues (just like the United States I might remind you), the people there are beautiful and our son is one of them. When you insult his country, you insult him and us. I feel like this should be obvious. But, in case it is not, there you go. Keep your thoughts on international affairs to yourself.

Thankfully, this was an over-the-top comment. Not one I will likely get again. I dare say I don't know many people who would be so bold or thoughtless as this woman was.

Hopefully this experience left me more prepared to answer the next question or comment- whatever it might be. I'm thinking it can't get much worse than this!

And, if you want to pray that I can be as successful at taming my tongue next time, that might not hurt either.

The Year of the Dragon

2012-01-27T11:19:00.000-08:00

Oh, the last few weeks have been full. Full to the brim.

I'm going to go back and cover birthdays later, but I'm going to start with Chinese New Year. Last year, we were newly home from China, I was still recovering, and we celebrated very simply. I decided this year, I'd go a bit more all out.

I still didn't get the Chinese New Year tree up. However, since I didn't have all my ornaments yet anyway, I didn't care. I know, a CNY tree isn't traditional anyway, but it's my thing (with big red bulb lights and zodiac ornaments), and it looks awfully cool when I get it up. I did get some plum blossoms though!

This year, I focused on sharing with others about CNY and making my kids feel special in the process. So, I asked each of their teachers if they would be willing to allow me to come in to do a short lesson on CNY for their respective classes. Each of them said, "YES!"

It was a BLAST!

In Chloe's class, I read "My First Chinese New Year" by Karen Katz, and "Bringing in the New Year" by Grace Lin. Then, because it is the Year of the Dragon, we made dancing dragons. I wasn't sure about this project, but they came out AWESOME, and the kids LOVED dancing around to dragon dance music with them to scare the Ni'an away! I also gave them all mandarin oranges as a "good luck" with for the new year.

In Cooper's class, I read the same books I read to Chloe's class. However, the teachers didn't give me enough time to do a craft. So, I bought the kids crowns. They have no basis in tradition, but when we went to the party store, that's what Cooper wanted. SO......that's what Cooper got! They looked so cute, and I suppose they do have dragons on them!

With Sawyer's class, I wanted to do something extra special. I also wanted to put together a kit for myself I could use easily in the future. That way, each year, I can grab the kit and go into their classes with a fun, interactive lesson that is all prepared for me already. Plus, Sawyer's teacher gave me an HOUR! That's a lot of time!

So, I spent a LOT of time reading about the main traditions of Chinese New Year, and boiling it down to twenty "artifacts" of Chinese New Year- things that the kids could hold in their hands that would highlight a particular part of the CNY celebration.

My favorite of all the artifacts were the two dumplings I sewed out of felt, and stuffed with cotton balls! Who wants to guess what the Dog Bones represent?

Anyway, once I had all my 20 artifacts collected, I put them all in brown paper bags (some grocery bags, but mostly lunch bags) and numbered them form 1-20. When I got to Sawyer's class, I gave out one bag to each student. I told them they could not open their bag until I called their number.

I proceeded to go down through the bags number by number. When the kids would pull out their artifacts, I would explain what that had to do with Chinese New Year. The kids sat with rapt attention, because they could NOT wait to see what would come out of their bag. Plus, I told them there were two lucky bags- the kids that had those bags would get to keep (and possibly even share) the contents of the bag. The girl who got the red envelope with a dollar in it was the envy of the class, and the boy who got the bag full of mandarin oranges to share was pretty psyched as well!

Then, we did a Think-Pair-Share Venn diagram activity that allowed the kids to compare and contrast how we celebrate the calendar new year here in the US with how Lunar New Year is celebrated in China.

Think-Pair-Share means that they had a minute to brainstorm their ideas for the Venn Diagram. Then, they paired up with one or two other classmates to share ideas and fill out the Venn Diagram better than they could with just their ideas alone. Then, each group contributed their ideas to a large Venn Diagram for the class.

See my home-sewn dumplings there in that picture?!?!? :)

The kids really enjoyed it. It is, of course, customary to start the new year off with a fresh start, and since I couldn't buy the whole class new clothes, I bought them the one thing that would be great for a fresh start in a classroom: a new (dragon) pencil. I also gave them papers to take home describing their zodiac animal (it was one of the "artifacts" in one of the bags). It was a BLAST, and the lesson is highly adaptable for various age-levels, class sizes, and time periods- which makes it PERFECT for me! I am SO glad I took the time to put it all together this year!

To wrap up our celebration at home, we had some delicious take out, and ended dinner with a much anticipated dragon cake!

Kelly inspired me with a post about hers. Normally, I wouldn't even attempt it, but I was on such a roll! So, having never (ever) baked a cake before, I just jumped in with both feet. It came out better than it looks in the picture, but my vision of making green and red "scales" with M&M's did not come to fruition because they kept slipping off. So, it's not exactly what I had hoped for, but I was really quite happy with it. I chose a home-colored (by Chloe) dragon face instead of store-bought, and she was VERY happy about that honor!

All-in-all, it was a great celebration of the Year of Dragon here. And, I *think* we are even going to have a little Lantern Festival of our own this year as well! I'll keep you posted on that!

Meanwhile, I'm putting my feet up for a day or two before Cooper's birthday party is upon me!

Intentional

2012-01-23T14:40:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know I have a blog.

Yes, I know I have been neglecting it.

But, I have been neglecting it, because I have filling my life chock full of home-spun birthday parties, self-created Chinese New Year lessons for three different classrooms, basketball (x2), weekly ski lessons (x2) and just spending time making memories! I've been very intentional about my days lately.

I will post soon....when I get more than ten consecutive free minutes.

I have LOTS of fun (and pictures) to share with you!

Resolved

2012-01-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

Resolutions.

They've never been my thing.

I just don't think life works that way: you make a declaration that you are going to do something, and then, you'll do it. I just feel like it sets me up at the beginning of the year to feel like a miserable failure at my own life (which is, by the way, something I should be rather good at- living my own life).

However, this year, I feel really impressed to make some changes. Nothing radical or anything, and not really resolutions, so to speak. More like things I want to keep on my proverbial "dashboard" this year. Things I want to become habits in my life so I will have to...*gulp*....resolve to do them.

What I've learned about myself in the last three years is that intentionality is NOT my strongest suit.

I have to be intentional about being intentional.

So this year, I'm making some of my intentions public so that you all can keep me accountable.

First of all, I have Chloe to myself only on Friday mornings while both of the boys are in school but she is not because she is in afternoon kindergarten. And, that will only last six more months. Then, my one-on-one time with Chloe will have to be created. It won't just be there for me. So, I'd have to be intentional about creating it, and we all know where that will get me. SO.....my first intention this year is to keep Friday mornings as completely Chloe and Mommy time until June when that time is gone. Every Friday morning, my phone gets turned off, computer gets ignored, and Chloe and I do something special together. Not always something big and flashy, just something that allows me time to be with her, focus on her, and enjoy her while I can.

Today was the first Friday of the new year, and we went shopping to get all the supplies for her birthday party, and then we came home and started creating some of the party stuff. Totally simple, but Chloe was thrilled. It was all about her and me.

I am SO looking forward to Fridays with Chloe. I'll try to post each week what we do- so I can be accountable.

My second intention of the new year is to prioritize my health. There are three very specific reasons for this. First, in the summer, I went to the doctor because I was feeling exhausted all the time. Long story short, after some blood tests, they told me that I am basically one bad blood test away form being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. My family history is worse than bad with diabetes, but I'm not doing myself any favors either with poor exercise/diet choices.

Secondly, I'm just starting to feel old. Seriously. I am only 37, while it is dangerously close to 40 and that's somewhat shocking because I'm pretty sure I just turned 30 a couple of months ago. But, I know I would feel younger and look younger if I took control of my health.

Thirdly, my sister asked me to be in her wedding. Nothing like a wedding to help you get in shape, huh?

So, I'm going to make better food choices, and I'm going to exercise 30 minutes every day, NO EXCUSES. (I just want to say that I want to delete that sentence because I really feel as though some things aren't excuses, they are facts of life. I'm really good at making excuses.)

Anyway, I'll be reporting to you all how I'm doing. You probably don't care if I walk on the treadmill on any given day, but, hey....if I feel like you are wondering, maybe it will help me get on the darn thing every day!

My third intention for the new year is to create one-on-one time with Sawyer by scheduling a monthly Sawyer and Mom date. Again, simple, but when not scheduled intentionally, it falls by the wayside. I am also going to create time to read with him and help him get into the habit of spending time with God by walking through a devotional together. I'll keep you posted on what we choose and how we like it. Right now, we're reading the ever-so-spiritual book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix! :)

Sure, there are other things in my life I really need to be more intentional about. However, I'm starting with and focusing on these three, because I think they are all really important right now.

What are you planning to be more intentional about in 2012?

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-22T23:56:00.000-08:00

Wishing you a Christmas filled with this kind of JOY!

Reunion

2011-12-15T18:24:00.000-08:00

When Cooper was in China, he had a foster brother, Ming Ming (or Ning Ning, as Cooper calls him) for a long while whom he loved.

About 6 months before we traveled to bring Cooper home, Ning Ning (Adrian, Ming Ming....we call him three different things here....) was adopted by a family in Alabama.

That was a difficult loss for Cooper. The picture below breaks my heart- it's them telling Cooper that Ning Ning is leaving. Of course no one knew at the time when (if) Cooper would ever see Ning Ning again. Cooper looks so sad, and I hate that I wasn't there.

Cooper asked about "Ning Ning" every day after he left. At the time, I was not Cooper's mom. I was the volunteer who edited Cooper's sponsorship update that went out every month to the people who sponsored him while he was at New Day. I clearly remember editing the update in March 2010 that said this:

Evan’s little brother, Adrian, was recently adopted by an American family. Evan is missing him a lot, and tells us often how much he misses him. He tells everyone that Adrian went to the United States and he wants to visit him there!

That's when I started praying for Cooper to be matched with a family. My heart broke when I read it (at that time I hadn't seen the picture.- just the words broke my heart). And, of course, I had no idea that in just 4 short months I would be looking at his picture, knowing his file was on the shared list, and realizing that we could be the answer to my prayers.

BUT....that's a different story! :)

Shortly after we were matched with Cooper, I connected with Adrian's mom, Shawna. (You can read that post to get the whole story.) We became fast friends.

And, while we were in China, Cooper's foster mom told me how very much she was longing to see Cooper and Adrian reunited in the United States.

I think we all were.

So.....It didn't take long after Cooper was home for us to try to make plans for a reunion between Cooper and Adrian. But, life being what it is for two families of five made coordination kind of tricky.

However, on December 3, Cooper and Adrian were finally reunited to the great joy of three mamas who love these boys.

It was a little awkward for them at first (not for us Mamas....we hit it off right away!). And, we had to get past the really sad and hard moment when we realized that Cooper's ambivalence to Adrian's arrival was because he thought they were coming to take him with them. Once we ALL clarified in no uncertain terms that Cooper was staying here and they were going home and taking Adrian with them, Cooper was able to enjoy all sorts of fun with Ning Ning:

playing cars

Playing Wii

taking a tubby (which is apparently a New England term, I found out)

watching movies and eating ice cream

And just hanging out

The whole lot of us had a blast during our three-day sleep over.

The dads watched football and talked politics. The moms talked long through the afternoon into the early evening sitting half-freezing on the front porch.

All while the kids had endless amounts of fun:

playing (more) Wii

exploring the stream

climbing rocks

And (what else?) building a tornado shelter.

I dare say it's the only one of it's kind in our town.

A gift from our extended family in the south.

(Note: Shelter only rated for tornadoes rated F -10 or lower.)

And, there was lots of sleepy-headed DS playing as well.

(How else to keep 5 kids quiet when one decides to sleep in?)

The kids even had fun posing for a group picture thanks to Scot:

"Pretend like you are on a roller coaster!"

Did I mention that all three of our kids are the same ages as their three kids? Sawyer made fast-friends with MaiLin. They were inseparable all weekend long!

Chloe had a great time with AnnaLi as well.

Truth be told though.....AnnaLi was maybe second most excited to see Cooper. She had bonded with him while they were in China to pick up Adrian, and she was so sad to leave him behind. She asked about going back to adopt Cooper, and she prayed for him to find a family. It was a sweet reunion for her too, I think.

After a short three days, we said a very tearful good-bye.

When Cooper spontaneously said, "Bye, Ning Ning. I love you. I miss you." we all had to take a moment to regroup. I had held it together pretty well up till that moment.

Thankfully, we know we'll see them again even if we don't quite know when. I'm sure it will be too long though.

Who knew that when we adopted Cooper that our family would grow by more than one?

How blessed are we?

And, PS- we did send many, many pictures to Cooper and Adrian's China mama so that she too could share the joy!

Conversations with Cooper {Over Lunch}

2011-12-13T10:18:00.000-08:00

*Cooper sits eating some tuna for lunch*

Me: Did you ever eat fish in China?

Cooper: Is this fish?

Me: Yep.

Cooper: No.

Me: How about chicken? Did you eat chicken in China?

Cooper: Nope.

Me: Hmmmmm.....then what did you eat for dinner in China?

Cooper: Candy.

Me: You had candy for dinner?

Cooper: Yep.

Me: Really?

Cooper: Yep.

Me: Oh, wow.

Apparently, life is all unicorns, rainbows, and M-n-M's in China.

Who knew?

WINNERS!

2011-12-08T14:42:00.000-08:00

The two winners for the Truth in the Tinsel downloads are:

Sara:

Sara said...

eek! I just realized that I forgot to include what our family does to keep the focus on Jesus at Christmas in my first comment! (too excited about the chance to win! ;)Please don't count this as another entry! Think of it as part 2 of my first comment ;)
One thing that we do which I love is read "One Wintry Night" by Ruth Graham Bell. You can find it here http://www.amazon.com/One-Wintry-Night-Ruth-Graham/dp/B002T451MM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323200866&sr=8-1
It is a beautifully written and illustrated book that nestles the true story of Christmas in the middle of a fictional story about a little boy who gets lost in the woods. We read it every Christmas Eve at bedtime, and love it!
Sara

December 6, 2011 11:52 AM

and Kristi:

Kristi said...

We discuss ways to have a birthday party for Jesus each year and our advent calendar is a nativity with stickers that you put on each day to start filling in the scene. So far we have two angels and a star on ours.
We also have our Fisher Price nativity and at least once a day I read a different children's book that tells the story of Jesus's birth to my kids and help them act out the story with the little people. I love it when I catch them telling the story to each other!

December 4, 2011 1:55 PM

Both great ideas! If you could both e-mail me your e-mail addresses (to: scjchardy{at}yahoo{dot}com), I'll send you your very own personal download links! YAY- you can even get started tonight!! :)

Also....a shout out to Kelly. I LOVE her Christmas idea as well.

Me...I'm seriously behind. I've got ZERO decorations up, only half my shopping done, and I've missed three days of the Truth in the Tinsel devotionals (BUT some of that was for a decent reason which I will share when I get 10 seconds!).

Let's just say I'm looking forward to this weekend and realizing that the up-side of meningitis last year was that I had a very peaceful, uncluttered, unscheduled, nothing to do but be present with my kids December.

Not so this year.

I'm just trying to be present when I can, and do what I need to when I can.

And not get overwhelmed by what I *think* December should be like. This year, it is what it is.

Next year is different!

Congrats to the winners! I hope you ENJOY it!

Winners, and Advent, and ANOTHER Give Away!

2011-12-01T18:35:00.000-08:00

OK.....what I love about these giveaways are the odds.

Seriously....one in six! :)

This time I very prayerfully pulled a name out of a hat, and that name was: Rachel! And, I was happy, because I just like her. And her kids. Even though I've never met them! We've been following each other's blogs for a LONG time, and she has been an incredible encouragement to me in so many ways on this adoption journey (both hers and mine).

rachel said...

jenna, i am so glad to hear this! i was praying for you. my mom's in town and we were both sick with another (yes, another!) stomach flu. we were too sick to even make/have a thanksgiving dinner. but i was very thankful the kids didn't get it. and thankful for my family.

ps - sleeping on the bathroom floor to cool a fever sounds absolutely *dreadful*.

November 29, 2011 7:08 AM

Rachel, I have your address, and I'll get that book right on out to you! I hope you love it as much as I have!

-------------------------------------

Switching gears entirely, I have been looking for something new to do this year as we count down the days to Christmas. I have a few simple qualifications:

It has to be simple. I've tried complicated or involved, and I'm just not good that way. I have not been intentional enough (yet) to create a set of Jesse Tree ornaments. Every year I remember that I really want to, it's WAY to late to try to pull it together. There's always next year, I guess. (But, you should totally check out that link to my friend, Rebecca's blog. WOW....she did an awesome job with her Jesse Tree ornaments. If you are as crafty and advanced planning as her, you'll LOVE the Jesse Tree idea! )
It has to help my kids better understand the story of the birth of Jesus. I'm not interested in advent calendars that give them a piece of chocolate and help them get excited that they are one day closer to a boat load of gifts. That's just not my thing. I want each day to bring a new discovery of the Christmas story.
I'd like it to be truly kid-friendly. Devotionals that are way over my kids are not helpful.

So, today I stumbled across the Truth in the Tinsel: An Advent Experience for Little Hands by Amanda White. (She blogs at Impress Your Kids.....go check it out. It is loaded with awesome ideas!) At first glance, you may immediately think I forgot my #1 qualification of simplicity. The entire book is geared around creating an ornament with your kids every day in the month of December.

OK, well, yeah. That's not simple in my book. Let's face it, I'd be dead in the water on night #1.

However, this still qualifies because:

The readings themselves were simple- only thing I needed was a Bible, and I have one. Simple.
It fits my other two qualifications: it focuses on the Christmas story, and with my kids being younger, it focuses on the major elements of the story. It's repetitious, and the talking points are VERY kid-friendly.
One word: downloadable. No running around trying to get it. I saw it. I liked it. I bought it. I printed it. I used it. All in like two hours time.
Another word: modifications. I totally skipped the ornament tonight because I didn't have time or the materials on hand. But, I did do the other suggested activity, which just involved a dark closet and a flashlight. I had those on hand. So, we read the passage from our children's Bible, and then had a conversation in the closet with the flashlight. It was awesome! And, I felt like Mother of the Year because I didn't miss a day! :) She offers other suggestions besides the ornaments daily! I'll make it my goal to do an ornament at least once a week. I can manage that!
She includes options to help you create "clues" you can use in an advent calendar to help your kids focus on the one thing they are supposed to take away for that day. Brilliant. When my kids went to bed tonight, I pulled out our wooden advent calendar with drawers (like the one she uses in the post linked above), printed out her icons for each day, wrote the scripture she suggests for that day on the back, and stuck them all in the correct drawers. Now, all I need to do every day in December, is check the book in the morning for the activity, have my kids pull out the clue, then we are on our way! I literally downloaded the book a few hours ago, and now I'm all set for the month. Awesome!

So, I'd love to give TWO lucky winners a downloadable copy of Truth in the Tinsel. (To be clear, I'll be buying two additional copies and sending the two winners the links to download them. I'm not paying for my copy and then forwarding my copy to two people. I just wanted to be sure to clarify that. Stealing is NOT in the Christmas spirit. It's also a violation of copyright law, and that would be a bummer!)

In order to enter, please leave a comment letting me know what you do at Christmas to focus your family on Christ instead of on Santa, gift getting, and all the other things about our modern day version of Christmas that don't seem to have to do much with the REAL reason we celebrate.

If you'd like a second entry, become a follower if you are not already!

Please be sure to enter by midnight on Tuesday, December 6. I'll announce the winner on December 7th!

I have a few more ideas on this topic (some my own and some from others) that I'll share this month as well. We may not have arrived yet, but every year we've become a little bit better at focusing our family on Christ at Christmas. I'm hopeful that every little change will make a big impact on our kids!

Good News! And November's Giveaway!

2011-11-28T19:34:00.000-08:00

Good news: I'm still alive.

I am also perfectly fine- nary a stuffy nose to speak of.

And, in case you were concerned, I also ate PLENTY of dessert after Thanksgiving. Even maybe ate more than one to make up for last year.

The best part was- I didn't spend the whole weekend worried about dying or coming down with meningitis again. I really did feel peace all weekend and confidence that it was indeed, JUST a sinus infection.

So, in celebration of the fact that I'm not in horrible pain, throwing up, and cooling my fever by sleeping on the bathroom floor like I did on this night LAST YEAR, I'd like to give one lucky commenter a copy of What Women Fear by Angie Smith!

It was so tremendously helpful to me this weekend, I want one of you to have the blessing of reading it and benefitting from it as well!

What do you have to do to enter? Just leave a comment telling me what you were most thankful for this Thanksgiving. That's it.

But, leave your comment before midnight on November 30th! I'll pick a winner December 1st!

What was I most thankful for this Thanksgiving?

I was thankful I was there and healthy.

And that I could eat dessert.

The Storm

2011-11-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

It all started with a question.

"Have you ever been to our office before?"

The lady just wanted to check me in to the Immediate Care so I could be seen by a doctor. I have been having cold symptoms for a couple of weeks, but over this past weekend, it had clearly turned into more. I knew I had a sinus infection, but thought it could also be a chest infection of some kind because my cough had become worse. I decided not to wait till Monday because I was hoping to sleep Sunday night. So, I went to Immediate Care.

"Yes, I've been here before." Pause to mentally double check the date just in case I was mistaken.

"Exactly one year ago today in fact."

And that started the trickle of fear that built quickly into a tsunami.

"Since you are coughing you'll need to wear this mask."

Last time I wore a mask I was in the ER thinking I was going to die.

I sat down. It took me a few minutes, but I realized that I was sitting in the exact same seat that I sat in a year ago. Less than 12 hours after arriving home from China, I went to Immediate Care thinking I had pneumonia. I actually had bronchitis, so they prescribed me an antibiotic. Nine days later, I had meningitis.

So, this time, I moved seats in the waiting room. Couldn't hurt, right?

---------------------------------------------

Several days ago I resumed the unpacking that had stalled since the initial round of unpacking after our move. In one box I found a book that I literally did not recall buying, What Women Fear: Walking in Faith that Transforms by Angie Smith.

I tried to think if I had bought it FOR someone or if I was planing to read it myself. I knew it was on my "Want to Read" list, but I didn't think it was high enough on that list that I would have already bought it. So, I stuck it on the stairs by the front door waiting to be transported upstairs to my bedroom.

Apparently, I'm lazy, because it never made it up the stairs. So, it was sitting right by the front door as I left to go to Immediate Care on Sunday. Figuring it would be a long wait, I grabbed it. Being stuck waiting with nothing to read is one of my biggest pet peeves.

-----------------------------------------------

Several chapters into the book, I was called into the exam room. I went through the whole story of last year with the nurse, and also the doctor. Everyone asks me the same thing: "Are you sure it was bacterial?"

Like I'm a walking ghost or something. Or a hypochondriac that was exaggerating.

"We had a case of it last year in late November, but that person had just got back from overseas- Asia or something."

"Yeah, that was me. I had just returned from China."

"Oh. That was you then."

Yep. Yep, it was.

She checked me out- confirmed the sinus infection, but told me my lungs sounded clear. She said she'd like to knock it out so she was going to put me on the same antibiotic as last year. Then, she excused herself to go fax it in to the pharmacy.

And, that's when I lost it.

I had kept the storm down to like Tropical Storm levels up to that point, but the mention of being treated with the same antibiotic exactly like last year "so she could knock this out", swirled the storm instantly into a tsunami of fear inside me.

Literally a perfect storm of events and timing.

Meanwhile, Scot texted me: "I'm starting to get nervous. This is eerily the same as last year." Apparently while I was gone, he too had put together the timing, and realized that he was home alone with the kids last year wondering if I was ok- and it was happening all over again for him too.

When the doctor came back in, she took one look at me and shut the door again.

"Are you ok?"

Through tears I couldn't stop, I said, "I need you to tell me this isn't going to happen again."

She proceeded to tell me all the facts as I already knew them: most people don't get bacterial meningitis once in a lifetime, let alone twice. It was a freak thing. And, besides, I likely picked it up in China.

But, then she proceeded to tell me, "But, now you know how meningitis feels. So.....if you have any of those symptoms again, you go straight to the ER."

Um......I'm getting mixed signals here. I thought it wasn't going to happen again?!?!? I don't want to EVER have those symptoms again. That's actually kind of the point.

As I walked out of the office, I had this nagging voice in my head saying, "What If?" What IF the antibiotic they gave you last year didn't actually save your life (like they repeatedly told me last year)? What IF it actually wasn't strong enough to treat whatever you had going on and the infection went rogue (one cause of bacterial meningitis)? What IF it actually caused this whole mess last year (a scenario I had never considered before)? Because IF that is the case, it can happen again.

I had read enough of What Women Fear to know that this voice was NOT my friend.

--------------------------------------------

I had a good cry in the car. And since Scot and the kids were out running an errand when I got home, I jumped in the shower and had a really good cry. (I figured the guise of a shower might help the kids not notice I had been crying.)

I followed Angie's advice (she's the author of the book in case you missed that!) and I completely unloaded dropped all my fears at Jesus's feet in a long rambling prayer. I also begged Jesus to show up.

Literally.

Like in-my-bathroom show up.

I'm not kidding. I asked Him to please show up and tell me it was going to be ok. That I wasn't going to nearly die (or actually die) again. Because that was really scary.

For the record, He didn't show up in my bathroom.

But, the shower did throw the kids off and they didn't notice I had been crying.

----------------------------------------------

Just before I put the kids to bed, I read to them as we snuggled in my bed. Then, I opened up our Jesus Storybook Bible to where we had left off the night before so we could read the next story.

It was called "The Captain of the Storm".

It was, of course, the story of Jesus and the disciples in a boat on the sea when a big storm kicks up. Jesus is sleeping peacefully below deck while the disciples were freaking out thinking they were going to die. (It's nice to know I am in good company.)

The disciples frantically wake up Jesus, He tells the storm to stop, and it does. Afterwards, he turns to the disciples and says,

"Why were you scared? Did you forget who I am?
Did you believe your fears, instead of me?"

Jesus did indeed show up just liked I asked Him to.

And He calmed my storm with His Word.

--------------------------------------------

I have been much better- both emotionally and physically- the last couple of days. However, last year I also felt much better pretty much immediately once I started on the antibiotic, but by dessert after Thanksgiving dinner, I couldn't eat and was feeling really bad. Things got progressively worse over the course of the weekend before I knew something was really wrong on Monday morning, November 29th.

Honestly, I think my fear will start building again as I take my first bite of dessert on Thursday, and I'll probably hold my breath all weekend until I get through the 29th.

Thankfully, I have not finished What Women Fear yet, and when I wake up at night (coughing), I have been reading that until I get sleepy again.

I don't think it was any coincidence that I just so happened to come across that book a couple days before all this. I think God allowed it to stay buried in a box. Even stranger, it was not in a box of books (of which there must be 15 boxes full of just books that have not been unpacked), but instead it was in a box of random office supplies. It got unpacked because I needed a stapler.

I'm so thankful for a God that shows up- before you ask Him to and when you ask Him to.

If you think of it over Thanksgiving weekend though, would you pray for us? I know it's silly, and the actual danger isn't real, but the anxiety Scot and I are feeling is very real.

Pray that in the storm that will inevitably rise up again this weekend, that we will focus on the Captain of the Storm and not the size of the waves and experience the calm that only He can bring.

China {Revisited}: Home

2011-11-19T12:41:00.000-08:00

I guess, technically, this is not China revisited.

But, it is revisiting one of the sweetest moments of my life- arriving home with Cooper to a gathering of our friends and family that was a HUGE surprise to us. We assumed our families would be there- less to see us, more to see Cooper.

What I didn't expect was how many of our friends would show up at midnight to let us know how excited they were to have us, and Cooper, home.

It was one of the most wonderful surprises of my life.

The best part was seeing Chloe, who was so intensely out of her element for 18 days in China, so wonderfully HAPPY to be home and to see her family!

That's Chloe running full steam for Grandma!

Followed closely by a reunion with Grandpa.

And her cousin.

No one was happier to be home than Chloe, and that's saying a LOT because we were all VERY happy to be home. When we arrived in Newark for our 8 hour layover before boarding the plane for home, we went straight to the (crowded) bathroom, where Chloe yelled at the top of her lungs, "MOM, LOOK! IT'S A WESTERN TOILET!"

Everyone in the whole bathroom started laughing. Truth be told, I wanted to cheer right along with her! I also wanted to drink directly from the tap. Those of you who have been to China understand this.

Of course, the sweetest part was being able to introduce Cooper (who was half-asleep and overwhelmed) to the family and friends who had loved him and prayed for him and looked forward to this moment with us for years.

Cooper meeting Mimi (Scot's mom)

Meeting Aunt Melissa, my sister

The first picture of our whole family together on US soil- and with one of America's newest citizens!

The BEST part of the whole thing, is that some friends of ours who are adoptive parents captured the homecoming on video for us. (Click the link. Then, click the thumbnail video to watch it.)

What an amazing gift this has been. They told us their daughter loved watching her homecoming video, and they wanted to give Cooper that gift. We had no idea how much this would mean to us until we saw it. Cooper does indeed LOVE to watch it, and so do I.

I love seeing the anticipation of Cooper's family waiting to meet him for the first time after a long, long wait.

I love seeing all the signs people made (SO unexpected!) because they wanted to share our joy- and help Cooper understand how excited they were to have him home.

I love watching Chloe run to get to Grandma only to be blocked by glass, but then she presses her face to the glass against my mom's on the other side.

I love seeing our tearful reunion with our moms. Because, really, doesn't hug-from-mom = HOME?

I love seeing Cooper's happy smile as he holds the balloon someone (Grandpa?) bought him as he's loaded into Grandpa's truck for the short drive to his new home and the rest of his life.

What's not to love about all of it?

I'm SO thankful to have it! (Thanks, Rob and Laura!)

Then we arrived home to this:

I expected this even less than I expected the crowd at the airport!

It meant more to us than we could say to know that Cooper was so loved, and so eagerly anticipated by our family and friends! (Thanks, Alex, Liz, Olivia, and Benjamin!)

Arriving home is sweet all by itself after 18 days in a very foreign country. But to have the people you love welcome you with such joyful anticipation? It is very truly priceless and made a wonderful arrival one of the best moments of my life!

We arrived home just days before Thanksgiving with so, so much to be thankful for!

China {Revisited}: Semi-Wordless

2011-11-15T14:51:00.000-08:00

The scene we woke up to every morning at New Day. Absolute silence and stillness except for the man sweeping the entrance.

So thankful that Scot was there with me as I fulfilled my lifelong dream to stand on the Great Wall of China. Even more thankful that Pete, our guide from New Day, was there to capture the spontaneous picture!

Chloe working it for the crowd of locals gathered to take pictures. After a whole morning of this, she had caught on and decided to play along. Sawyer was just being nice, but he was not so much into everyone taking his picture.

As you can see, they drew quite a crowd.

Dried fruit of all kinds at the Bazaar in Urumqi.

Woman worshipping at the Buddhist temple.

Random man at the Buddhist temple that was very interested in Sawyer

and insisted I take a picture of them together!

The local market in Gaungzhou-

where you can get just about anything you never knew you needed......like snakeskin.

Or scorpions (alive or dead- whatever your fancy)

Sorting scorpions (very much alive)

Um....your guess is as good as mine

School children doing their morning exercises

The "trash truck"

China {Revisited}: Urumqi

2011-11-14T17:43:00.000-08:00

Our time in Urumqi, presumably the city of Cooper's birth, was.....well.......mixed. We spent a lot of time bored out of our skulls and stuck in our hotel room thanks to our guide that was anything BUT adventurous. In fact, she basically told us never to leave the hotel without her- then proceeded to tell us about the long stretches of time she WOULDN'T be with us. Looking back, we should have simply struck out on our own. Of course, at the time, that seemed pretty intimidating.

Our days in Urumqi were the healthiest days we had too- only Sawyer was sick there, and once he started on his antibiotic, he started feeling better quickly.

By our last day in Urumqi, we were passing the time by rewriting the lyrics to the Veggie Tales song, "We're Going to the Promised Land" to fit our China travels......"The dining was lousy in Urumqi, but we'll be feasting in Guangzhou for sure." Did I mention we were B.O.R.E.D?

However, in Urumqi, I had one of the most amazing, emotional, and truly unexpected days of my life: visiting the hospital where Cooper was found and having an unexpected lunch as the guest of a local Chinese official. Scot stayed back with the kids because they had not slept the night before, and we were worried that the long car ride and the boring (to them) nature of the trip might be a bad combo. So, I decided to go to this other part of the city by myself with my guide.

(This picture was taken right outside the front of our hotel in Urumqi- very metropolitan area.)

No sooner were outside of the city proper and headed out to the rural part of the city, than I started to think I hadn't actually considered if this might be, you know, a wise idea. Here I was in a car with some guy who was apparently a friend of my guide's and my guide. I had no way of contacting Scot, and he had no way of knowing exactly where they would take me. Thankfully, it turned out fine, but I did spend some time on the drive outside the city thinking about how bad it COULD turn out.

(20-30 minutes outside Urumqi- the metropolis is gone and is replaced by poverty and dust)

My favorite part of the car ride was the wrong turn we took that landed us driving on a street where there was an open air market going on. Mostly it was a food market, but you could find clothes and such too.

We were STUCK in this market for probably 45 minutes at least. I asked my guide if I could simply get out and walk next to the car. She told me in no uncertain terms that that would NOT be safe. I realize now that she simply was uncomfortable in this part of the city (being a very urban girl herself). It would NOt have been dangerous, and I should have TOLD her I was getting out in stead of asking.

So, I took in all the sights and sounds of the market from the car. We were in the middle of everything, so I was able to really soak it all in. The man selling naan bread.

The women buying and selling celery.

The meat sitting out in the sun on a piece of plywood- surely someone's dinner.

The vegetables lined on tarps placed down on the road. It all seemed so beautiful and simple to me. I nearly forgot where we were going in the enjoyment of getting there.

I studied every face. Every woman- could she be? Every man- could he be? Every child- could he have been here? Would this have been his life?

I loved the man below in the leather jacket in particular. To look at him, the way he was dressed in this jacket, v-neck sweater, and khaki pants, he looks like he might be on his break form an office in any city in the US. He was ruggedly handsome, and I wished I knew all about his life.

I watched him carefully shop for his ginger- was he shopping for home or was he a business owner?

As we left the market, I was sad that I was missing this opportunity to experience the rhythms of normal Chinese life. I didn't want to go.....except that I was also anticipating seeing the spot where all we know of Cooper's story began.

(This donkey was standing among trash about 10 feet from the edge of the road where the market was)

After a long time (and several calls to the local police department for directions), we arrived at the hospital.

I just sort of stood there. I looked at it for a long time, took pictures in every direction. But, then I wasn't sure what to do- keep standing there staring at it? Leave? It seemed too soon for that.

My guide asked me if I wanted to go in.

I definitely had not thought I'd get to go in. Was that even ok? I remembered that my guide was a first-class scaredy cat, so if she was assuring me it was ok, I assumed it was MORE than ok for me to go in. But, I could not help the feeling that I was trespassing.

I went in, and immediately, I just didn't want to stay. Even now, I'm not sure why, but given the opportunity to go back, i don't think I would have done anything differently. At one point we passed a stairwell with a big open area underneath it- perfectly hidden in both directions from any people.

I just became overwhelmed with the idea that this cold, not-so-sterile, hospital was where Cooper was left completely unattended for who-knows-how-long. The hours of his life when he was really and truly completely alone.

I snapped a couple pictures for Cooper and then told my guide I was ready to go.

In the parking lot outside, I lost it and my poor guide didn't know what to do with me.

This was, essentially the parking lot. There were maybe 20 spaces for cars in a single row out in front of the hospital, but this bike area was the primary parking lot.

Immediately upon leaving, my guide got a call from the police station. Apparently a local official (a tax collector no less), had heard there was an American in this part of the city here to adopt a boy from the local SWI, and he wanted to invite me to lunch.

Again, I asked my guide if this was safe, and she assure me it was (gain, I assumed that meant it really, really was). I insisted she call the hotel so I could at least let Scot know that I would be out longer than I had expected, and he was totally ok with me going.

I was SO excited- and honored.

We drove around the city a bit while we waited for "The call" that he was ready. During that time, I got to see the police station where Cooper was brought after he was found.

We finally drove to the office where this official worked, and we followed his black sedan over to another office building a few miles away where we picked up a woman who (according to my guide) was not his wife.

They took me to a hole-in-the-wall dumpling restaurant where the dumplings were delicious if loaded with celery (which might be the thing I HATE most in the world to eat)! I dipped them in LOADS of vinegar while praying that whatever I was eating was indeed safe! :)

Over lunch we talked about politics (hysterical if you know me at all), what I thought of China, and adoption. He started crying when he told me how thankful he was that we were adopting Cooper- that he is hopeful that he could be healthy, get a good education, and maybe even come back to China someday.

I assured him that we would educate him to his fullest potential, provide him with the best medical care available to us, love him unconditionally, and absolutely bring him back not just to China, but to Urumqi. I assured him that we would let him know just how beautiful and amazing the city where he was born is.

Both he and the woman had eyes filled with tears.

The woman never said a word. I have no idea who she was or why she was there. It seemed awkward to ask since it wasn't information that was offered to me.

They were thrilled to take a picture with me when we were done. He told me to come and find him when we came back to China.

I plan to do that- crazy as it sounds.

Before he left, he asked if he could come to the city to meet us for dinner there- the whole family. In Urumqi, with the time being 2 hours behind the rest of the world, work would not end for him until 7PM, the earliest they could meet was 8PM. Cooper had already demonstrated that he was literally unable to stay awake past 7PM and my other two kids were getting VERY emotional every night past bedtime. That combined with Chloe's breakdowns at dinner when she wasn't able to secure a bowl of white rice to eat had both me and my guide thinking that was NOT a good idea.

It is another deep regret I have from our time in China. (The only other one being that Scot and the kids weren't with me to experience this day.)

We absolutely should have gone to dinner with them.

I thanked them over and over for their hospitality. I'm not sure they'll ever know just how much that lunch meant to me.

I wish I could go back and do it all again.

China {Revisited}: Adoption Day

2011-11-10T17:25:00.000-08:00

I had planned on "Revisiting" China daily through November and reliving what ever we had done the year before. OK, well....not so much! Life here is crazy busy, and blogging every day just does NOT happen.

I'd have REALLY loved to at least get a post in on Adoption Day (Nov. 8), but with school, dance class, celebrating adoption day, AND "Astronomy Night" for Sawyer's class, it just did not happen. I decided to spend the day completely present with my family.....it was a good choice.

So here we are: Adoption Day, two days late! :)

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The one year mark.

There were lots of days that I LONGED for this day.....and wondered what it would be like. It did not disappoint.

I have never seen Cooper so unreservedly HAPPY. He's a happy boy in general, but it was the joy that he wasn't even bothering to hold back that made my day. It wasn't about adoption day for him- he doesn't get it just yet. What it was is that the day was all about HIM- and us telling him how happy WE are because he is part of our family.

We talked about last year:

"Remember when we came to pick you up and you ran right over to us yelling, "Mama! Baba!" and you gave us big kisses."

"Remember your Thomas backpack? As soon as you said 'Hello' all you wanted to know was where your backpack stuffed with toys was!"

"We all put our red fingerprints on some official papers that said we wanted to be a family forever. Mom and dad promised to love you and care for you FOREVER."

(My favorite picture of the day- Sawyer walking out of the Civil Affairs Office

hand-in-hand with the brother had had prayed for for years.)

"We did a LOT of waiting that day, but that's the day you learned that an i*Pod is a wonderful invention."

"That was the first day I ever got to snuggle with you, sing to you, read to you, and watch you sleep."

This year on Adoption Day, it was warm. So I put Cooper in a short-sleeved shirt, but told Cooper I was going to get him a sweatshirt to wear over it. He immediately said, "I want my tiger sweatshirt."

He has never requested a particular sweatshirt before. I was MORE than happy to oblige. It was the sweatshirt he was wearing when he met us. I wonder if he remembered. His China Mama (that's what we call his foster mom), had clearly purchased him a nice, new outfit to meet us. It's one of our most treasured possessions. Plus....he looks absolutely ADORABLE in it.

I took a few pictures before we ran off to school. On the last picture, I said, "Smile big so we can show Cooper how much we love him." They included a spontaneous hug.

I'm pretty sure it made him feel very special- look at his face!

That evening, after school and between dance and astronomy night at the school, we celebrated quietly with take-in Chinese food (to avoid awkward questions that tend to plague us at the restaurant) and a couple small gifts.

Grandma got him a head lamp (for use in our next 5-day power outage, I guess), and a toy Mini-Cooper, which is the car Cooper says he will drive when he is "all big".

Our gift to Cooper was his Lifebook.

And he LOVED it.

"It's my Cooper story!"

"Hey- that's my friend, Robert!"

I think he also loved that his brother and sister wanted to read it too.

We ended with cake and, at Cooper's insistence, a rousing rendition of "Happy Adoption Day to you!"

Then, we headed off to astronomy night. At first, I was irritated by this school event happening on Cooper's special day. However, as I stood out on the baseball field on a warm, crystal clear evening looking up at the stars through a telescope, I couldn't help but think of both Cooper's Birth Mom and his China Mama who were halfway across the world, but under those same stars. I thanked God for them and for all they did to help Cooper grow while they had him and for the love they gave him while they could.

It was a GREAT end, to a GREAT day.

And, while I DID forget to get a family picture on our very first day as a family of five. I did NOT forget to get one this year!

It was indeed, a happy, happy Adoption Day!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for........

2011-11-07T08:34:00.000-08:00

Halloween.

Yes, most of you trick-or-treated last week. However, we had 18 inches of snow on the ground along with a crazy amount of trees and power lines. Apparently the powers that be decided that a child being electrocuted by downed power lines would dampen the festive spirit of Halloween, so they postponed it, to last night. Much to the chagrin of many- not the least of which was Cooper- who was VERY excited about his first Halloween- an American holiday that involved getting a bag full of free candy from the neighbors!

It was wicked cold, but we had fun anyway.

Mickey and Minnie! Chloe originally wanted to be Snow White, but the promise of a new sparkly dress and soma fancy shoes was all she needed to get on board with the theme! :)

This is Cooper's "I'm-tolerating-you" face.

My sister, Melissa, always dresses up- which my kids LOVE. This year, she dressed up as Leia, obviously, to complement Sawyer's Luke/Anakin (depending when you ask him).

I personally find it uncanny how much he actually LOOKS like Luke Skywalker!

The force is obviously strong with him.

All in all, it was a fun night- if a week late!

China {Revisited}: What I learned

2011-11-06T18:01:00.000-08:00

While we were at New Day, we spent the majority of our time in preschool, meeting the kids, playing with them, and just generally experiencing Cooper's daily routine there.

We fell in love with the kids there- it wasn't difficult at all. We expected that we'd love the kids, and New Day.

What I didn't expect was how much God would teach me as I spent a few days at a Chinese orphanage.

Each day, the kids would hop in our laps, ask to be held, want us to play with them and pay the most attention to them. Each of them desperately wanted and needed a mom and dad.

As I was in the preschool, I realized that because of their situation, there was nothing that these kids could do to MAKE someone come for them. It didn’t matter how smart they were, or well-behaved they were, or hard-working they were or how kind they were (and they were all those things and more), none of that made any difference, because they were completely unable to initiate the relationship they so desperately needed and wanted.

In order for them to have that relationship, a family, often halfway around the world, had to love them SO much that they would go through a long, difficult process, travel a great distance, and incur fees that totaled a high cost to adopt them and make them a beloved son or daughter.

I was also looking around and realizing how deep the needs of the kids in the room were- kids whose needs were very obvious- like Philip, who rolled around preschool in a make-shift wheelchair and needed help to do many simple tasks- but also kids who on the outside looked like any typical child, like Robert (now Jace), but who had unseen, and often life-threatening heart conditions.

And, as I was realizing they there was nothing they could do to MAKE a family come for them, I was also realizing that these kids, with these deep emotional and physical needs, couldn’t be TOO NEEDY for someone to come. In fact, I knew as I was standing there that several of those kids who were in that room had parents who were going to be coming to pick them up VERY soon in spite of whatever their needs were. They loved them so much.....nothing could keep them from coming!

And in the weeks and months that followed those days in the orphanage, God helped me to understand on a much deeper level what J.I. Packer was talking about when he said that “Our understanding of Christianity can not be any deeper than our grasp of adoption”.

You see, the situation of those orphans in that preschool classroom so closely mirrors our own, doesn’t it?

We all need a relationship with the God who made us, but we are unable to initiate that relationship. There is nothing we can do- we can’t be smart enough, or kind enough, or hard-working or well-behaved enough to earn that relationship. The gap is too big.

But, because God loved us SO much, he sent His Son a great distance to pay the ultimate cost- His own life- so that we could have a relationship with Him that gives us hope and a future.

No matter how broken we are- either deep below the surface where no one can see- or out there in a big messy mess for the whole world to see, NOTHING would have stopped Him from coming. He loved us too much to leave us as orphans.

As we left New Day, I felt the love of God in a way I had never felt it previously.

It was an experience that forever changed me.

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**On a wonderful note....nearly all the children in these pictures have either been united with their forever families or are matched with a family that will be traveling to pick them up soon. The only three children pictured here who are not currently matched are Caleb (the baby Scot is holding in the second picture), Josiah (the baby in the last picture), and Philip (sixth picture). Please pray with us for Philip to be matched. He has seen many of his preschool classmates and even one of his foster siblings be adopted. He is desperately longing for a family of his very own. Will you pray with us that he will be matched soon?

China {Revisited}: Meeting Cooper

2011-11-04T06:22:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, our faith became sight, our long wait was over, and 45 months after he was born, we met our son- and hugged and kissed him for the first time.

I dropped him off at preschool this morning remembering that it was at preschool last year where we met him. It could not have gone better.

He ran right over to us, and from that moment on, he has allowed us to love him and he has loved us in return.

When we met him, he didn't look like our child, smell like our child, or feel familiar to us at all, but even in those first moments when that scared me a bit, I knew without a doubt that God had blessed us immeasurably more than we would have ever asked or imagined.

There really aren't any words to fully express the moment you see your child for the first time, the video really says it all.

Today (and every day) we praise God for the blessing that Cooper is to us, and for the privilege it is to be able to be his family- forever.

China {Revisited}: Travel

2011-11-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

Travel was by far the part of the trip that made me the most nervous as we prepared for the trip- I mean the actual flights.

I don't like to fly, and my kids had never been on a plane for longer than 2 hours. 13.5 hours on a plane? Um.....that sounded awful.

Long before we were matched with Cooper, someone told me that once I was matched and it was time to get on that plane, I wouldn't be worried at all- I'd be ready to do whatever it took to get our child.

And that was very true.

I felt such a sense of peace and utter anticipation at all the following three weeks would hold in store. I wasn't worried at all- I was excited, and I was also pretty confident that God didn't bring us all the way through all of the previous three years to drop us in a burning fireball over the ocean leaving Cooper twice orphaned! :)

We brought LOTS of stuff with us- stuff for New Day and also for every possible contingency as far as the kids were concerned: medications and food being top among them. Both would prove invaluable while we were there.

When we arrived in Newark, our flight was delayed. (About the last place you want to be when your flight is delayed is stuck at Newark airport!) So, one year ago today we spent a LONG day killing time at the Newark airport (kind of like we're spending LONG days killing time here there and everywhere now with the power out).

The kids were really excited too! They saw this as a grand adventure! They did great on the flights too. They watched tons of movies and TV thanks to Con*tinental Airlines in-seat TVS. They played with the many toys I'd packed for them. They just didn't SLEEP. We all got MAYBE 2 hours of sleep on the plane. The food was surprisingly yummy too.

All in all, the ease of traveling, including landing in Beijing and navigating the airport there (getting our luggage and such) without a guide went remarkably smoothly.

We arrived in China in the dark. Pete, the volunteer coordinator at New Day, picked us up at the airport, and we began a long drive from Beijing to New Day where the city melted away and gave way to small houses, farmland, and lots of dirt. We could see next to nothing as we drove because there were few lights once we left the city.

I didn't cry when I first set foot on the ground in China like I thought I would. However, as we drove and I saw a small fraction of Chinese villages even in the dark, I became a bit overwhelmed with emotion. I was IN CHINA. CHINA. Finally.

Oddly, it did not feel foreign. It felt like landing at home.

Once we arrived at New Day, the realization hit me that Cooper was here. Right down the road. Out the kitchen window of the guest house, I could look across the traditional Chinese courtyard, and see the playroom and bedrooms of the kids that stay at New Day. I got all choked up.

I was AT New Day, this place that I had long loved filled with children and people I felt like I knew but had never met.

It all was so surreal, but I stood there soaking it in. It was one of the best nights of my life.

It is incredibly fitting, actually, that we are without power, living in a cold, dark house this week. Scot pointed out that it is JUST like our days at New Day. The lights in the guest house were dim- like living by candlelight or flashlight. And because we got there before China turned on the heat, the room was cold. We had some sort of a heater in our room, but it was likely 50 or 60 degrees in the room. We bundled up to go to sleep. The floor was cold to walk on. It's EXACTLY like we are living right now.

The nostalgia and longing it has inspired in us almost hurts. We long to go back. To China. To New Day.

It helps to know that one way or another, sooner or later, we WILL go back.

But, for now, we bundle up in bed by candle light and remember.

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*Thanks to my mom having power back, I had these pictures that she took when we left. Until we get power back, there will be no more pictures. Bummer.

China {Revisited}

2011-11-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

Last year at this time, we were packing the last of our stuff, and preparing to sleep our last night at home as a family of four before boarding a plane to China where our lives would be changed forever by a little boy.

Has it really been a year? Has it only been a year?

When we got home from China last year, I meant to post lots more of our pictures and tell more about our journey. There was so much more to see and to tell. However, I got sick and all that fell to the wayside. This year, I am going to go back, day-by-day and share more pictures and stories from our trip. It seems the perfect way to celebrate both one year home and National Adoption Month.

I hope you'll come along as I revisit China and remember how God taught us so much through one 18 day trip to China, and how He really does bless us immeasureably more than we would ever dare to ask or imagine!

This "revisiting" will be picture free and rather difficult to accomplish for the time being, because this past weekend we got a snowfall uncharacteristic for even New England- 12+ inches of heavy wet snow in October. Heavy, wet snow + trees with leaves still on them is NOT a good combination, and we awoke on Sunday to what looked like the apocalypse on our street- trees and power lines down every where.....and no power. We have not had power since Saturday night, and we've been told not to expect it until the weekend. I had not prioritized unpacking the flashlights, so it's been all kinds of fun here.

But, we are fine, and I keep reminding myself that even without power, we have it better than so many people in the world. We have clean water and we're able to feed our kids 3 meals a day- isn't that reason enough to be thankful? Plus, it's not the middle of winter and sub-zero at night yet. We can get by without heat (thankful for polar fleece and extra blankets).

Anyway.....I will post when I can, and I'll be posting daily with pictures once we get power back.

I hope you will enjoy revisiting China with me. I'm longing to go back.......I guess this will have to soothe the longing for now.

October's Winner

2011-10-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

Cooper had the privilege of picking this month's winner's name out of a hat, and the winner is: Valerie!

Valerie and Jeff said...

I LOVE my Matt Maher CD these days-so many on there just speak to my heart. But I can't wait for the new Casting Crowns release from what Tara posted--what a sweet deal if I could score one here! ;-)

And the band is speaking notess of adoption? Hmmm, they're my husband's fav band ... maybe they'll speak to his heart? Always hoping.
Thanks for the giveaway. Win or not, it's always FUN!
-Valerie

Valerie- if you e-mail your address to me at scjchardy{at}yahoo{dot}com, I will get your Come to the Well CD right out to you!

Scot and I have been listening to it and have agreed that it is their best CD yet. The two songs I mentioned previously are worth the CD alone, but Jesus, Friend of Sinners might be my new favorite song. Incredibly powerful message- a sermon set to music.

So, I've decided based on the fact that I LOVED the CD so much that instead of waiting until November to make up for my lack of a giveaway in September, I'm going to give away a second CD today! (I'm SO spontaneous, huh?)

If I didn't know better, I'd think Cooper might have thrown this one, because he picked my friend, Ally, who also happens to be his Sunday School teacher. I think he's kissing up! :)

Ally said...

I love listening to Luke sing Jesus loves me. It is my absolute favorite.

October 18, 2011 6:18 AM

YAY, Ally- I know you'll love this CD!!! I'll give it to you tomorrow when I see you! Does Luke have a CD out that I can pick up? ;)

If you didn't win, go to Be*st Buy this week (before Saturday). Apparently they are going to have Come to the Well for a crazy-low price of $7.99. OR go to Tar*get- apparently they are giving out a $5 Tar*get gift card to anyone who buys the CD between now and Saturday as well. (All this according to Casting Crown's FB page).

Either way, it's well worth the price- you'll be encouraged, challenged, and blessed by it!

Refreshing Honesty (Not mine.)

2011-10-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

I love. love. love. when bloggers write with refreshing honesty about adoption.

Adoption is wonderful. It has changed me in ways nothing else likely could have. It has taught me so much I never would have learned another way, and most of all, it has enriched my life in ways no man can measure by the presence of a little boy who is an amazing, undeserving gift to our family. To my life.

And, Cooper transitioned beautifully into our family. Textbook. I wouldn't have prayed for it to go this well, because that would have been asking too much.

But, has it been easy? Um.....no.

We're getting to easy. Most days feel easy now.

But, I still remember the "after the airport" phase like it was yesterday. And those days were hard.

What do I mean, "after the airport" you ask?

After the Airport.

Refreshing honesty about something real and difficult.

At least it is refreshing if you've been through it, it was hard, and you wonder if you are the only person who has been through such a wonderful thing and yet thinks it is hard, hard, hard some days.

In particular, this quote from her blog struck a chord with me:

"Trust me when I tell you that although we are all having hilarious moments......and precious moments......…we are still in the thick of hard, exhausting work, so if you ask me if these are the happiest days of my life (which a ton of you have), and my eyes kind of glaze over and I say through a tight-lipped smile like a robot, “Yes. Sure. Of course. This is my dream life”…I am lying. I am lying so you won’t feel uncomfortable when I tell you, “Actually, I haven’t had a shower in three days, I lost my temper with my uncontrollable daughter this morning and had to walk outside, I’m constantly cleaning up pee because uncircumcised tee-tee goes sideways onto walls, and sometimes when my two littles are asleep and we’re downstairs with the original three kids who are so stable and healthy and easy, it creates a nostalgia so intense, I think I might perish. But enough about me. How are you?”

But that would be weird. So I say, “Yes. I am so happy.”

For us, people would say, "Oh, wow. What a seamless adjustment he's made, huh? Just like he was here all along!"

From about two weeks after we got home, people basically decided Cooper was doing so well that there was no need at all to check in on us. A majority of people stopped asking how he was doing, and almost no one would ask how we were doing.

When they would ask, I knew they didn't REALLY want to know, so I'd just say, "Yeah, it's been wonderful."

Not exactly a lie, but not the truth either.

And when she says that being with just her older kids would provoke in her a nostalgia so intense she thought she might perish. Well.......we've been there.

Let me clarify.....we have NOT experienced the things that this woman has experienced. No....Cooper's transition has been much less dramatic. However, easy is not a word I'd use.

Neither is "seamless". He still sees the "seam", and that brings our attention to it regularly. Grief and insecurity manifesting themselves in various ways in a family is hard. Hard to deal with. Hard to watch. Hard to be patient with. Hard to process. Just hard- mostly emotionally. The kind of hard that very few people take the time to see.

You tell yourself it will get easier with time, and I think it will. But what I have experienced is that it gets harder before it gets easier. Because somewhere over time, the child becomes YOUR child.

When something hard is happening to a child, it's hard to watch (or read about), and your heart goes out to them.

However, when it is YOUR child, the child you have over a period of months fallen head-over-heels, deeply in love with, your heart positively breaks. Watching your beloved child walk through grief and loss and having the courage to get up and face it new every day takes a vast amount of emotional energy. But, when they don't trust you enough to let you in? When they are grieving so hard you think you might get swallowed by it too? When their insecurity about your love for them and/or their place in the family manifests itself in very, very challenging behaviors? When it breaks your heart that they are insecure about your love for them and you wonder if it will always be that way?

It's not easy.

That is life "after the airport".

I'm so thankful for the refreshing honesty of this woman who had the courage enough to write about it. It made me feel normal.

October Giveaway

2011-10-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

OK, so I think I missed September. That's moving's fault! I'll make up for it in November!

For now, I'm going to giveaway something that you can't get anywhere.....right now.

Just to be clear, I can't get it right now either. But, tomorrow, we ALL can get it.

Tomorrow, Casting Crowns is releasing their new CD, Come to the Well. I don't need to listen to it to know I'll love it. However, over the last few weeks they have made previews of the songs available to listen to on their website, and I was blown away.

First of all, they rerecorded one of my all time favorite songs, Listen to Our Hearts, and are offering it as part of the CD if you preorder on iT*unes. (You can bet I pre-ordered it.....I would have anyway, but that was a sweetener for sure!)

Secondly, there is a song on the CD called So Far to Find You that so perfectly describes what I have learned on this adoption journey- in a way that only another adoptive parent can fully understand. I started crying the first time I heard it. I'd try to describe it to you, but my friend Tara already did a great job in her own post. All I have to say after that is, AMEN!

All of Casting Crowns CDs are excellent. I enjoy the music, but better than that, it encourages and challenges me in my walk with Christ. I can already tell this new CD will be no different. I can hardly wait till tomorrow.

Casting Crowns songs were also very much a part of our adoption story. God used several of their songs- particularly Voice of Truth, Somewhere in the Middle, and The Altar and the Door- to speak to my heart at times in the journey when I was fearful, scared, and in need of a boost for my faith.

Anyway, I'd like to share the joy and encouragement- and Casting Crowns' new CD, Come to the Well! This is going to be a short giveaway entry window- just over 24 hours. If you would like your very OWN copy of Casting Crowns CD, just leave a message here telling me what you just love listening to these days.

Make sure you leave your message before midnight EST tomorrow (Tuesday, October 18th). I'll pick a winner Wednesday morning!

But, me? I've preordered the CD on iTu*nes, so I'll be listening to Come to the Well on my way to the office in the morning! I'm exceedingly thankful that new CDs are released on Tuesdays which also just so happens to be one of only two days a week that I am in the car alone for 20 minutes (40 minutes if you count the drive home)!

It's the little things! :)

The REALLY Big News Around Here

2011-10-13T20:15:00.000-07:00

Noooooo......not that kind of news.

No, the REALLY big news around here is that my kids' two favorite people are getting married!

This is my sister, Jess.

This picture is appropriate because my kids think Aunt Jess is a rock star. First of all, she lives in LA, and did you know the Jonas Brothers sing a song about LA? Well, they do, and that means LA is the place to live. Coolest place on earth as far as my kids are concerned.

Aunt Jess also works for a very special Mouse.

I'd dare anyone to try to beat that.

Oh, wait.....someone does: Ric.

My kids think he's the funniest person they know (much to Scot's chagrin). Sawyer in particular thinks he oozes cool. I mean, he's cool just because, but when you add in that he's been IN an Indiana Jones movie (for like 1.5 seconds, but who is counting? Not Sawyer), well.....that tips the scales.

Then he played a washed-up boy-band member in an episode for the Ni*ckelodeon show Big Ti*me Rush.

Aunt Jess who?

Suddenly Aunt Jess was out-cooled.

Of course, he became one of my favorite people shortly after that when Sawyer went to school and told all his friends that his "Uncle Ric" was on Big Ti*me Rush. They all gave him a hard time and insisted he was making it up. Sawyer came home really upset, and when Ric found out, he sent us this e-mail with some pictures attached:

"I heard Sawyer was having a little trouble with his classmates. Go ahead and print these out for him, and tell him I said to shove these pictures in their faces and yell "burrrrn!". (or maybe you wanna water that down so it's actually a positive message)."

Yep, that's Ric in the purple, and Sawyer was BEAMING the next morning on his way out to school.

Ever the great "uncle".

(Oh, and just recently, as if he needed to seal the deal as coolest guy we know....he won an Em*my. Oh yes he did.)

So, how excited are we all that we can now remove the quotation marks and very soon Ric will officially be Uncle Ric!

We're thrilled for them. They are a great couple and we really, truly love and enjoy them both. They are great to the kids (our kids and our niece), fun to hang out with, and let's face it......when my life consists of washing dishes and soccer mom duties, it's FUN to live vicariously through them! It's fun to see people you love do fun things and be recognized for their hard work. We love to brag about them! They also make it easy! :)

Besides me and the kids thinking this is awesome, Scot is pretty psyched to have another guy in the family (I have two sisters).

The fact that Scot thinks Ric is hysterical and Ric thinks Scot is hysterical is also a bonus! There will be no shortage of laughter with these two around!

So, move over William and Kate.......around here, this is the wedding of the century!

Now, if Chloe can just convince Jess to get married in Cinderella's castle. :)

The News from Here

2011-10-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

It's been BUSY here lately- school starting, packing, moving, unpacking.

News of the new house coming soon. But, first, some other stuff:

When Cooper first came home, you may remember that he really didn't like Chloe. AT ALL. Like, wouldn't acknowledge her. Interact with her. Be kind to her. Nothing. Sawyer? He was a rock star. Chloe? Not so much.

Thankfully, we have seen MUCH improvement on that front. Sawyer is still the rock star in Cooper's mind. But, his relationship with Chloe has grown. I think that maybe their relationship will always be angst filled. Or maybe that will wane over the years. Who knows?

All I know is that they have what seems to be normal sibling issues now. Sure, there are still moments when Chloe is intentionally mean to Cooper, I think often to remind him that she can be. I know she still remembers the hurt she felt by his rejection in the beginning well. I often think now that she tries to kind of make him "pay" for it sometimes.

But, a majority of the time, especially when Sawyer is at school and the other two are home, they play wonderfully together, sing and dance, read books together, and basically enjoy each other. That is WONDERFUL progress, and food for my soul.

Now, this is not an uncommon thing to see:

In the beginning, Chloe's kiss would have been met with a shove and a nasty look. Now, it's well-received and often returned.

They've moved from angst most of the time, to normalcy most of the time! It took a lot of hard work, but I'm thankful to be here!

Oh, and when I ask them to make a silly face for the camera, this is what I get:

I think it is HYSTERICAL that Chloe has a million silly faces, and Cooper has just the one! :) But, the warmth between them in these pictures is NOT posed. It's real, and it was hard earned. I'm thankful for playful moments like these that remind me that time (often paired with hard work) heals so many wounds!

In other news from here, among all the craziness, we've also managed to have some FUN. One of our favorite singers is Josh Wilson. We had the chance to go see him in a concert at a local church here and there were only about 100 people there. It was an awesome night. Copper asked the whole way there (I mean the w.h.o.l.e. way) if he was going to sing "Dear Money". Well, he did, but since Cooper fell asleep after the first song, he missed it.

We did wake him up in time to meet Josh after the concert though! It was great to be able to tell him in person what a blessing his music has been to our family!

The following week, I took the kids to the "Music with a Mission" tour. We were SO excited about this because we have been wanting to see Hawk Nelson in concert for a LONG time, but it just had not worked out. Well.....this was our chance. They were headlining the concert and SuperChick was opening for them.

Or so I thought. Turns out, there were like 8 or 9 bands, and Hawk Nelson was on last. We did get to see SuperChick and we enjoyed them even more than we thought we would. Chloe even got to meet the girls from the band (the SuperChick's themselves) which was extremely exciting for her!

But, Chloe fell asleep about 3 bands from Hawk Nelson coming on (after 9:00pm), and by 9:30pm, Sawyer was asking me if we could please go home so we could sleep.

So, we ended up missing Hawk Nelson after all.

Note to self, read concert info more carefully next time! :)

So, we've been keeping busy. But, we're ready for a little boring and hum-drum around here for a little bit!

Deep Thoughts by Sawyer

2011-10-05T09:56:00.000-07:00

Sawyer to me: "When I grow up, I want to travel all around the world visiting orphanages and taking care of the kids who have no mom or dad. Can I make a life doing that?"

Me: "That would be an extraordinary life."

Sawyer: "No, I mean, can I like, make money doing that?"

Me (bubble burst): "Oh. No.....not so much."

(I did however go on to explain the idea of raising support, so his dream isn't entirely dead. Just on life-support! ;) )

--------------------------------------------------

Recently, the kids and I (mostly Sawyer and Chloe) had what has become a pretty typical conversation in the car. They asked why parents would EVER have to give up their children. Some friends of ours are fostering to adopt, and the question came up about the little girl's parents. I explained some various reasons that make it difficult or impossible for parents around the world to appropriately care for their children: poverty, drug abuse, jail, illness etc..... (we just lay it out there around here).

A few minutes passed, and then Sawyer said, "I wish Cooper was still in China with his birth family."

Me: "Why is that? You don't like having Cooper in our family?"

Sawyer: "No, I like having Cooper in our family. I LOVE it! I just wish he didn't have to lose his birth family in China. It makes me sad that he lost them, and I'm sad that it will make him sad when he realizes it."

Me: "Me too, buddy. Me too."

Crickets and a Question

2011-09-28T10:27:00.000-07:00

I was going to post a picture of crickets, but it turns out that crickets are gross, so I'm not.

But, you'll be hearing crickets around here for a week or so because in a mere 48 hours or so, we are moving. Not far. Just across town, but I'll have plenty to keep me busy. Writing won't rank high on the priority list.

I'll be back soon though, and I will have plenty to say, I'm sure!

For now, I have a question for you adoptive parents:

How do you celebrate "Gotcha Day", or "Family Day", or "Adoption Day" at your house?

Believe it or not, in just over a month, we will be celebrating Cooper's Adoption Day, and I'm looking for idea about how to celebrate it. I have some ideas, but it's our first Adoption Day celebration, so I'd like it to be really special. I'd love to hear what other families do to acknowledge the day as we begin to build our own Adoption Day traditions.

Thanks so much for the help!

The Return of the Weapons

2011-09-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

In 9 days we are moving (only across town to a house that better fits our growing family), and that meant that for the last month or so our house has been void of everything except the necessities to make our house show-able on a dime for potential buyers/renters. Literally the only toys my kids have is one small bucket each. Everything else is in a storage unit awaiting moving day.

To everyone's great relief, we rented the house last week, and we've returned to our former habits (um, NO, I do NOT vacuum every day. I also try to avoid doing dishes when I can).

So, yesterday, Sawyer finally requested one thing:

"Dad, can we go to the storage unit and get the weapons bucket?"

Ah, yes. The weapons bucket.

If you need a weapon, we have all varieties as you can see: swords, shields, lightsabers, dart guns, bows and arrows.....you name it, we have it.

Sawyer has indeed been missing his various options in the weapons department.

But, fear not.

The weapons bucket has returned.

Chloe's First {Written} Word

2011-09-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

Chloe came home from school the other day with this paper that made me crack up laughing. She has never written any word on her own besides the names of all the people in our house. But, when the Kindergarten teacher gave them this worksheet and asked them to write a word to fill in the blank" I am a ___________________", this is what Chloe wrote:

For those of you that don't read kindergarten-ese, that's "SOPR MODL" (super model).

Both impressive AND hysterical.

(Can't you tell from the picture she drew of herself that she's a super model?) :)

The Long-Awaited Day

2011-09-13T16:40:00.001-07:00

Much to Cooper's disappointment, preschool around here starts about 2 weeks after all the other schools. It was a L.O.N.G two weeks for Cooper who was chomping at the bit to be just like his brother and sister and go to school.

Today was the big day.

He was seriously excited, but as you can maybe tell from his fingers, he was also a little nervous.

Nervous about school?

No. Not at all.

He was ALL about going to school.

What he wanted to be absolutely sure of, though, is that we would be there to pick him up. He asked me every day leading up to school, "When you drop me off, then you come back to pick me up." I assured him that just like I ALWAYS pick up Sawyer and Chloe, that I will ALWAYS be there to pick him up.

I didn't shed a tear dropping him off this morning. I was too excited for him. He's been wanting to go back to school ever since he left school in China.

However, when I picked him up, he ran into my arms and immediately squeezed me with what had to be every ounce of strength he had. I mean an intense vice grip on my neck.

That's when I started to cry. Because I realized that squeeze was telling me something he was not able to articulate: somewhere in his little heart he wondered if maybe we weren't going to come back for him.

And, he said, "Mum, I missed you."

Seriously, where are tissues when you need them?

He squeezed me and I squeezed him all the way back to the car. And then a little longer. I assured him that I missed him every moment and that I could not WAIT to come pick him up. He was smiling from ear to ear, because I was there.

Oh, how I love this boy.

Links Worth Your Time

2011-09-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

OK, some really good stuff is out there in blog land right now, so I have to link it up!! :)

First of all, there are only TWO days left for New Day's Surgery Fund drive, and the awesome part is that EVERY DOLLAR you donate will be TRIPLED!!! (Yep, your $10 becomes $30, $25 becomes $75, your $100 becomes $300....you get the picture).

Of course this cause is close to my heart because without donor's to New Day's surgery fund, Cooper would not have had the surgery that saved his life and allowed us the amazing blessing to be his parents. Would you consider donating? Maybe donating in Cooper's name so that other kids can have the chance at life that he has been blessed with? I've been at New Day. I've seen the difference they make. Skipping dinner out once this month to donate $30 will truly help to save a child life. Would you consider being part of that?

If you need further convincing, several parents of New Day kiddos are guest blogging over at Carrie's blog, Signs of Hope. Carrie and her husband served at New Day for a few years, and I had the privilege of meeting her when we were there picking up Cooper. Her heart beats for these orphans....and she longs to see them whole in every way. Now back in the states, she is working to help raise funds for these life-saving surgeries. In fact, in order to give, you just click on the Chip-In button on Carrie's blog to donate online (you'll see it at the top of the side bar of Carrie's blog). If you'd prefer to write a good, old-fashioned paper check, she tells you how to do it here.

I had the privilege of sharing Cooper's story to kick off the last 7 days of the fundraising drive. But every story shared over the last few days has been AMAZING- and none of it would be possible without donors willing to give up dinner out or going to a movie or some other thing to help save a child like Cooper!

He's so worth it.

To see the kids who are currently waiting for life-saving or life-changing surgeries, check out the list of kids New Day has that are waiting for surgery (and the cost associated with those surgeries). Your donation would go directly to helping one of these precious kids.

-------------------------------------------------

Changing gears completely, I read a blog post recently written by Dan, who is the husband of my friend, Rachel. It resonated so deeply with me for several reasons, but mostly because I can SO relate to the cycles that children go through when they are in the process of attaching to their parents, and the tenacity it take for parents to weather those cycles some days. We definitely see cycles of deep grief, withdrawal, and self-protectiveness followed by periods when we feel we see the real Cooper. The Cooper who is beneath all the loss. Like Dan says, we've also seen those cycles move from being cycles of days, to cycles of weeks. And, that's REALLY encouraging. I don't think we are "there" yet (if there is a "there" and assuming we will actually ever get there), but the cycles seem to get longer. And, since we are currently on the mountain and not in the valley, it feels really good right now.

But, like Dan pointed out, "there were frustrating and heartbreaking days, with tears and sometimes a great deal of fear, where commitment over feeling is what ultimately carried the day".

We've so been there. And, we'll surely be there again.

It scared me a little to hear Dan say that the most recent "valley" (as we've come to call them) for their daughter was harder, longer, and more intense than ever before. Because, this last cycle was like that for us, and I feel that there is more of that in store for us in the future.

But, I am so thankful for the raw honesty of his post- because it provides encouragement for those of us who are also walking that road- that we are not alone.

I'm also thankful that we are currently standing on a "mountain top" able to look back at the valleys we've already traversed and the bigger heights we've been able to reach as a result.

Because, once again, he is SO worth it.

And, whether he trusts it completely yet or not, he is deeply, deeply loved.

---------------------------------------------------

Completely changing gears again.....I've told you about the Orange Parent's blog. It's seriously good stuff for the heart of parents. I LoVe it.

But, I just discovered something else about it that's awesome: every month, in the sidebar, they post a podcast that you can listen to. It's short, but free, and it's GOOD stuff. The podcast for September is all about how we can teach our kids forgiveness. Really good stuff.

Today, when the kids were in school, I put Cooper in the tub (like his FAVORITE thing to do), and while he played, I listened to it on my iPod. It was time well spent, and what I can tell you is that the "Orange People" have never wasted my time. If you are trying to raise kids who follow God well, this is a resource you don't want to miss!

You're welcome! :)

Better Late Than Never

2011-09-06T17:51:00.000-07:00

Maybe someday I'll arrive.

You should NOT hold your breath.

SO......who won the August giveaway?

Well, random.org says that #7 won. That would be entry #7, which would be my in-real-life friend, Nancy! :) YAY!

Nancy said...

My favorite book of all time? Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Favorite children's book: The Giving Tree. :)

August 17, 2011 4:42 PM

Oh, I almost feel bad giving her these books, because she's a teacher, and this is the first week of school, and well.....I don't want to ruin the poor kids' educations because I distracted their teacher from her job.

But, oh well.

I'm pretty sure she'll thank me for it anyway. AND, as an added bonus, maybe just maybe she'll come to the theater with me in March to see the movie! So, I think this giveaway really worked out in my favor. None of the rest of you could come to the movies with me! :)

So, Nancy.....should I have the books sent to your house or should I bring them to you at church? ;)

Congrats, Nancy!

First Day!

2011-09-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

Cooper doesn't start for another week, but he had to get his backpack out

and sling it across himself just like his big brother.

All the love? Spontaneous.

Yeah, I got a little choked up.

Where has the time gone?

What I Know for Sure

2011-08-30T00:36:00.000-07:00

OK, when I'm awake from 1:00 -3:00AM, I do weird things.

Today, the weird thing was I went back and read our adoption story. Every word. And I cried. Humbled again by what God has done in us and for us. I am sitting here in the dark amazed again at God's grace and mercy and His amazing plan that has brought Cooper into our lives- for His glory, certainly not ours. People say to us, "What a lucky boy."

No, let's be clear: We are the ones who have been extraordinarily blessed. (Luck had nothing to do with it.)

I wonder if I will ever cease to be amazed and reduced to tears by all that God has done for us.

But, for a long time, I have known something. Realized it really.

I was praying for Cooper when he was born, and when he was abandoned.

I know it for sure.

No doubt.

I've known it for a long time, but then I came across this post, Our Story, Part 3: Something About Mary. (You can find that post and ALL of the rest of our adoption story in the sidebar under "Our Story"if you are interested.)

I wrote it on July 24, 2009- one year before knowing anything about Cooper, and in it there is this paragraph:

"It was during this time- during the late part of 2006 and the early part of 2007 that I started praying. I didn't pray for our child, because I knew somehow that our child wasn't born yet (how I knew that, I don't know, since I still knew NOTHING of the actual adoption process- of agencies, of waiting, of dossiers, of costs). I prayed for a nameless, faceless woman in China. I prayed for her health, her safety and protection, for the child she would be carrying, for her strength and courage through the events that were to come, for her heart to hold up, for her to know God's love somehow through it all. For her to feel my prayers for her. And, I often was kept up in the middle of the night overwhelmed with the need to pray for her. Often, I prayed through lots of tears- for a woman I never knew and never will know, but I know I was praying for my child's mother. And, I believe God put her on my heart because she needed those prayers at that time. I prayed for her night after night for a long, long time. And I felt a connection to her that I can't explain."

Cooper was born on February 1, 2007. He was abandoned 10 days later, so I can only assume that his birth mother (and father?) cared for him for those 10 days.

What I can say for sure, is that I know that I was in my bed, soaked with tears, praying for them by the light of our video baby monitors. I KNOW it.

I know I was praying for him and for his birth mother when he was born. I KNOW it.

I know I was praying for him and for her when he was left in the hospital. I KNOW it.

I knew it then, but later, after accepting Cooper's referral, and when I began to think about it, I realized the timing, and I knew FOR SURE.

That time period was when his birth mother/father made what I KNOW was a heart-wrenching decision, the only one, I firmly believe, that they believed could save his life, God laid them on my heart with such an intensity that I still remember those nights as if they were yesterday.

HOURS of praying for a family in China that I couldn't picture, but that God had so clearly laid on my heart. I knew at the time without a doubt, it was my child's mother I was praying for.

Only when I thought about Cooper's birthdate in relation to those nights of tear-soaked praying did I have complete confirmation that I was indeed praying for Cooper and his birth family.

So, what can I tell Cooper for sure about his birth and that moment 10 days later when his parents said good-bye to him?

I can tell him that while I was not there, that God was. And that in His great mercy He included me in those moments- even while I was all the way across the world.

He allowed me the privilege of being able to pray for him and his family during what may have been for them the most difficult days of their lives, and certainly days that Cooper had the only time he'll ever have with his birthparents, and the days during which he lost everything. The days during which his mother surely felt as though she had lost everything too.

God included me. And even then I knew it.

I'm thankful beyond words for that privilege. And for the fact that those nights were so incredibly powerful for me that even two years later I was impressed by them enough to write it down.

And that even 4 years later I was still thinking about it.

But, tonight, I loved going back and reading what I wrote about those nights BEFORE I had the dates of Cooper's birth and relinquishment.

It only confirmed to me what I already knew FOR SURE.

{Bad} Memories

2011-08-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

My mom just found these pictures in her phone and sent them to me. Tonight, I have a headache, and when I have a headache now, I think of this day:

The day my kids "visited" me in the hospital through a window because I was in isolation (see Scot with the mask on?). Thank goodness you can't see me. I'm sure I looked pretty darn bad. I know for sure I was smiling- even thought I didn't feel like it AT ALL. But it was all I could do to reassure my kids I was fine.

To quote Scot, "Wow, those are some bad memories!"

Thanks to my mom, I have pictures of it! :)

I think I'm kind of glad to have them, although I do find them hard to look at because I remember so well how I felt that day on the other side of the glass not able to touch my kids and scared I was going to die without every being able to hug them and tell them how much I love them.

It reminds me how blessed I am to be here, and how fragile life is. How thankful I am for every. single. day. with my kids.

But, I'm thankful every day that the only "bad" thing left from the meningitis is just these two pictures.

--------------------------------------------

PS- Giveaway winners coming soon!

Change the World for One

2011-08-22T04:48:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago, I told you about Vincent- and his parent's efforts to raise the funds to bring him home right on schedule.

Seriously, look at the personality on this kid!

Well, Vincent's family have been able to make every payment so far, but with more expenses coming up, they are still fundraising. They have become "affiliates" (basically means that when you buy a t-shirt, they get a portion of the purchase back) for Ordinary Hero. The mission of Ordinary Hero is: to inspire and empower ORDINARY people to make an extraordinary difference in the life of a child in need. SO COOL! I love their slogan "Change the World for One". It would be so great if everyone did that- did something to change the world for one child in need.

They have some GREAT t-shirts, and if you make a purchase and choose "Alex and Jill Morris" from the "Affiliates" drop down menu at checkout, they get a portion of the sale of your t-shirt back to help bring Vincent home. I bought three of their "I'm Gonna Change the World" t-shirts for my kids for Christmas. They may not be major reformers someday, but I hope they will set a high priority one changing the world for (at least) one child in need.

I'm not posting this as part of a contest or to get a free t-shirt, or even because Jill asked me to. I'm posting this so that when China says it's time to come pick Vincent up, that his family will have no reason to not jump on the first plane to China.

So, go to the Ordinary Hero Store and do some early Christmas shopping to help bring Vincent home. As an added incentive, Ordinary Hero is giving $500 to the "Affiliate" with the highest number of sales between now and August 28th. Currently, Vincent's family has one order and the current Top Seller has only 4 orders!!! We can help them win that bonus! :) What a huge help that would be!

In this small way, we really can "Change the World for One"- specifically Vincent.

He, like every child, is so worth it.

And, a little video of Vincent for your enjoyment! :)

Vincent and Friends from New Day Foster Home on Vimeo.

Where have I been? August Giveaway

2011-08-16T17:06:00.000-07:00

Oh- lots of places. I have a post all about our summer coming soon. We've been to the beach, amusement park, water park, house hunting, packing, all sorts of stuff. Basically, pretty darn busy.

But, over the past two weeks, I've been spending a LOT of time somewhere else entirely. A place I just discovered.

A place called Panem.

Haven't heard of it?

That's a shame. Really, it is. Unless you want to get something done. Then it's probably good you've never been to Panem. Because it kind of sucks you in.

What the heck am I talking about?

This:

My sister gave me the first book in this series, The Hunger Games, shortly after I arrived home from China.

I only picked it up recently after I saw a couple of friends raving about it on Facebook.I didn't have anything else to read, so I figure I'd start it.

Yeah, right. Start it. That's a joke. I literally read the first chapter, and then had to fight the urge to shut myself in the closet and read it in one sitting. I did NOT fight the urge however, to let my kids watch an INSANE amount of TV in order to finish it. It's ok, I wasn't going to win Mother of the Year anyway.

When I finished Book One, I was literally breathless. Yep, pretty sure I held my breath during the last few pages, and was gasping when I finished it.

That's never happened to me before.

Then I realized it was 11:30 at night, and I didn't have Book Two in my house. That was poor planning on my part- I was DESPERATE to start Book Two, Catching Fire. Thankfully, my sister loves me and she showed up at church the next morning with Books Two and Three (Mockingjay) in her hands.

I used every bit of self control I had not to sit all the three year olds down with a pile of animal crackers during Sunday school so I could start the book. It wasn't easy though.

Books Two and Three were equally as riveting, and I'm pretty sure my family was psyched when I was finished the books and was finally back from Panem, if reluctantly!

The premise of the book is enough to make you ill, really, but as my friend so aptly described it, "it is a train wreck you just can't look away from". It's true. However, the author does a masterful job of creating characters- specifically a main character- you become emotionally invested in very quickly. Literally, I would lie in bed at night feeling like I left the poor girl alone in the woods trying to survive. I felt like I had to keep reading just to get her out of her current situation.

I know how crazy that sounds, but my friends agree- all three books are nearly impossible to put down.

And, once I did put it down, I had to deal with 10 feet of laundry, 5 feet of dishes, and a bare refrigerator. (Did I also mention we ate out like three times in the 10 days it took me to finish all three books.) I basically requested special permission to check out for a few days, and I was graciously granted my request!

So, for my August give-away. I'd like to give you a one-way ticket to Panem. Ask for a week off NOW just in case you win, ok? Trust me, you'll need it!

You'll thank me, really, you will.

You CAN NOT read Book One without having Book Two, Catching Fire, and Book Three, Mockingjay, standing by ready for you to read- lest you end up like me without the next book to start at 11:30pm!!

I like you too much to do that to you.

So, one lucky winner will win the entire Hunger Games Trilogy.

Here is how to enter:

For ONE entry, leave a comment hear telling me about the best book you've read this summer or this year. I'm in the market for a new book to read.
If you'd like a SECOND ENTRY, tell me what is your favorite book you've ever read. Because the next book I read will have to be a good one!
For TWO extra entries, post about this giveaway on your blog to spread the word.
If you've already read, The Hunger Games Trilogy, mention that too in your comment and I will enter you to win one of my other all time favorite books, The Giver (by Lois Lowry) and it's companion book, Gathering Blue. That way, if I pick your name, you get something new to read. If you liked The Hunger Games, you'll love The Giver and Gathering Blue.

You must enter by midnight on Monday, August 22. I will pick a winner one week from today- Tuesday, August 23.

Then you too can enjoy sleepless nights, a fantastically messy house, and totally neglected children all to enjoy a trip to the country of Panem to experience the Hunger Games for yourself!

WINNERS!!!

2011-07-15T09:58:00.000-07:00

OK, so....WOW.

60 entries.

Kelly's got friends!

In May there were 3 people entered......now 60. Apparently there is a market for Kenyan jewelry! :)

So, we wrote out all the names :

Put them in a box:

And, Sawyer drew the first winner:

Winner #1 is..........

Laura Koslowsky said...

Hmmm, hard to pick but I think I would go with the Cadia in Kenya wrap bracelet. I always enjoy reading your updates and especially appreciate your transparency. This is a fun give away!

July 8, 2011 5:57 PM

Then Cooper got to pick winner #2.......

Winner #2 is......

Mary said...

What a touching story! Congratulations on your beautiful son!

I love this Etsy shop!

My favorite item is the Affections in Earth in Kenya Wrap Bracelet: http://www.etsy.com/listing/77139922/earth-in-kenya-wrap-bracelet?ref=v1_other_2

Thank you for the giveaway!

m13hatch at gmail dot com

July 12, 2011 6:46 PM

Congratulations to Laura and Mary!!! :) If you each e-mail me at scjchardy{at}yahoo{dot}com to let me know which piece of jewelry you'd like AND your mailing address, Kelly and I will get those right out to you! :)

And, while I am talking (kinda) about Kenya. Thank you for your prayers for my sister. She arrived home safely from Kenya yesterday. Can't wait to hear all the stories she has to tell!

I'd love to go to Kenya....but Scot recently forbade me from "ever going to Kenya" when he found out it is in the part of the world called the "Meningitis Belt". {Yikes!}

I guess that wound is a little too fresh. Maybe I'll bring it up again in a couple of years! :)

For now, these bracelets are as close to Kenya as I'm going to get! That, and the stories my sister has to tell......

One Year Ago Today and a June/July Giveaway!

2011-07-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, we got an e-mail from Kelly that ended up changing our lives:

Hi Jenna, I've been thinking about you. I got an email from a yahoo group that said a number of New Day's kids are on the shared list right now and still waiting for their families.

One of those kids is Evan.

I went directly to New Day's site to find a picture, and this was the one I printed to show Scot:

I remember it all like it was yesterday:

swapping endless calls with Kelly to help us find "Evan" on the list
no cell reception at my parent's place where we went to swim
trying to find a cardiologist at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon
trying to reach my agency at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon in the summer
finally finding his file, but not locking it because of our fears
getting an e-mail early the next morning to say his file was mysteriously no longer there
headed to the cape the next day for a family reunion after talking to Kelly who assured me his file disappaearing between 8PM on a Friday night in July and 6AM the next morning made no sense
no cell reception at my aunt's house either
walking into the family reunion an immediately being asked by my aunt if we had any word about a new member of the family yet
my heart sinking at the question
Kelly's call (even without reception) to say that his file WAS still there (she had kept looking while we couldn't)
finally calling our agency Monday morning to lock "Evan's" file
just 5 short (LONG) days later, accepting the referral of a beautiful boy named Xin Hailiang, who is now our Cooper
Kelly celebrating with me over the phone in the Walgreen's parking lot

While it all seems like just yesterday, it also seems like a lifetime ago.

I have said this before, but it bears repeating: without Kelly's e-mail, we might have missed Cooper. We are so thankful for Kelly and her willingness to listen to God's promptings to e-mail us- we are so incredibly blessed because of what she did every single day when Cooper laughs, smiles, kisses us, acts goofy, says something silly, and just generally charms our socks off and makes us stand in awe of all that God can do in a year.

And what He can do with one person whose heart is tuned into His voice.

So, to mark this day and especially to honor Kelly, I'm giving away TWO beautiful pieces of jewelry from her newest venture, an Etsy site called The Nest.

The Nest is Kelly's Etsy site that sells beautiful jewelry made by a woman in Kenya (read the amazing story here) and all the proceeds to to The Sparrow Fund, another one of Kelly's projects designed to bless other families in the adoption process by helping with the cost of medical reviews.

So, if you'd like to win one of these beautiful pieces of jewelry, all you have to do is head on over to The Nest, check out the options, and leave a comment here telling me which one you like best. This one is my favorite:

Because I COMPLETELY neglected to give anything away in June, there will be TWO winners this month. Each winner will be able to pick their favorite item from The Nest as their prize! :) The giveaway will end at midnight on Wednesday, July 13th.

Why Wednesday? Well, that's the day last year we said "Yes" to being part of the story God was already writing with "Evan's" life and he became Cooper Hailiang Hardy.

Winners will be announced on Thursday, July 14th! (Ok, I'll be honest, it might be the 15th, because Thursday is a nightmare for me! :) )

This is added fun right now because my sister is IN Kenya.....I'm TOTALLY buying her some of this jewelry for Christmas. I think she'll love it!

So, tomorrow, we head off for another "Cousin's Club" (all my cousins, aunt, uncles on my dad's side) reunion at my Aunt's house on the cape. But, this time, we'll be showing up WITH Cooper.

What a difference one year and one person can make!

Thanks, Kelly! :)

Happy 4th!

2011-07-04T04:53:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day!

From our family to yours!

To Kenya

2011-07-01T05:56:00.000-07:00

No, not me.

Last night, my sister Melissa left for Nairobi, Kenya. She and a team of 22 other people from our church are headed to Nairobi, Kenya where they will be serving the people of the Mathare Valley Village 2 for 12 days.

They will be training teachers, serving in the Mission of Hope School, getting to know the people there, and doing anything they can to encourage those serving there already and the people of the Mathare Valley. At the end of the trip, they will also get to go on Safari! :)

I'm proud of her. It takes a lot of courage to leave your daughter and head off to Africa to serve others. I know she will come back changed forever. I'm excited for her. She's wanted to go to Africa for a long, long time, and this isn't the tourist's version of Africa. She will be allowed to see life as it really is for millions of people who live in slums outside the city- and discover how we can best partner with them to bring them hope in their situation.

I can't wait to hear about all that she sees and experiences when she is there!

If you would like to follow along with the team, you can follow their blog here.

And, if you think of it over the next two weeks, would you pray for Melissa and the team?

Thanks!

{un}flattering

2011-06-29T18:16:00.000-07:00

Lest anyone EVER think I am any great shakes as a mom (not that that rumor was floating around there), here is a little vignette that will allow you to glimpse the ugly reality:

A couple of weeks ago (maybe even three), things here were stressful- potential job change, busy ministry season, end of the year stuff all around us, and just well.....you know, the stuff of life that can make a couple of parents stressed. This time though, I let it make me a grumpy mom. Generally, I employ strategies to make sure that doesn't happen. That particular week, I failed at that miserably for a number of reasons (that hindsight so easily illuminates).

However, one particular night when Scot was out with Sawyer at soccer, I was home with Cooper and Chloe, and Chloe was in RARE form- all her difficult behaviors were on full blast- and by the time she, Cooper and I laid down in my bed to read books at bedtime, I was standing on a very dangerous emotional precipice. About that time, Chloe decided it was time to just go for broke, and she pushed my last button. I had what is to this point my worst mom moment: I screamed at her. I did, and it was awful. My tone, my body language- it was all awful. I didn't say anything hateful (thank God) or do anything awful, but I completely lost my ability to control my tone and manner, and screamed at her. I completely and totally lost it, and the worst part of it all, was that I just allowed myself to do it.

I recently finished reading "One Thousand Blessings". (Apparently, I need to re-read it.) In it Ann Voskamp talks about how God always tells us the right way- He doesn't ever lead us down the path of pain and destruction. However, we so willingly, when presented with a choice (however fleetingly) between right and wrong, just can't see how the "right" choice can actually be right OR we just don't care, and we willfully choose evil.

That was me that night. I was in such a state that I willingly chose evil instead of doing what is right. And the memory of what I must have looked and sounded like to my kids when I was doing it brings me to tears.

I have never, ever in my entire life EVER acted that way toward another person. Any other person. And I chose Chloe.

My heart breaks to even think about it. What is WRONG with me? (*insert laundry list here*)

It was really, really awful.

But, the fallout was WAY worse.

Chloe was crying and upset, but she recovered quickly.

Cooper, however, was crying harder, and he was visibly scared.

SCARED.

I sent Chloe to her room, because she and I both needed time to wind down. I took Cooper to his bed, where I could snuggle him, comfort him, and talk to him. By now, I was crying so hard I could barely talk.

Cooper told me, "You scared me." He cried for 45 minutes- real, heartbreaking tears, and it was very clear, that he wanted to go home (read: China home). He didn't feel safe with me, and I could see in his eyes, that he wanted to go back to his China Mama. He didn't need to tell me, it was so clear.

Who could blame him? Honestly, I was thinking he'd be better off with his China Mama too- I'm sure she never lost it like that.

Thankfully, my awful, willful, out-of-control self only lasted one minute, after which I came to my senses pretty quickly, and I did the right thing (poor consolation, but it was better than willfully choosing the wrong thing again). Through a flood of tears, I told my kids that I had chosen to do something that I knew wasn't right, that I acted mean and nasty and completely unkind and out-of-control and that there was absolutely no excuse for it. I told them it didn't make anyone happy, least of all God. I asked both of them (individually) to forgive me, and I prayed with them and let them hear me ask God to forgive me.

Again, Chloe recovered quickly (I also spent a good amount of time with her in her room alone snuggling and such). She knows that's out of character for me. She trusts me, because I've shown myself trustworthy to her. She and I have history. And, thank God....it's mostly positive history.

But, Cooper? I could see he wasn't just scared, in general. He was scared of me.

The consequences of sin are painful, and never so much as when it effects someone you love- especially your kids. And, especially when it's YOUR sin that caused it.

I spent a LONG time reassuring Cooper that night- all the way until he was asleep, and in the days and weeks since then as well- both verbally and non-verbally. With God's help, I have become a better version of myself since then.

However, tonight, Cooper reminded me that if the last 7 months have been 3 steps forward, then that one minute of lost control was 20 steps back:

Cooper to me tonight at bed: "I love Daddy, and Sawyer, and Chloe, but not you."

Me: "Oh, that's too bad, because I love you SO much!"

Cooper: "I jus love my China Mama, but not you."

Me: "Well, I love, love, love you. Why don't you love me?"

Cooper: "You yelled at Chloe, and that made me feel sad."

Me: *stomach in feet, so incredibly ashamed* "I know. I did do that, and Mommy is so, so sorry for that. Thank you for forgiving me when I asked you. I'm glad God forgave me too. I've been trying to be a better Mommy and asking God to help me. Am I doing a good job?"

Cooper: "Yep, but I call my China Mama and tell her you yelled and scared me."

I don't even remember what I said to that. I was trying not to dissolve into tears.

One horrible moment of indulging my anger and frustration, and oh, the consequences. But, I have learned a few lessons the hard way. And, I'm starting back before square one with a sweet, sweet, wonderful little boy who might have started trusting me, but isn't so sure anymore. He's been much preferring Scot these days- or anyone besides me. I know it will come back, but it's going to be harder work now.

Why did I share this? Who knows? I felt compelled to tonight. At least to write it. But, then i wondered why, if I wrote it, would I not post it?

Self-protection. What would people think?

A friend of mine is always talking about "glittering images", and I have realized that I like to shine and bedazzle mine more than I'd like to admit. However, lately, I'm just downright sick of my glittery-self, and I'm ready to just smash the stupid image in favor of being more transparent, authentic, and just doing the hard work of facing the facts about myself and, with God's help, allowing each day to be filled with more of Him and less of me.

For everyone's sake.

You know, after I had Sawyer, my college room mate and great friend, sent me an article that basically said that there is nothing like new-motherhood to "beat the selfish stuffing right out of you" and bring you to the end of yourself. I found it to ring true at the time.

However, if having a newborn beats the selfish stuffing right out of you, then adopting a preschooler, beats it out of you, spreads it out across the lawn for all to see, leaves you standing in awe of how much selfish stuffing could actually have been left after the first two kids and plenty other life-experience, and scrambling to collect it all and shove it back in in an attempt to just get through your day and possibly try to remember who you were before all the stuffing came out.

If the article rang true 8 years ago, it rings horribly true now, and to think that I still have a ridiculous amount of selfish stuffing to go is, well.........it's unflattering at best.

I feel like I need a t-shirt that says, "Please be patient with me. I'm under construction."

Phew! Catching Up.

2011-06-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

So......I always forget how busy May and June get. I just couldn't keep up this year. So, to recap a bit:

My baby boy turned 8. How did that happen? I don't know, but I mean to make sure he stays 8 forever. No more growing up!

On the VERY SAME DAY, Chloe graduated from preschool. Seriously, that's just not fair. I was twice reminded that day that they are growing up too fast.

What's with the weird Clifford hat and the black sticker on the nose? Their class was called the "Cliff-fours", but yeah....I was annoyed at not being able to get a nice picture of Chloe without a black nose during the program. Oh well.

I did, however, snap a great picture of Chloe and Scot. She's got him wrapped around her little finger alright (she also happens to know how to push every button she's got, but that's another post for another day)!

But, really.....when you see the two of them together, don't they look alike?

There has also been a lot of soccer going on around here. I've officially become a "Soccer Mom". I'm loving it!

Sawyer actually PLAYS soccer. Chloe, however, likes to get to know all the players on the field really well (during the game) and cheer for everyone and everything (during the game) while remaining as far from the ball as humanly possible. She also likes to make faces (during the game).

Cooper likes to lay down in the middle of the field (during the game) and suck his thumb. Oh yeah...my kids are the stars of the purple team.

We've also had some fun with the cardiologist. All good reports, so YAY for that.

Then, we went and did something CRAZY. We got a kitten.

Actually, Scot's sister got him for Sawyer for his birthday (with our permission). Sawyer LOVES animals, and has wanted a pet for a LONG time. However, Cooper and Chloe (especially Chloe) are mortally terrified of cats. We thought kittens would be different, and that owning one would eventually help.

Let's just say it's been a L.O.N.G, stressful month, and we might be close to almost better. I mean, Chloe will now walk across the living room without screaming. That's progress. And, just today, she picked up the cat and played on the floor with it without me near her. That's BIG progress.

You'd think we got a dragon, and not a kitten.

So, it's been busy here. I'm looking forward to school ending (1.5 more days here....ugh) and to having less obligations, and more free time to kick back, relax, and smell the roses!

P.S.- June Giveaway coming soon...

Children of God

2011-06-11T05:04:00.000-07:00

Have you seen Third Day's music video for their (awesome) song Children of God yet? If not, grab some tissues and press play below. I don't like this, I LOVE it!!!

Wordless Wednesday {Soccer}

2011-06-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

Bright Ocean- Part 2

2011-05-24T18:15:00.000-07:00

Back in August, before Cooper came home, I wrote about the significance of the ocean for me in the journey to Cooper, and how I just could not WAIT to take him to the ocean for the first time.

Recently, we had that chance.

My parents were celebrating their 40th anniversary, and they wanted to celebrate out by the ocean. So, on a cool-ish spring day, we took Cooper to the ocean for the first time.

And he LOVED it.

He just couldn't get enough of it.

Even though the water was freezing, and his feet get ice-cold even without the help of frigid ocean water, he HAD to be in the water. For a boy who gets cold beyond easily, he sure didn't seem to mind the water.

The boy was SOAKED.....and he loved every second of it.

Splashing in the ocean with your brother. What is better than that?

How about that PLUS Grandma, Grandpa, your cousin (and your aunt, who took the picture), your brother and your sister?

How about enjoying your first glimpse of the bright ocean with your forever family that prayed for you while waiting for the day they could fly across the ocean to bring you home?

There are precious few days that feel truly sacred.

This was one for us.

May Winners, and an Odd Celebration

2011-05-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

Today Marks 6 months home for Cooper. A whole post is certainly deserving here, but we celebrated with ......er.....a little, routine (for babies) outpatient surgery of a, well, sensitive nature....if you catch my drift. Bad timing making for an odd "celebration" here. But, leaving not time for anything else.....pretty much the marker of this week for me.

So......yes, I totally forgot to pick winners for the giveaway on the day I promised. I've been riddled with guilt all week.

Without further ado, I let Mr. Cooper pick winners while he was recooperating (misspelling intentional) on the couch! :)

And the Grand Prize Winner is..........Sara over at Football and Fried Rice!!

Football and Fried Rice said...

I can't believe as much as i love music too that I have never been here! I have TOTALLY got Mya hooked on Hillsong Kids and every time we get in the car she begs to listen to "her" music! It's adorable to hear her belting out worship music :) and then, we have all the Ghosts of VBS' past - those are always fun too!

MAY 6, 2011 4:20 AM

Sara, I laughed out loud when he picked you. Pretty sure he just wants to butter you up in case you end up his future mother-in-law! ;) I'll e-mail you your log-in info for Amber Sky Records! EN-JOY!!!

Everyone else, head over and visit Sara so you can follow along on their journey to bring home their second daughter from China, Ruby!

Since there were only 3 of you who entered this month, EVERYONE is a winner! Rachel, you were the second name Cooper picked, so I'll send you the New Day calendar ASAP!

Kay, if you e-mail me at scjchardy{at}yahoo{dot}com with your address, I'll send your "Pray for China" magnet out to you ASAP as well! :)

Now, I must go back to playing nurse! Thank God for Cars the movie or I'd be in TROUBLE! :)

A Reminder, and a Request

2011-05-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

I logged in to blogger to remind you all that the May Giveaway is going on, and while it is still simple, it might be the best yet- really. Check it out if you haven't already.

However, when I logged on, I scrolled through to see new posts from blogs I follow, and I saw Stefanie's newest post over at Ni Hao Ya'll. Head over there and read her post, and then pray for Stefanie and her family as they process through the loss of the daughter they longed to bring home. I can't imagine.

Vincent

2011-05-09T10:56:00.000-07:00

This is Vincent.

I've been meaning to post about Vincent since we got home from China, but then I got sick, and well......I was delayed.

I met Vincent at New Day when we were in China. He was one of Cooper's preschool classmates, and he and I became buddies in the short time we had to get to know each other.

I was sitting on the floor playing trains with Cooper (who, you know, I had only met 10 minutes prior to this), and Vincent came over, hopped into my lap, and made himself at home there. Really. He did not want to get up. At. All. Even when asked. He had claimed me as his territory, and he was not going to give up his territory.

Poor kid. He wasn't feeling well. Even not knowing him in "real life" at all (I "knew" him from the New Day blog and their website), I could just tell he was not himself that day. He clearly had a bad cold that was making him feel just plain lousy, and he just wanted someone to sit with him and snuggle him. To make him feel better and allow him to not have to "tough it out" on his own. Of course, he didn't say any of that to me, but he didn't have to.

My heart broke.

He wanted his very own mama to hold him until he felt better.

All I could do was hold him for a short time, and I longed for him to have his very own mama in a way that overwhelmed me. I prayed daily for him in China and once we were home. I left China burdened to see Vincent matched, and I begged God to move on Vincent's behalf.

Fast forward to January when we dedicated Cooper and Jess and Anneli came to visit. We talked about all the kids we each were personally burdened for and I mentioned Vincent. And, that's when Jess told me that, although no one had been told yet, Vincent HAD been matched!

I was overjoyed, and since then (thanks to Jess), I have been able to connect with Vincent's mama via Facebook and get to know her a little bit. But, one thing made me like her immediately: She was Vincent's MOM! :) What a blessed, blessed woman!

Here's the thing: they need help to bring Vincent home. Adoption is expensive, and they do not have all the funds they need at their immediate disposal.

But, Vincent is WORTH IT. So, SO worth it.

The great news is, they have been accepted to participate in the Shirts of Hope program through Show Hope to help raise money to bring Vincent home. You can visit Vincent's family's website for all the details about how to order a Show Hope t-shirt that benefit's Vincent's family (scroll to the last paragraph of that post for the details). Approximately 50% of the money from the sale of these t-shirts goes to help bring Vincent home! They need at least 24 shirts to place their 1st order and they are hoping to have that order in by May 30th- let's help them meet that goal!

I know. Cash is tight and there are LOTS of good causes you COULD give to.

But, what I'm saying is I met a little four year old boy in China who broke my heart when I realized how much he needed a mama to love him and care for him. Vincent living in an institution (as WONDERFUL as New Day is) is simply NOT ok with me.

And, it just so happens there is something I- WE- can to to help make it possible for him to have a family ASAP (plus get a cool t-shirt!). Vincent's family cannot travel until they have the funds to complete his adoption, so let's help them remove the financial barrier so that they can get to China to pick up Vincent as soon as China grants them travel approval!

Please consider buying a Show Hope T-shirt to benefit Vincent's family (directions on how to do that can be found in the last paragraph of this post) and also spreading the word by telling people about Vincent and his family!

Vincent has waited long enough.

That's Vincent in the middle- clearly feeling better these days! :)

May Giveaway!

2011-05-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

I *LoVe* music.

Have I mentioned that before?

I love music of almost all kinds, but I particularly love music that builds my faith and encourages me in my walk with God, and kid's music in general.

Not the lame kid's music. That kind of kids-singing-cheesy-versions-of-already-cheesy-songs stuff is well, lame. I'm talking about hip, fun, creative kids music that doesn't make me want to puncture my ear drums or drive off a bridge while running a simple errand.

BUT....when you combine that variety of kids music with music that also encourages me AND my kids to grow in faith and turn our drive times into faith-building worship times, then in my opinion, it's the best kind of music there is.

And, as you may know, that kind of music is hard to find. I know of some good places to find it, but by FAR the best place to find faith-building, worship minded music for kids of ALL ages is at Amber Sky Records.

There is lots to love about their music. To name a few of the things that I love about the music at Amber Sky Records:

They don't water down their message to make the music good. Strong message, great (and hip) music. Period.
They don't treat preschoolers like kids who don't have ears. Their preschool music is AWESOME- as good as the stuff for elementary-aged kids for sure! In fact, I think it is the best Christian music for preschoolers there is. Can you actually beat a song with lyrics like, "Yabba dabba, cock-a-doodle doo, I know Jesus loves you?" No, you can't. Add the motions, and it's irresistible.
Did I mention it works like iTunes? You download the music you like right from their website?
Did I also mention that you get a sheet with the lyrics on with your download, and with much of the PreK music, you also get a PDF with the hand-motions as well. Double cool.
Style-wise, they cover the full range. I especially appreciate this because when you have a 7 year old, he wants to listen to stuff that sounds "cool". This does.
They have lots of songs that tell Bible stories. I love this! :)
They also have songs that are just straight up fun!

I could go on and on. Really, it's THAT good. Go see for yourself. You can listen to clips of the songs right there on their website. Definitely check out the Preschool CD One Big Gulp and/or the perfect-for-all-my-kids CDs Chase the Light or Jump (where you will find the updated version of Big House)!

And, because you are my friends, I wanted to share the love, or the music, as it were.

So, this month, I am giving away an Amber Sky Records account, that will be pre-paid for you to download 10 songs of your choice.

To enter:

For one entry, comment here, let me know you visited the Amber Sky Site, and tell me one song you listened to. Just for checking out the site (which I SWEAR I have no vested interest in), you get an entry!
If you are impressed enough to want a second chance to win, grab the blog button at the top of my sidebar, and post it on your blog sidebar to let others know about this giveaway! Let me know in your comment that you did that!
If you want to go crazy....I'll give you two entries for posting about this giveaway and Amber Sky Record on your own blog! Include the link to your post in your comment, and I'll set you up with two extra entries.
All comments must be received before Midnight on May 16th! I'll draw a winner on May 17th, and the winner will have access to their new Amber Sky Records account that same day! :) WOO HOO!

That's it. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy (as Chloe would say)!!

I REALLY believe in the music they put out at Amber Sky and the power it has to help us disciple our kids while simply having FUN with them!!! I am really excited to share that with you!

I truly believe that this music will be a blessing to you as you try to build faith into the lives of your kids in creative ways that capture their desire to worship God and learn more about Him!

As a little sweetner......I also have second and third prizes this month.

Because I like you all so much.

Second place winner gets a "New Day Foster Home" calendar, complete with Mr. May in it! :)

Third place winner gets a "Pray for China" magnet I bought at New Day made by New Day.

So, enter away. I'm itching for you all to win something! :)

Mr. May 2011

2011-04-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

Today, I turned my calendar in my office to May. I know, it's a little early, but next time I go to the office, it will be May, so I was planning ahead (round of applause for me).

And there he was, Mr. May 2011:

I almost didn't recognize him.

He's changed so much.

Adopting a Boy

2011-04-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

Six short months ago Cooper's picture could have been included in this video. His file sat for SIX MONTHS on the shared list before we found it. Our social worker told us at the time that we "didn't need to worry about locking his file quickly- we could take all the time we needed to review it, it wasn't going anywhere. Very few people want a boy."

On another occasion, I was told that there were 42 families from our agency waiting for a match from the shared list. Only THREE were open to adopting a boy. We were the only family who had said we had no preference. The other two families said they'd prefer a girl, but would consider a boy.

Breaks my heart.....OH what we would be missing if we had only been open to a girl.

Play-Doh Revelations

2011-04-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

Today, Cooper was playing play-doh at the kitchen table while I was washing dishes. He was chatting away to me as he did. He told me he was going to make a face with two eyes, a nose, and a mouth.

"I make him sad face."

Something in me knew exactly where this was going, so I dried my hands and sat down at the table.

"Why is he sad?" I asked.

"He sad 'cuz mama went to grocery store and he not find her. His mama all lost."

Ok, think fast. Pray quick. What to say?

"Oh, and that makes him feel sad?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, that is sad."

He continued to play play-doh and I continued to say a few things....honestly, I can't even remember what now because I was on auto-pilot. In the end, the shape of the plate he was using to make the face sort of "forced" the face into a smile. I didn't notice this and neither did he till it was done.

"Oh, he happy face."

"Oh, yeah. He does have a happy face. Why do you think he is happy?"

"He happy 'cuz his mama find him."

This is the face of 4 year old grief....and we're starting to see it and hear it now more and more. It's a good sign (he trusts us) and, yet, it's so hard to watch.

It doesn't wait for you to have "all the right answers". It humbles you pretty quick.

To be totally honest, I felt like I blew it today (although, while I can't really remember what I said, I do remember that he never elaborated much on his story no matter what questions I asked). I'm not beating myself up though, because I know this is the tip of a deep, huge iceburg, and I'll have many more opportunities to respond "better". But, I did sympathize, let him talk, and tried not to put words in his mouth. I figure that's a good start.

We're all new to this- all of us- and I'm sure we'll figure out our way.

Any advice on how to handle stuff like this when it comes up from those of you who have been there, done that?

Bucket List

2011-04-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

Recently, the topic of "Bucket Lists" came up over dinner, and we explained to our kids what a "Bucket List" is.

Previously, Scot and I had decided that we want to be the ones to take each of our kids to a top location on their "Bucket Lists" before they graduate from college. So, we explained that to our kids. Ideally, we want the entire family to be able to experience one location on each family member's "Bucket List". We don't know how or when (or really even IF) this will be possible (and we explained that to the kids too), but it's one of those things as parents we'd like to be able to do.

We explained to the kids that I have already been able to experience my "Bucket List" trip: standing on the Great Wall of China with my family (well, the whole family at the time....).

Scot said he's already experienced his: Hawaii. But, since he was only there with me, we're still in discussions about whether that counts or not. His new "Bucket List" place is England (and he clarified that Epcot does not count!).

Chloe has stood firm on hers: The Eiffel Tower. She's asked since she was 3 to go, and we're actually thinking about making that happen sooner than later because our sister and brother-in-law are currently living in Germany- a short train ride from Paris. Seems like a good opportunity- and heck, might as well take another trip on our kids' passports before they expire!

Sawyer is still thinking. He wants to make a good choice. Right now, he's thinking "Hollywood". We've told him he's got PLENTY of time to decide! But, the famous Aunt Jess lives in LA, so that is an easy trip too....even if it doesn't seem quite "Bucket List" material to me! Hey- it was on the tippity top of my "Bucket List" as a kid up through my teens when I actually got to go there (and was a little disappointed about how un-glamorous it actually is).

We're going to let Cooper get some command over the English language before he can truly decide (and we can truly know that he knows what the heck we're talking about). But, right now, he says, "Disney".

Scot pointed out that we could hit Disney and Hollywood in one trip (cha-ching!). I'm thinking that maybe we need to give the two boys a little more time to shoot for the stars a bit with their choices!

It's been fun thinking about and dreaming about and talking about as a family.

Just a little peek into what our family talks about at the dinner table! :)

A REAL Giveaway- for the Best Cause EVER

2011-04-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this giveaway will make my silly, simple giveaways seem very, VERY lame, but have you checked out the giveaway that Stefanie is hosting to help bring her daughters, Poppy and Esther home from China? Well, you really should. She's giving away REAL prizes. HUGE prizes.

And, for every donation of $35 or more, you get a one-of-a-kind t-shirt.

I was all over that, but to know that I can help bring two little girls home from China where they will be SO LOVED- that's priceless!

Click on over and check it out.

And the winner is.......

2011-04-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, this giveaway stuff is FUN- especially because it's not like I have 1000 people reading my blog. There are a few of you, and I've been able to get to know so many of you through your blogs too. (I'll be better about blog reading again soon....haven't had much time for that in awhile!)

I promise one of these days I will video tape my kids pulling the winning name out for "proof", but the batteries in the video camera were dead tonight. So, again, you're just going to have to trust me!

Anyway, this month's winner is Rebecca! WOO HOO!

La Dolce Vita: The Sweet Life said...

Rilke is one of my favorite poets.

Pick me, pick me. Wait, did I already say that? :)

April 1, 2011 1:36 PM

If you don't read Rebecca's blog you should. I find it so incredibly fitting that she would win this giveaway, because I feel like she has a poet's voice in her writing. I find her blog very honest and inspiring, and she often quotes some very beautiful poetry there! So, Rebecca......I'm thrilled you'll have a new book of artwork and poetry to share with your kids!

Before we traveled to adopt Cooper, Rebecca and I corresponded via e-mail a bit, and she shared with me some of what she experienced just a few short months before when she was in China to pick up her daughter, Claire. Some of what she shared with me, she also posted on her blog in a beautifully written, amazingly honest post about how she felt on "Gotcha Day. Her words to me in those e-mails were some of what I held onto during the days when we were at New Day and I had the very same experience. God used her honesty and transparency in those e-mails to encourage my own heart and calm my intense fears in some of the scariest moments of my life. Just knowing someone else had felt the EXACT same way as I was feel ing at the time helped me realize that a) it was normal and that b) it would pass. Without the words from her e-mail still ringing in my ears, I might have actually experienced full-fledged panic. God used Rebecca's words to speak to my heart and let me know it would all be ok!

So, to say I'm happy you won, Rebecca, would be an understatement. I promise it was truly by "chance", but I know God knew I'd be especially thrilled to send YOU this book!

Have I mentioned I am LOVIN' this giveaway stuff?

Maybe the Best Blog Post I've Ever Read

2011-04-06T01:07:00.000-07:00

So, last week I said I'd share my favorite, and most convicting, blog post I've read over at Orange Parents. (Bookmark that blog....I'm telling you you WILL NOT regret it!)

It's titled Family Voice, and I dare you to read it and not walk away totally convicted.

I also dare you to just TRY not to be reminded of it ten times a day for the next 6 months (and beyond) every time you fail miserably in the "Family Voice" department.

I double dare you to share the link with your spouse, and talk about it. Then, I triple dog dare you to remind each other about it ten times a day when you each fail miserably at it.

Can you see we've had some experience with the "Family Voice" in this house?

However, there has been some improvement here (we have a long way to go.....correcting this is anything but easy). While we have NOT arrived, this little blog post convicted both Scot and I so much so that the words "Family Voice" are uttered in our house on a regular basis- generally as a reminder to one or the other of us (or the kids).

It's one of those things that we go back and read, and also one of those things that I know we'll be talking about for years to come.

It's is a very short blog post containing a dangerous amount of Truth.

Read only if you are prepared to be convicted.

Read only if you are prepared to make a difficult, wonderful change in the way you communicate with your family.

Read with an ice pack in hand because you are going to get hit right between the eyes. I dare say there will be no exception on this.

You've been warned.

Serious Adorableness

2011-04-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

Gosh, could this kid be any cuter?!?!?!

I just uploaded a bunch of pictures, and I couldn't help sharing the adorableness.

This is what happens when you leave Cooper and Scot alone in a room with self-stick letters.

Yes, I might as well have 4 children! :)

Cooper has now enjoyed his very first make-your-own-taco night. As you can see in the picture below, he doesn't quite get it. But, on the up-side, he's eating(almost) the same dinner as the rest of the family. It's taken us 4 months to get to this point, so this was picture-worthy material!

As I've mentioned, my sister works for "The Mouse" (yes, THAT Mouse), and Cooper just so happens to LOVE, LOVE, L.O.V.E. that Mouse. So, when Aunt Jess sent a Mickey raincoat to him, it got the best reaction of any present I have ever given to any of my kids ever. I was SO sad I didn't think to video tape him opening it. He yelled, "YES! Oh, YES!" and just kept yelling and dancing and hugging his raincoat. He was very, very excited about it- it was AWESOME!

On Sunday mornings, I'm up and out the door early to get to church to set up and such. Scot follows with the kids later. This past Sunday Cooper showed up dressed like this. Yes, I totally melted when I saw him! If my sister working for The Mouse didn't disqualify us from entering, I think Cooper could give the other Gap Kids a run for their money in the next "Find the Next Gap Kid" photo contest, what do you think?

Actually, Scot sent Cooper to church like this:

(Aunt Jess also bought Cooper this hat. She's the best, and yes, my kids think she's all that.)

Some days, I just can't stop staring at him.
The beauty, the strength, the mystery, the joy.

We are so very, very blessed to have him in our family.

PS- if you have not entered the Giveaway for April, check it out here and enter away! :)

April Giveaway!

2011-04-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

Look at me- posting the Giveaway on the very first day of April.

You don't have to be impressed. I'm impressed enough for both of us.

In actuality, it's because I'm not showered and still in my PJs, because what everyone else considers a cruel April Fool's joke (6 inches of snow this morning!), I count as a gift. I LOVE snow days. Sure, my kids will be in school in July. Yes, I'll hate it then, but today, I loved it! We all hung out in our PJs, I cleaned the house a bit, then we snuggled up to watch a movie. That's the kind of day I need to recharge.

Anyway....I've been looking forward to this month, because it's National Poetry Month. I'm not a major reader of poetry, but I do have a huge selection of it we pull out in April (again, I love me a good theme). So, in April, we read a lot of poetry around here.

And, when reading poetry to/with your kids, there is NO better book than The Bill Martin Jr. Big Book of Poetry.

Doesn't the cover just make you want to buy it? Well, one of you won't have to! Yay!

Bill Martin Jr. is a much-love children's book author (Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? and that family of books), and in celebration of his life and work, this collection of poetry was compiled with some of the best poetry for children illustrated by the best children's book illustrators in the business. The result is a beautiful book that we all get excited about pulling off the shelf every April. We read several poems at bedtime each night, and every single night, the kids BEG for "just one more". (I oblige with two or three more because I can't stop either!)

This is one book that every parent should own, in my opinion! The artistry is gorgeous. The poems are simple, yet beautiful, and no one will leave disappointed!

So, in celebration of National Poetry month, I am giving away one copy of this book!

To enter is simple:

For one entry, become a "Follower" of my blog (see sidebar) and leave a comment letting me know that you are officially joining the fun (or lack of it) around here. If you are already a "Follower, just leave a comment letting me know that too! :)
For another entry, simply include in your comment the name of your favorite poet, poem, or book of poetry, of course.

All comments for entries must be made before midnight on Wednesday, April 6. I will pick a winner on Thursday, April 7 and send your book out right away so that you too can enjoy the book all month long!!

Timely Encouragement

2011-03-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

Orange Parents is my favorite parenting blog. I mean, it's the only one I actually read, but it's really my favorite! :) I've read others before, but this is the only one I read regularly. It's the only one worth my time.

I'm not exactly sure why I keep reading this blog, because once a week I get hit right between the eyes with a healthy dose of conviction. That's never comfortable, but I like to think I make some changes as a result that make me a better, more Christ-like parent.

Today was one of those days.

Head on over there and read the post titled, A Story Worth Telling.

Ouch. Yeah....after my last two posts, this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear.

Since the beginning of this adoption, I have known God was the author of this great story he's telling through our family and Cooper's life. And yet, I don't want conflict? Struggle? Difficulty? Really?

Can't have a great story without conflict. Without the conflict, there is no story worth telling.

So true. Easy didn't define Moses's life. It's why we love the story. (Him, and about 100 other Biblical "Super Heroes" who also don't know the meaning of "easy".)

Our story didn't end when Cooper came home- and maybe that's what I anticipated without even realizing it. But, no, the story continues, conflict and all. And, for it to be a story worth telling, we must engage the conflict, and with God's help, come out victorious.

Then we have a story worth telling.

Anyway, this post is a must-read for parents, I think!

There are a few more must-reads over there, I'll link to my absolute favorite (read: I'm still sporting the bruise from being hit between the eyes on that one) later this week!

Tough Stuff- Part 2

2011-03-26T16:49:00.000-07:00

Part of me feels bad even calling any of this "tough".

I've read enough to know that we have had an almost too-good-to-hope-for transition. I wouldn't have been bold enough to ask God for it to be THIS smooth- really.

However, that doesn't mean it is all easy and that there isn't still tough stuff. Tough for US in our situation. Tough, not impossible. Tough, not horrible. Just tough.

First, some updates: Chloe and Cooper have found their way. It turns out that having Sawyer in school every day had made it a sink-or-swim situation, and they have decided to swim. Sure, now they enjoy a typical sibling relationship- he gets on her nerves, and she on his. BUT......they will play with each other. These days, when I'm downstairs folding laundry I tear up just listening to them upstairs playing this, that or the other thing in Chloe's room together.

Now when Chloe hugs Cooper he accepts it and returns it. And, when I drop him off at my parents' house on the days I go to the office, Cooper asks Chloe for a "big hug and a big kiss". That, my friends is P-R-O-G-R-E-S-S.

A momentous day- February 7: Cooper allows Chloe to a) sit with him and b) put her arm around him while watching TV. This was so highly unusual at that time, I ran for my camera.

It was a hard-fought relationship. Sure, it didn't take too long, but I remember how hard it was, and I'm glad it's over. So is Chloe.

Another great improvement, Sawyer has started playing with Chloe again. It was GREAT to see the first time, and when he did it, I made Scot take Cooper out on an errand so that it would last a little longer. Now, it's more normal. Today, driving home from school Sawyer said to Chloe, "Chloe, when we get home, do you want to play with me?"

They didn't see it, but I got all teary. I missed watching their close relationship, and I had worried that it was gone. That we had ruined it.

Any feelings I had before about longing for the days when it was just the four of us are LONG gone. It would no longer seem normal to not have Cooper here- our lives would be so much less rich, less deep, less joyful. The "new slippers" are fitting just fine thankyouverymuch, and we can't figure out how we wore those old ones for so long. :)

Still though, we have not hit EASY.

Cooper and Chloe's newfound relationship is still a work-in-progress. What it is now is constant competition. This, I know, is completely normal and has to do with 2 things:

• Chloe has been dethroned and in feeling anxious about her place in the family

• Cooper is all new to us and feeling anxious about his place in the family

If Cooper is sitting with daddy, suddenly Chloe wants to sit with daddy. And visa versa. Whatever Chloe gets/is doing, Cooper wants to get/do too- even if he doesn't like it (like being given a cheese stick).

If Chloe speaks to me or to Scot, Cooper will generally stand right next to her and repeat her word for word. So much so that sometimes, I can't even hear Chloe. It's like he doesn't want her to even talk to me. He also just repeats her all the time whenever she says anything. SO much so that his new phrase is "STOP 'PEATIN' ME!". He says it not when any one is repeating him (because no one does), but whenever he is angry or frustrated (because Chloe is always saying that to him). I know the constant repeating is his way of learning language, but it's not easy for Chloe. And when he talks over her when she's talking to me, it's stressful- for all of us. It's when I'm most tempted to snap at him ("Cooper, STOP!")

Cooper is displaying what seems to be anxious attachment preschool-style. He is looking for constant reinforcement constantly of his place in the family all the time.

Did I mention it's constant? All the time? Constantly?

We know why he's doing it, and we do our best to meet him right where he is at, but ohmygoodness, it ain't easy. It's constant. Have I mentioned that? (Is it getting annoying? Because I have not even scratched the surface of the relentlessness of it.) :)

If he doesn't need reinforcement of his place in the family, he needs constant reinforcement of what's happening around him.

One the way to school every morning we used to (before Cooper came home) listen to the music in the car and sing all the way to school. Now the ride to school goes something like this:

*Mom turns on music*

Cooper: "Mom! Mom!"

Me: "What Cooper?"

Cooper: "You drop Sawyer [off]. You drop Cooper. You drop Chloe. Mama goes to work."

Me: "Yep, we're dropping Sawyer off at school, Cooper off at Grandma and Grandpa's, and Chloe off at school. Then Mama will go to work and I'll come back to pick Cooper up later."

Cooper: "Oh, ok!"

*mama turns music back on*

30 seconds later:

Cooper: "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Me: "What Cooper?"

Cooper: "You drop Sawyer [off]. You drop Cooper. You drop Chloe. Mama goes to work."

Me: "Yep, we're dropping Sawyer off at school, Cooper off at Grandma and Grandpa's, and Chloe off at school. Then Mama will go to work and I'll come back to pick Cooper up later."

Cooper: "Oh, ok!"

*mama turns music back on*

30 seconds later:

Cooper: "Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Over, and over, and (Lord, help me!) over again......and again, and again.

We live the movie Groundhog Day every morning on the way to take the kids to school or to drive anywhere at all! :)

Yes. I totally get why he's doing it. (No need to leave comments explaining why Cooper needs constant reassurance- I TOTALLY know why.)

Yes. I am patient and calm and answer him 100,000 times in a 10 minute span.

Yes. It could be SO much worse. I know.

And, yes, (thank you, nice lady I talked to the other day), I have said to him, "Cooper, you can tell mama one more time, and then we are going to listen to the music." Yes, I've tried that. He doesn't care if I give him permission to ask one more time- he's gonna ask anyway. (But since I didn't think it was very Christ-like to yell at the nice, well-meaning lady, "Do you think I'm stupid? YES! I've tried asking him to only say it once more!", I instead said, "Great idea! I'll try that!" and mentally noted to not mention it to anyone again ever! :) )

Anyway.....when you have three kids, a house to keep up, and you're back at work two days a week, and all you want to do is listen to ONE song in it's entirety on the way to dropping your kids off at school, it's exhausting. It's actually exhausting all on it's own. Having someone after me and my attention relentlessly all day is just stressful. I literally collapse on the couch or directly into bed every night at 7:15 after all the kids are in bed simply because the silence is so utterly enjoyable and the constancy of this phase Cooper is in is draining all my energy. (Some moms tell me their biological kids do the same things. Mine never did, so this is all new for me.)

I keep telling myself that it is a phase. That it will pass, and I was encouraged by reading the post that I wrote on December 20th, because we already have moved past all that and come so far. I know in two short months this too will be a thing of the past. But, I'll also know Cooper that much better and be able to be proactive in meeting his needs rather than reactive. I also realize that already he's been having more "good days" than "bad days" in the relentlessness department.

But....we're still adjusting. Me. Cooper. Scot. Sawyer. Chloe.

Some days are so very close to what I think normal will be like when we get there, and it's a sweet taste of easy.

Other days, um....not so much.

But, every single day I think to myself, "We might have missed this."

That would have been the hardest thing of all.

Tough Stuff- Part 1

2011-03-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

So, what I have not mentioned yet is what's been hard regarding our adoption.

Well, I went back and dug up a post I wrote on December 20th. We had been home exactly one month.

At the time, the feelings felt too raw to post publicly. But, I had to write down my feelings so I wouldn't forget them. I am ready to share the reality now because well, things are much, much better already. AND.....I feel like Cooper's mom now, not just like a mom who is caring for a really great kid. There is a HUGE difference.

Here in part 1 of "Tough Stuff" I'll simply post what I wrote on December 20th. In "Part 2" which is to come, I'll write about how far we've come, and what's tough now.

If you don't like hearing honest stuff, this isn't your kinda reading.

---------------------------------------

So, what's been hard about Cooper's transition into our family?

First of all, just the general change in our family dynamic. I think we are all missing the rhythms and routines of life as a family of four- like the way you miss your old slippers before the new ones are broken in. One morning when Cooper slept in, but the rest of us were up, Sawyer was playing then he said out of nowhere, "Hey- it's like it's just the four of us again." And, to be completely honest, I think we all long for that now and then. Not to be without Cooper.....let me clarify. But, we long for what feels normal, comfortable, familiar, easier. We sometimes want our old slippers back, even though we know the new slippers will be just fine in no time at all (and they are better in so many ways too).

I think Sawyer may feel this acutely without even realizing he does, because Cooper is uber-attached to Sawyer. More attached to Sawyer than any of us in spite of my best efforts. It's partially a little-boy, big-boy thing. Sawyer LOVED bigger boys too at that age, but when working on attachment, it gets in the way sometimes. Cooper will seek Sawyer out for comfort, for help, and almost exclusively for play. Cooper also will not go to bed if Sawyer is not in bed too (meaning, that's when I am SURE we would see full hysteria, but its kind of a problem, because a 7 year old doesn't need to go to bed at the same time as a three year old....although, we have been doing that lately). Cooper still needs naps, but that has proven to be the most difficult thing, because neither of my kids nap anymore, and Cooper will really cry hard when I tell him he needs to nap. We're really trying to just phase it out, but he very clearly needs one about every third day or so.

So....the general change in our family dynamic has been hard. When I (for an example) have to lay down in bed with Cooper to nap (so he doesn't lose it) and the rest of the family is snuggled up on the couch watching a movie, I'm not going to lie, I feel something a little (sometimes a lot) like grief. However, I also distinctly remember feeling exactly this way after Chloe was born. I'd have to nurse her to sleep, and would miss being part of Sawyer's bedtime routine (my favorite time of day with my kids). I'd be crying and wondering why I upset the apple cart by having another child and if I'd ever be ok with it. Of course, I was- and it didn't even take too long. But, you do lose some things in the change, and that's hard. Not crazy-I'm-not-going-to-get-through-this hard or I'm-gonna-need-counseling hard, but hard none the less- on all of us.

The hardest part though is that Cooper does not like Chloe. At. all. 95% of the negative emotion he displays is directed at her. If she hugs him, tries to play with him, touches him, or sometimes even just looks at him, he will shove her, pull away from her, growl at her, tell on her, yell at her or just otherwise make it very known that he is NOT interested. Often, if, say, she tries to hug him, he will yell at her and then run over to Sawyer for a hug and look directly at her as if to say, "I love Sawyer, but not you."

It is heartbreaking.

And, again, completely honestly, it makes me really angry.

Chloe is the personification of happiness and joy. She has her moments, yes. But, even while being dethroned as the baby in the family, she has welcomed Cooper into this family the best of any of us- loving him completely and wanting to express that to him all the time. As a result, yes, she's all over him like white on rice- and we're working on that. So, sometimes, I can't blame Cooper. But, other times, he is just downright mean to her, and she knows it. She will say, "Cooper loves everyone in this family except me."

And, she'd be right.

I have read enough to know this is completely normal. I have been around the block enough to know "this too shall pass". However, when it happens, that knowledge does not make it any easier on Scot, myself OR Chloe. The other thing Chloe has NOT going for her is that Sawyer is currently enamored with Cooper, and Cooper super-attached to Sawyer, so......while Sawyer and Chloe used to be the best of friends playing really well together all the time......it rarely if ever happens now. Because Cooper will actually yell at Chloe if she tries to play with them or even just with Sawyer. But, even Sawyer tends to play with Cooper now. I am getting all choked up just writing this. It's hard, hard, hard to watch. Chloe notices it too- and she's been having a hard time. Add to that the trouble she had when I got sick, she has been having a very difficult time. You'd not always notice it, but those of us that know Chloe best see it- and we're being very proactive about helping her with all of it.

Also, when Sawyer is in school, Chloe and Cooper are stuck together trying to make their own way, and on those days things are better. In general, too, things have improved greatly already.

The picture above is of play-doh people that Cooper made with my mom in mid-January. He wanted to make "pictures" of everyone in our family (grandma and grandpa included which is why there is more than 5). Chloe is the person with the blue face in the lower right- the only one Cooper wanted to have a mean/angry face.

So....no big drama or fireworks. A rather smooth transition. Cooper is doing well, settling in, and fitting in really well. But, even in all the easiness of our transition, there has been some hard stuff. And, sometimes, I think, when the hard stuff is less obvious, people wonder why you are saying it's hard.

I'm saying it is hard while also totally admitting it could be a thousand times harder in our case, and I thank God every day for being merciful to us. If I'm having a hard time with this, imagine if our circumstances had been more difficult. But, no one ever said adoption is easy (and if they did, they'd be wrong- especially when you adopt a preschooler).

And, I don't want to paint it negatively......we're having lots of fun with Cooper. He is fun and funny and sweet and snuggly and often very kind. We're growing to love him more every day, and we look forward to being able to see more and more of who he really is as the weeks and months go by.

Wordless Wednesday {Super Cooper}

2011-03-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

March- A Different Kind of Giveaway

2011-03-18T17:54:00.000-07:00

It's been time to post a giveaway, but honestly, with everything going on in Japan it seemed a little shallow. Sure, life goes on here, but to think that there are people on the other side of the world living my worst nightmare- it's hard to get my mind around.

So, when I sat down at my computer today determined to post this month's giveaway, I realized that this month would be a different kind of giveaway- the kind where I give a donation away, and invite you to do the same.

There are lots of different places to give- LOTS. But, there is one that I feel particularly inclined towards.

Through some of our best friends, we have had the opportunity to meet the Bengtson family- a family of four who have served as missionaries in Japan for years. They were in Japan when the quake struck and they live in Sendai which is close to the epicenter of the earthquake. They have encouraged supporters (via Facebook messages) to give to and support in prayer CRASH Japan. You can get daily updates at their website and you can also "like" their Facebook page for updates as well. To get a quick summary of what they are doing, you can watch this video.

CRASH Japan is now partnering with Samaritan's Purse and working in cooperation with many other Christian relief organizations (Food for the Hungry and World Vision among them) to help the people of Japan in practical ways while also offering them Living Hope as well.

So, this month for my "Giveaway", I gave it away. I took whatever I would have spent on the giveaway item I had planned, multiplied it by a bit, and donated that amount to CRASH Japan.

I hope you'll forgive me. But, most importantly, I hope that you will consider giving to CRASH Japan or to one of the other organizations I listed above who are already on the ground in Sendai offering Living Hope and very real help to the people in Japan. In doing so, you are taking my very little giveaway idea, and allowing it to make a big impact! If you feel so inclined, please spread the word about CRASH Japan- spreading the word and the impact even further!

Next month, I promise to be back with a fun, simple, and (in light of such tragedy, devastation and heartbreak) silly giveaway. But, for this month, this is what felt right to me!

And, don't just give, please do PRAY for Japan, for the Bengtsons, and for all those who are working to be the hands and feet of Christ in such a scary, devastating situation!

OK, so I am Curious

2011-03-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

Since so many of you are adoptive parents, I'm really curious about something after an interesting Face*book interaction:

Did any of you see the movie "Despicable Me", and if so, what did you think of it?

I'll refrain from posting what I thought here. I'm interested to hear what you all thought, and then I'll share a) what made me curious and b) what I thought of the movie.

And....March's giveaway is coming. I have just been away from my computer lately.

Case in Point

2011-03-04T00:29:00.000-08:00

The other night at the dinner table we were talking about China, and I asked Cooper if he missed Emelia (I used her Chinese name).

His expression changed and he got clearly sad and said, "Yes, I sad. I cry. I miss [Emelia]."

Then he paused, smiled, and said, "But now I have Chloe. And Mama and Daddy and Sawyer. I have a new family. I love you my family."

You try to finish dinner and wash the dishes after that.

See what I mean? Overwhelmed- often in the very best way possible.

Waiting for Baby Panda Bear

Birthday #1

Lucky Boy

The Year of the Dragon

Intentional

Resolved

Merry Christmas!

Reunion

Conversations with Cooper {Over Lunch}

WINNERS!

Winners, and Advent, and ANOTHER Give Away!

Good News! And November's Giveaway!

The Storm

China {Revisited}: Home

China {Revisited}: Semi-Wordless

China {Revisited}: Urumqi

China {Revisited}: Adoption Day

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program for........

China {Revisited}: What I learned

China {Revisited}: Meeting Cooper

China {Revisited}: Travel

China {Revisited}

October's Winner

Refreshing Honesty (Not mine.)

October Giveaway

The REALLY Big News Around Here

The News from Here

Deep Thoughts by Sawyer

Crickets and a Question

The Return of the Weapons

Chloe's First {Written} Word

The Long-Awaited Day

Links Worth Your Time

Better Late Than Never

First Day!

What I Know for Sure

{Bad} Memories

Change the World for One

Where have I been? *August Giveaway*

WINNERS!!!

One Year Ago Today and a June/July Giveaway!

Happy 4th!

To Kenya

{un}flattering

Phew! Catching Up.

Children of God

Wordless Wednesday {Soccer}

Bright Ocean- Part 2

May Winners, and an Odd Celebration

A Reminder, and a Request

Vincent

May Giveaway!

Mr. May 2011

Adopting a Boy

Play-Doh Revelations

Bucket List

A REAL Giveaway- for the Best Cause EVER

And the winner is.......

Maybe the Best Blog Post I've Ever Read

Serious Adorableness

April Giveaway!

Timely Encouragement

Tough Stuff- Part 2

Tough Stuff- Part 1

Wordless Wednesday {Super Cooper}

March- A Different Kind of Giveaway

OK, so I am Curious

Case in Point

Where have I been? August Giveaway